anxiety turning into (mostly) depression-what can I do?

flaxenfire · Post by **flaxenfire** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:36 am

Hi everyone,
I am going through a difficult time right now. I was diagnosed with GAD some years ago and am finally really getting medical treatment for it now (I am on a beta blocker for the anxiety and Palmora (sleep aid) to help me sleep better. I have only been on both of these for about a month, but don't feel much different.
So, anyway, the last month or so has been difficult. I also have health anxieties (I always think the wand of fate will come down on me with some horrible illness). So, I found a mole on my toe and had it removed. They said it was pre-cancerous and if I had let it go 10-15 years it could have been bad, so they congratulated me for being alert to this. Then they told me they found another (much smaller) mole between two of my toes (but they didn't remove it yet because it was close to the place where the other one was removed. They said to watch it for a year or so and then have it removed. I also just found another small mole in my private area...and now I am freaking out about that one, so I'll have to make another appointment.
Even though the news so far has been good regarding my health, I got mad at my body for being so "sneaky" and how bad things could have been...I feel like my body is betraying me. I'm hardly a sun-worshipper (I did tan a bit outdoors as a teenager, but haven't been out in the sun much since (I'm 30 now)and I've never used a tanning bed. Yet, I have these moles that could turn out scary! I find it frightening. All of this inner-directed anger has made me more depressed now than anything. In addition, a beloved great-aunt was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (the same thing that killed her sister, my maternal grandmother, 8 years ago). So my health anxiety is compounded by other people's problems, as well. I'm just in a very dark place right now.
I need some guidance or suggestions on what to do. My husband is trying to be supportive but he only says things like "don't worry so much" or such generalities that really don't do any good, though he means well. I have had one session with a psychologist (my introduction session)--my next one isn't until April 15, and I haven't been able to get her office receptionist to answer the phone-because I was hoping to get in to see her at another nearby town maybe even yet this week.
I always feel like the "other shoe is going to drop" and that fate has some horrible crisis in store for me, just waiting for me to notice. I was born 3 months premature years ago and spent the first three months of my life in the hospital. Ever since I was a child, I always have been anxious and overly-cautious: "I'd better not take this or that (minor) risk because it might be the end of me, and I was lucky to survive at all. I'd better be careful" -this was the way I sometimes unconsciously would think growing up. Today, I'm more worried that fate won't be kind to me. I think this is heightend by my great-aunt's illness, as well --it's been a very difficult time for me emotionally.
Any thoughts or advice?
Thanks,
Sara

Bakedpears · Post by **Bakedpears** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:51 am

I don't know of much I can say about the health anxiety. I'm one to run to the doc for anything. I can relate to you a bit though. I have a biopsy next week that I'm trying to get off my mind. I also let a "soreness" in my tooth turn into the need for a root canal.
But I wanted to tell you that my 19 year old was born 3 months premature and the odds were bad for her then. I can only believe that with you being 30 and born that early, you must have been a medical miracle and there is definitely a plan and purpose for your life here!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:06 am

Hi flaxenfire.

Continue to get your concerns checked out by the doctor. When the doctor tells you everything's ok, believe it. We tend to feel like something bad is always about to happen, but that's not true. It's just a lie that we create subconsciously, to hold on to the anxiety.

You have a great husband. Most people on this site often complain that their husbands are cruel to them because of their anxiety or depression.I'm sure you thank GOD for him.

Stay strong, do the program and try not to worry. Worrying makes it worse. A lot of people's anxiety starts to lean more toward depression because now you're really focusing on your anxiety and it gets depressing sometimes to actually look anxiety in the face, really seeing what wrong, and takin on the ups and downs we go through with anxiety.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:12 am

Hello Sara
I hope you have the program.Please try to do the relaxation tape frequently so that you can hopefully calm your thinking.

I have many things removed by the dermalogist over the years. I haven't been much for the sun since I started having little moles etc removed. I had one I was told if it had not been removed it could have been problematic down the road. Be thankful for recognizing it and be proud of yourself for taking action. Some people would just worry that it was something awful and wouldn't go to have it checked.

I can understand the anxiety turning to depression. I recently had a health scare a few months ago. Thank God, my biopsy was negative my anxiety after the fact ran rampant. I then began to realize working though it that I had underlying depression.

Give yourself permisson to feel what ever it is feeling. In my case I tried to bury what I was feeling and my anxiety/depression became really symptomatic.

Just know that you are not alone. Let us know how you are doing. take care and God Bless.