Dealing with Sexual Abuse
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Guest
I don't think one will ever be able to deal with it. Have to accept it & somehow forgive all involved & then move past it & believe you truly deserve a better existance than what this ptsd leaves you w/ everyday. Seems impossible until you have lived 1/2 your life & realize that you can spenp the rest of the other half in the same situation or decide to really help yourself. Good luck & God Help Us!!!
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Guest
One can ABSOLUTELY "DEAL" w/ SEXUAL ABUSE. Lets clarify DEALING: no, you can not erase these traumatic events fr existence - they already happened. DEALING is a PROCESS. That process, 1ST & FOREMOST, should be guided by a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL = THERAPIST/PSYCHOLOGIST/PSYCHIATRIST. This is very necessary & instrumental - so 1 is not overwhelmed emotionally when "dealing" w/ the abuse. Believe it or not, there is a very systematic approach to it. "DEALING" includes: acknowledging + admitting + addressing + feeling + dealing + reconciliation + forgiveness + letting go. Forgiveness, a later step addressed in the process of "DEALING", is very very important. Having completed all the previous steps - 1 forgives for themselves(a concept I myself never thought possible)- WHY? lol you may ask. Forgiveness is a GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF because essentially you WANT TO FEEL BETTER. Irrevalent to RIGHT, WRONG, OR INDIFFERENT(meaning blame)- <span class="ev_code_RED">carrying around all those cumulative emotions fr that event or events is hard on YOU the victim. All that surpressed ANGER/PAIN/FEAR/RESENTMENT is like an emotional virus eating @ your soul & spirit. </span> By no means am I saying you are not entitled to those emotions, YOU ARE - DAMN IT YOU WERE THE VICTIM & THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU. However, when you reach that point in the road of "HEALING/DEALING" you'll reach a point where you are going to say & feel in your gut, "I don't need to hold on to the pain of this/these event/events - I don't need to ALWAYS BE RIGHT OR STAY RIGHT - I know what happened to me - I know it was wrong & I am ready to live myself NOW as a FORMER VICTIM - no longer a LIFE LONG VICTIM. You forgiving a person is you actually taking back the power. As long as a person is unable to forgive(again, for themselves) they remain a VICTIM of the PERPETRATOR - power the perpetrator doesn't deserve to have at all. Forgiveness doesn't JUSTIFY in any way what they did - NO. Nor does forgiving mean you need to have them over for CAKE & COFFEE - HECK NO. Forgiveness means, you as the ADULT YOU NOW ARE - wants to BE FREE, no longer in the emotional prison this event created for you. It simply means you want to FEEL BETTER, LIVE BETTER, & LET GO.
When my anxiety disorder triggered in APR 2005, I intiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY. I was diagnosed w/ ANXIETY DISORDER, PANIC ATTACKS, & PTSD: fr 9/11, surgery I had that triggered the disorder, & my CHILDHOOD. W/o unnecessary details, that childhood included: abuse(a-z) + abandonment by both my father & mother + molestation: 2 immediate biological family members & 3 "neighbors". THAT WAS A LOT OF STUFF for 1 person to go thru. These events had such an effect on me - I didn't realize just how much till anxiety disorder triggered.
I was on my own in senior yr of high school. I graduated, secured an apt, got a job & worked FT & eventually attended college @ nite - graduating top of the class. ALL GREAT THINGS. There were emotional ramifications to what I endured - I was given burdens no child should ever have. See, the thing is, all my life since a young age - for me it was always a case of LIVE & SURVIVE, not THINK/FEEL/ACKNOWLEDGE/ADDRESS, ETC - I didn't have that option or luxury. Most importantly, 1 can't fix what they don't know is broken. Sure, I knew these things happened. I just didn't know how much they effected me & consequently, I didn't know or WASN'T AWARE that something HAD TO BE FIXED/ADDRESSED. I assumed, THIS IS ME & THIS IS MY LIFE.
Upon starting therapy w/ a psychiatrist w/ 30+ yrs experience(specializing in TRAUMA) - I realized a lge part of my anxiety disorder had to do w/ THEN & all that happened to me that I was unable to ADMITT/ADDRESS OR FEEL. So, if I wanted to FEEL BETTER - I had to go there. My anxiety disorder was REAL BAD: I was forced to not be able to work - stayed home for 3 yrs while everyone I knew worked & w/ what felt like - them going on w/ their lives. I became very dependant on my husband for well just about EVERYTHING - something that was quite foreign to the INDEPENDANT & SELF SUFFICIENT WOMAN I WORKED HARD TO BECOME. I was on CLONAZAPAM 3x's per day & 2 sleep aids - to combat the severe sleep dep I was experiencing(1-2 hrs per 24 hrs). COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE THAN IT WAS FOR ME. In my case, it was like this(for ex): <span class="ev_code_RED">like a VOLCANO & its LAVA, I surpressed all the anger/pain/fears for YRS - so they BUILT UP & UP. Yep, like that volcano & its lava. However, my emotions built up for so long(since age 5 to when anxiety triggered @ age 37) that there wasn't any more room in my emotional storage. So, my surpressed emotions exploded = like that volcano = ANXIETY DISORDER TRIGGERING.</span>
By me addressing things, little by little = 1 by 1, I was making room in my emotional storage FOR THE GOOD STUFF - THE HEALTHY STUFF - THE POSITIVE STUFF - as the woman I am not the victim I was. <span class="ev_code_RED">The process can be thought of as an AN IMAGINARY TIME TUNNEL: going back in time - as if the events were just happening & reliving them as if JUST HAPPENING. Except this time, allowing myself to admitt & feel all I did back then, that I was too afraid to.</span>
Is it easy? No, not @ all - I will not lie. Imagine reliving living 20+ yrs(more or less) of TRAUMA & condensing them into 20 MONTHS - HARD STUFF. However, DOING THAT WAS THE BEST GIFT I HAVE EVER GIVEN MYSELF. Because, I stand b/4 you (sort of , lol
- @ least CYBER SPACE LIKE) recovered fr anxiety disorder + no longer on anxiety med or sleep aids + free fr those events - for I don't fear the emotions anymore - I felt them - I addressed them & now I am free to live my life as I want - as I choose - as the GREAT WOMAN - COURAGEOUS WOMAN I AM - you see, I AM NOW A "FORMER VICTIM" - it was the adult I am that helped guide the former child I was thru this process. Kind of like holding her hand & assuring her she would be ok. It was the ADULT ME - that knew this process would be the best thing for me - not the most fun, but so necessary.
Asides fr carrying around for yrs all those previously mentioned surpressed emotions, I too carried around GUILT for yrs - thinking it was my fault my mom & dad didn't want me - that it was my fault I was abused & molested - trying all my life to MAKE UP FOR SOMETHING I THOUGHT I DID - so they would love me/want me/accept me. What a silly burden to place on myself. See, prior to therapy - I didn't know the difference. Now, I do & that is why I am free. It wasn't my fault - I wasn't to blame & I forgave them all. Their souls carry the burdens of what they did to me - however that is b/w them & GOD - not me. That is their problem not mine. I choose to live my life, away fr them - w/o them - w/ an inner peace I am obtaining that I've never known. THAT IS THE BEST WAY TO COMBAT ABUSE/MOLESTATION. <span class="ev_code_RED">Because you see - once you have HEALED fr it - & you also become a FORMER VICTIM - than you too can go out in the world & give back - change someone else life - 1 person or 1 sm little thing(like this posting for instance) at a time. That is how WE AS A SOCIETY COMBAT THE TRAVESTY OF CHILD ABUSE - education, action, reform & informing by former victims - THAT IS DAMN EMPOWERING. </span>
See, I'd much rather live my life - using my experiences to help other victims - to inspire or help - so they can heal. I'd rather give back & volunteer maybe, than remaining a victim - in a sad morbid state for the rest of my life - I don't want to live like that - I deserve more. That is why I went back to every single therapy session, as hard & gut wrenching painful as it was - because I knew - I was taking the power back - I was affording myself to get to that point where I was a FORMER VICTIM.
I say, give yourself that same gift - you so are worth it & the little child that you were - yes, that little boy or girl inside of you, that was the victim - deserves to be free. You the strong & courageous & smart adult that you are now - CAN HELP THEM. God Bless.
LENORE
When my anxiety disorder triggered in APR 2005, I intiated therapy w/ a psychiatrist IMMEDIATELY. I was diagnosed w/ ANXIETY DISORDER, PANIC ATTACKS, & PTSD: fr 9/11, surgery I had that triggered the disorder, & my CHILDHOOD. W/o unnecessary details, that childhood included: abuse(a-z) + abandonment by both my father & mother + molestation: 2 immediate biological family members & 3 "neighbors". THAT WAS A LOT OF STUFF for 1 person to go thru. These events had such an effect on me - I didn't realize just how much till anxiety disorder triggered.
I was on my own in senior yr of high school. I graduated, secured an apt, got a job & worked FT & eventually attended college @ nite - graduating top of the class. ALL GREAT THINGS. There were emotional ramifications to what I endured - I was given burdens no child should ever have. See, the thing is, all my life since a young age - for me it was always a case of LIVE & SURVIVE, not THINK/FEEL/ACKNOWLEDGE/ADDRESS, ETC - I didn't have that option or luxury. Most importantly, 1 can't fix what they don't know is broken. Sure, I knew these things happened. I just didn't know how much they effected me & consequently, I didn't know or WASN'T AWARE that something HAD TO BE FIXED/ADDRESSED. I assumed, THIS IS ME & THIS IS MY LIFE.
Upon starting therapy w/ a psychiatrist w/ 30+ yrs experience(specializing in TRAUMA) - I realized a lge part of my anxiety disorder had to do w/ THEN & all that happened to me that I was unable to ADMITT/ADDRESS OR FEEL. So, if I wanted to FEEL BETTER - I had to go there. My anxiety disorder was REAL BAD: I was forced to not be able to work - stayed home for 3 yrs while everyone I knew worked & w/ what felt like - them going on w/ their lives. I became very dependant on my husband for well just about EVERYTHING - something that was quite foreign to the INDEPENDANT & SELF SUFFICIENT WOMAN I WORKED HARD TO BECOME. I was on CLONAZAPAM 3x's per day & 2 sleep aids - to combat the severe sleep dep I was experiencing(1-2 hrs per 24 hrs). COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE THAN IT WAS FOR ME. In my case, it was like this(for ex): <span class="ev_code_RED">like a VOLCANO & its LAVA, I surpressed all the anger/pain/fears for YRS - so they BUILT UP & UP. Yep, like that volcano & its lava. However, my emotions built up for so long(since age 5 to when anxiety triggered @ age 37) that there wasn't any more room in my emotional storage. So, my surpressed emotions exploded = like that volcano = ANXIETY DISORDER TRIGGERING.</span>
By me addressing things, little by little = 1 by 1, I was making room in my emotional storage FOR THE GOOD STUFF - THE HEALTHY STUFF - THE POSITIVE STUFF - as the woman I am not the victim I was. <span class="ev_code_RED">The process can be thought of as an AN IMAGINARY TIME TUNNEL: going back in time - as if the events were just happening & reliving them as if JUST HAPPENING. Except this time, allowing myself to admitt & feel all I did back then, that I was too afraid to.</span>
Is it easy? No, not @ all - I will not lie. Imagine reliving living 20+ yrs(more or less) of TRAUMA & condensing them into 20 MONTHS - HARD STUFF. However, DOING THAT WAS THE BEST GIFT I HAVE EVER GIVEN MYSELF. Because, I stand b/4 you (sort of , lol
- @ least CYBER SPACE LIKE) recovered fr anxiety disorder + no longer on anxiety med or sleep aids + free fr those events - for I don't fear the emotions anymore - I felt them - I addressed them & now I am free to live my life as I want - as I choose - as the GREAT WOMAN - COURAGEOUS WOMAN I AM - you see, I AM NOW A "FORMER VICTIM" - it was the adult I am that helped guide the former child I was thru this process. Kind of like holding her hand & assuring her she would be ok. It was the ADULT ME - that knew this process would be the best thing for me - not the most fun, but so necessary.Asides fr carrying around for yrs all those previously mentioned surpressed emotions, I too carried around GUILT for yrs - thinking it was my fault my mom & dad didn't want me - that it was my fault I was abused & molested - trying all my life to MAKE UP FOR SOMETHING I THOUGHT I DID - so they would love me/want me/accept me. What a silly burden to place on myself. See, prior to therapy - I didn't know the difference. Now, I do & that is why I am free. It wasn't my fault - I wasn't to blame & I forgave them all. Their souls carry the burdens of what they did to me - however that is b/w them & GOD - not me. That is their problem not mine. I choose to live my life, away fr them - w/o them - w/ an inner peace I am obtaining that I've never known. THAT IS THE BEST WAY TO COMBAT ABUSE/MOLESTATION. <span class="ev_code_RED">Because you see - once you have HEALED fr it - & you also become a FORMER VICTIM - than you too can go out in the world & give back - change someone else life - 1 person or 1 sm little thing(like this posting for instance) at a time. That is how WE AS A SOCIETY COMBAT THE TRAVESTY OF CHILD ABUSE - education, action, reform & informing by former victims - THAT IS DAMN EMPOWERING. </span>
See, I'd much rather live my life - using my experiences to help other victims - to inspire or help - so they can heal. I'd rather give back & volunteer maybe, than remaining a victim - in a sad morbid state for the rest of my life - I don't want to live like that - I deserve more. That is why I went back to every single therapy session, as hard & gut wrenching painful as it was - because I knew - I was taking the power back - I was affording myself to get to that point where I was a FORMER VICTIM.
I say, give yourself that same gift - you so are worth it & the little child that you were - yes, that little boy or girl inside of you, that was the victim - deserves to be free. You the strong & courageous & smart adult that you are now - CAN HELP THEM. God Bless.
LENORE
Lenore-well put, sad story, I can relate 100% except for the abandonment part, physically anyway, they stuck around to keep sticking it to me. I've learned how to survive the surviving but everytime I reach for that bottle of anti-depression medication or xanex I am reminded that I can't breathe because I can't deal with what they did to me but I can forgive them & yes, I can forgive me too. Only some days are easier than other's. Everytime I think I've got it right it slips away just as quick, my conscience catches up with me. Got to learn to live for today in a different way, sometimes running with my eyes shut is better than walking right into the storm of the past but I have to do it to stay out of that hole for sure.
You seem to be one of the lucky ones that therapy worked for. For me it was like reliving the abuse weekly, had to back off & try a different way. I am glad your recovered / ing. that is the goal after all. & yes everything I post on here is IMHO (in my humble opinion.)
Good luck to you mainstaymomma..You have the right program & goal in mind. Stay strong.
You seem to be one of the lucky ones that therapy worked for. For me it was like reliving the abuse weekly, had to back off & try a different way. I am glad your recovered / ing. that is the goal after all. & yes everything I post on here is IMHO (in my humble opinion.)
Good luck to you mainstaymomma..You have the right program & goal in mind. Stay strong.
God bless you Lenore
At the age of 4 my innocence was taken away. I lived through horrible feelings that a child shouldn't be going through. I don't consider myself as a victim anymore. I am a <span class="ev_code_RED">SURVIVOR</span>
That fact that I'm still here today proves that.
God has a plan for me as he does for everyone.
"I fear not for God has given me a spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind. God is on my side." 2 Timothy 1:7; Romans 8:31
At the age of 4 my innocence was taken away. I lived through horrible feelings that a child shouldn't be going through. I don't consider myself as a victim anymore. I am a <span class="ev_code_RED">SURVIVOR</span>
That fact that I'm still here today proves that.
God has a plan for me as he does for everyone.
"I fear not for God has given me a spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind. God is on my side." 2 Timothy 1:7; Romans 8:31
Life is too short to own an ugly boat. Step aboard for a wonderful journey!
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Guest
Hi,
Lenore, I just read your post. I've had the depression and anxiety tapes for 7 years, got 9/10s of the way through them, stopped having panic attacks etc., then I had repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse come up and some other physical stuff in my life come up and everything went down the drain. I just finished reading your post and it was so healing.
I came onto this board to see if there were other abuse survivors who had found help with the depression anxiety tapes and what part these tapes played in their healing. I've been to a zillion different therapists, taken all sorts of herbal supplements, done these tapes and had some success, but overall it still seems like I'm only making progress in such small steps, sometimes I will wonder if I will ever heal. Then I read statements by people who don't even believe in repressed memories and start wondering if I'm crazy all over again. That's why your post was so refreshing. If anyone can live through all that and not only survive but thrive and HEAL then perhaps there is hope for me too.
In my life I've been around 4 different sets of sexual predators at 4 different times. A rather scary thought. So many of my friends have been abused and others suffer from symptoms of anxiety and depression and symptoms I had just before the abuse. I wish they would set up a set of these tapes for people who had been abused or had PTSD, because there is a whole other element operating here. There are the negative thoughts that the abusers ingraned through their words and actions in our brains that we have to fight as well as our own negative thoughts, and then all the confusion and pain of that inner child as well who has to be led through it with us. Is there anywhere on this site or in newer tapes where this is adressed?
And again thank you all for posting.
--preraph
Lenore, I just read your post. I've had the depression and anxiety tapes for 7 years, got 9/10s of the way through them, stopped having panic attacks etc., then I had repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse come up and some other physical stuff in my life come up and everything went down the drain. I just finished reading your post and it was so healing.
I came onto this board to see if there were other abuse survivors who had found help with the depression anxiety tapes and what part these tapes played in their healing. I've been to a zillion different therapists, taken all sorts of herbal supplements, done these tapes and had some success, but overall it still seems like I'm only making progress in such small steps, sometimes I will wonder if I will ever heal. Then I read statements by people who don't even believe in repressed memories and start wondering if I'm crazy all over again. That's why your post was so refreshing. If anyone can live through all that and not only survive but thrive and HEAL then perhaps there is hope for me too.
In my life I've been around 4 different sets of sexual predators at 4 different times. A rather scary thought. So many of my friends have been abused and others suffer from symptoms of anxiety and depression and symptoms I had just before the abuse. I wish they would set up a set of these tapes for people who had been abused or had PTSD, because there is a whole other element operating here. There are the negative thoughts that the abusers ingraned through their words and actions in our brains that we have to fight as well as our own negative thoughts, and then all the confusion and pain of that inner child as well who has to be led through it with us. Is there anywhere on this site or in newer tapes where this is adressed?
And again thank you all for posting.
--preraph