Negative Thinking and Real Experience

EileenV · Post by **EileenV** » Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:32 am

Hi,

I have a situation that I was hoping anyone might be able to give me suggestions about.

Two years ago, I went with my daughter's Kindergarten class and some of the other moms to a Fall event at a local barn where they have a hay maze every year for the kids. At the time, I didn't know that the hay mazes existed. When we arrived, I thought it was a bunch of hay bails that were stacked and covered and waiting to be moved to another barn somewhere. When the teacher told the kids that they could go into the hay maze, I looked and thought 'what hay maze?' My daughter had just turned 5 years old at the time and was and is still a very sensitive and shy child. I know that if she got lost or ran into people/kids that she didn't know inside the maze, that she would become quite scared. I tried to find out if any adults went in with them, but couldn't get any answers. I waited a while with all the other moms and finally decided that I needed to go in and find her.

When I went into the maze, I found another little girl who was having difficulty breathing because of her allergies. Then I realized that I was lost in the maze and still couldn't find my daughter. So I was trying to help the little girl with the allergies to get out, find my daughter, and find my own way out as well. The maze passages are very tight and the top is covered.

Well, I probably don't have to tell many of you that I went into a major panic attack, and this was my first. I about went through the roof of that maze! It took two days for my adrenaline to calm down.

When I finally found my way out, my daughter was outside looking for me. I was visibly shaking and asked my daughter to promise me that she would never go into something like that without an adult. And she did promise.

Anyways, now that I've given you all a nice long winded explanation of what happened, let me ask you my real question, lol.

One of the moms that was there that day saw what happened to me. At first she was very supportive, but eventually became very distant from me and wouldn't involve herself with me.

I think that she saw some of my anxious fears after the incident and is thinking that I am bipolar (or something), which I am not. I think that she may be telling people (teachers, other friends) about her belief about me being bipolar, maybe thinking that she is being appropriately protective. I've had some moms not look at me or acknowledge me. The teacher for the daughter of this mom will not acknowledge me and will hardly look at me. Other moms and teacher are great and usually say hi in passing, etc.

I feel like arranging a time with this mom to clear the air. And sometimes, I try to remember that maybe this is my anxiety and negative thinking. I don't know. Maybe if she understands that it's just anxiety and nothing else, she can relax about it and stop talking to others about it, if that is what is happening. Or maybe she will just take what I tell her and use it against me. ???

And some of you may be asking why I care so much about this one person. And the answer is that she was a good friend at one time. Hmmm, maybe I just answered my own question. Maybe she just never was a friend at all. What do you think?

Does this sound like a justified negative thought to anyone? Does anyone have a suggestion as to whether or not I should talk to her?

Thank you very much for any input.

Thankfully, Eileen

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:52 am

Well, it is certainly a pity that people would stop speaking because someone else was Bi-Polar.
I thought that America had come further than this.
What is so horrible about being bi-polar??

I would forget about talking to your 'friend' .
I would get the program and concentrate on working on yourself.
Get comfortable with yourself first.
Everything else might fall into place.

Otherwise I have no advice.
Best of luck.
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:50 am

Eileen V,

Did you do Lucinda's program? I am asking because in one of the tapes she tells of how she used to try so hard to make people like her-and she said you shouldn't have to tryso hard. Not everyone is going to like you. I understand your post and that she was your friend, but for them to think you are bi-polar b/c of a scary incident like the maze, that's ridiculous. You know, I had very strong feelings when I read your post b/c my son will be in first grade this fall so last year was my first year with a school-age child. I thank God I did the program before he started b/c dealing with some of these moms and teachers could be anxiety-producing in themselves, at least for me! I think you have to stand tall and practice, practice, practice your assertive skills with these people. Who cares whether they look, wave or smile at you. Hang out and talk to the people who treat you nice and do like you. Because she was such a good friend at one time is what really confuses me. Why would she be treating you like this now? Deep down in your heart, do you really want to have someone capable of that to be back in your life. If yes, then, go ahead and talk to her, if not, make other friends and don't look back! Good Luck.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:51 am

I support you in speaking to this mom if you feel it may help. You have nothing to lose. If this mom decides to come to her own conclusion about you after the fact, than go on with your own way and leave it be. You deserve more than that.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 10:48 am

Thank you very much everyone for your words, understanding, and support.

Karmerri, I appreciate your post. You are right, I can't expect everyone to like me. Social anxiety is probably the worst piece of anxiety that I have. I just started session 4 in Lucinda's program. I feel that sessions 1, 2, and especially 3 have really made a difference for me. I take this anxiety thing very seriously and am very committed to going through the program with my full attention. I'm sure that I am going to become better at the assertive skills soon and will feel better about this whole thing as well. And I think I'm going to let this go and let God.

If talking to her is the right thing to do, I believe the Good Lord will make it happen in the right way. But I'll let him direct that. And thank you Melissa for your support in that as well.

I hope this next school year is a good experience for you Karmerri. Let's keep our fingers crossed for both of us.

Thank you again everyone for helping me sort this out.

Eileen

beepster · Post by **beepster** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:54 am

You're welcome and I think you made a wise decision. Keep doing the program-you are going to get better and better at dealing with all of this!