Last Night's Meeting

[DebDeb]

We met with out therapist and we both got to tell
'our sides of the story' of course hubby got all
defensive but I didn't get mad- I did raise my
voice assertively but not angry.

He told us not to wait so long before another
blow up -and to call him when it happens again.
I shouldn't have harbored all of those bad feelings over all of those days.

As far as Hubby is concerned he voiced his opinion that we always talk about 'him' and his
failures and things that I am unhappy about him.
He feels that 'we', the therapist and I are always coming up with things to 'pick' on him with. In reality they are real issues that he has to shape up on.
He told us to concentrate on the 'POSITIVE' and
enjoy our weekends and try to be more affectionate to each other.
That's when hubby chimed in to say; 'I'll be more affectionate when she stops tearing me apart all the time" <--which Isn't true but he just doesn't like hearing my complaints.

So I am starting out with something POSITIVE this weekend; Today is his One Year Anniversary
of Sobriety- & he invited me to join him at the AA meeting tonight to celebrate.
At first I wasn't going to go, because of work obligations;
but I have decided to go and support him

I have been harboring a lot of resentment also because he didn't take my advice to stop drinking and that he had to get a DWI before he stopped, but now I know that it's the Alcoholism
that does this to people. Usually the loved ones cry out to them to stop but they need a life altering event to happen to themselves before they stop. (we were on the verge of divorce)
I am getting over this little by little and I think by going to celebrate with him tonight it will help to bring me closer to him.

I think this would be the 'right' thing to do and I really do feel grateful that he as come a long way since his DWI last year!!

[epa]

DebDeb,

You should absolutely be there with your husband! No question in my mind, it would be like my parents not coming to my high school graduation or my wife not sharing in my promotion at work.

That DWI probably saved his life and each day of his sobriety should be celebrated by at least him and his group, but on an anniversary such as this, I think it is a great accomplishment.

I am a social drinker, but have seen those who are addicted and I cannot even begin to imagine the struggles you lived with.

A friend of mine went through the divorce and then her ex-husband sobered up, somehow they made it work and they are married again.

I thought she was crazy, but she loved him and resented the alcohol, perhaps that was his life changing event. She left with his daughter and due to his drinking he was unable to see her unsupervised.

Celebrate! Have a diet coke for me!

[Guest]

Yes Engine, you are right, I should go and I do
really want to be there for him. I just have to get past the fact that he wasn't 'there' for me
when he put me thru hell with his drinking binges
but I know it's the past and as Lucinda says I am
going to try to live for the present.

I have 2 DIFFICULT people in my life and unfortunately they are the closest loved ones.
My husband and my Mother. But I am learning to deal with them more assertively.
With him I think if I am more loving and stop
holding resentful feelings, and stop it with the
negative complaints, we will be more closer.

UPDATE: my mother just calls & I told her that I
won't be over to visit tonight because of the
Celebration that I am going to. ----She hung up on me because I couldn't "BE AT HER BECKING CALL' Oh well, I needed to prioritize and my
huband and I are more important. She will have to wait.
Then to top it off we are having a major computer issue at work and everything is screwed up!! Then there is one girl who thinks she can
SAVE the world with her bright ideas that are just SO cumbersome and not feasible!!

OK I am taking a break to do my breathing exercises - My jaws are getting tense.I don't want this to turn into an anxiety attack!!

[Guest]

Deb,

It sounds like you made some good progress last night - especially the way you handled yourself and your not reacting! Good for you! Going to celebrate with your husband is a great idea - this is a big deal for him...and also for your marriage! Enjoy!

You are doing the right hting - standing up for yourself in a positive way...taking care of your relationship with your husband in a positive way...it sounds like your mother is jealous. Let her be. You are taking positive steps...and some people will not like that...tough...you have to do what is right for you!

Way to go, girl!

Blessings,
Dawn