Accomplishment or set back? and irrational anger?

*Chelsie* · Post by ***Chelsie*** » Thu Apr 10, 2008 10:14 pm

Ok all week i've been obsessing over feeling like a failure and i want to know if i should feel like this situation was an accomplishment or a set back....

first off, I'm a long time agoraphobic. I don't leave the house for barely anything. I won't ride in cars with anyone but my mother and the most i do is go to the store a few times a year. In January I was forced to leave the house for the first time in months for a very emotionally hard experience. I was amazed at how strong i was through the whole thing and how well i got through it. I even felt great the whole 10 hours i was out of the house with hardly any anxiety. I've gone a few places close by since then and even went into the doctor for the first time in over 5 years. Those all felt like really great accomplishments.

Now, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and i'd never gone to his house before because of my anxiety. Many times before, we talked about what support i would need from him if i went and i told him that i would need it to be just us, none of his friends, at least the first time i went over there. Monday night he talked me into going and staying the night. It was terrible. I made it there just fine, the car ride was ok but i was still pretty anxious the whole night. Then, the next morning a bunch of his friends showed up. Instantly I felt like i was going to lose it. My stomach felt like it was in my throat and i felt trapped. I thought i would throw up or go crazy, and then to make it worse he didn't tell them to leave and he basically ignored me the whole day while i sat in the corner. I didn't have a ride home at that point and i really wanted to spend time with him so I stuck through it until 7pm when i had my mom come and get me, but i was borderline panic attack ALL DAY! one of the worst experiences of my life. Normally when i get somewhere the anxiety wears off after about an hour but i was anxious and internally freaking out the whole time i was there and i feel like because of that, I failed. I didn't get the same rush of proudness that i normally get from an accomplishment, instead i was hurt an discouraged.

Also, I'm so angry at him. It was the first time I needed him to help me and he left me alone. I don't trust him to be my support when i need him now. The whole experience felt so traumatizing that when i got home, i didn't ever want to try anything again.

I guess what i'm wondering is should i be looking at this as a failure because it was so bad that i never want to do it again? and am I blowing it up too much and being irrationally angry at him? was I wrong to expect him to keep his word about it being just us and not telling his friends that he was busy?
I'm angry at him for not helping me like he'd promised and i'm angry at myself for not getting through it well. I feel bad for being so angry but at the same time i feel like theres a good reason for it, i'm just not sure.

Can anyone give me any advice on this?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:09 am

from one agrophobic to another I know how you feel I have lost out on a lot because of my panic.

first off as lucinta says you are not a failure this is a praise.you did it you went with your boyfriend who wasn't your safe person,you endured a long stressful day.That is a big deal and you need to see it as that praise your self and don't see this as a failure and let it set you back.you did great!!!!!
As for your boyfried,he should have told his friends you were with him and the day was for you,he knew the situation,he let you down,right now you need strong people in you life,your doing great don't let anything still your thunder!
do you have the progam,It is very helpful it has help thousands take control of their life you need to learn that you are doing this to yourself and how to stop it with positive self talk how to talk your self out of a panic attack and to stop running that is the key this is only exgarated emotions.hope this helps I admire you for your courage it took courage to do what you did you need a big pat on the back and a hug GOD bless YOU

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:19 am

Absolutely, you did great! You chose to go out rather than stay home. This is BIG. Be proud of the fact you are facing your anxiety, which you did. You know how much strength it took and now can see how strong you really are. It will get better, keep up with the program and speak to your physician.

Awesome accomplishment!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:01 am

I think you should be very proud of yourself. You described your 10-hour trip from the house, the Dr. visit, and the night spent at your boyfriend's place. Yes, you were anxious that night, but you made it! I know you could have used some more support from him, but you still faced your fear and won. As Lucinda says, it's not going to be easy, but you have to do it....and you DID! I think it's great! Way to go!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:18 am

thank you guys so much! I really appriciate the encouragement. I've talked to my boyfriend and i think i'm going to try it again and this time he said he'll tell everyone that he's busy. I'm really scared, though.

Also, I have the program i've just never made it passed the 5th or 6th week. I'm going to pick that back up and try my hardest to get through it. I'm just going to skim back through session one and start session 2 today this week!

Thank you again!!!
And Good Luck to everyone!