A Positive Attitude

AlisonF · Post by **AlisonF** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:29 pm

I know a positive attitude is important, but how can I have one when nothing has gone right since the beginning of October?

I thought I had breast cancer back in October and I had to have my baby Pumpkin put to sleep do to instestinal cancer. At the same time my dad was being checked for lung cancer. He had a biopsy and yes, it was cancer...so, now my dad has started chemo and to top things off my mom was having really bad indigestion since the beginning of November which turned out to be 3 clogged arterties requiring open heart surgery. Unfortunately, they were only able to do 2 bypasses and she'll have to go back and have about 3 or 4 stents put in because my mom has varicose (spelling) in both legs and they were useless for a bypass.

I guess if I really dig deep I can see the positives, right? My dad hasn't gotten sick from the chemo; my mom's bypasses went well and her outlook is good.

Please don't interpret this as a pity party. I guess what I'm trying to say is, with so much negative going on how can you remain positive?

And I have to say, negatives really suck the life out of me.

Ya know, I better stop. I feel like Andy Rooney from 60's Minutes.

Alison

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:01 pm

allison f,
hey, im not exactly too sure what to tell u, b/c i don't accredit myself for understanding positives either.
i want to say be strong for them and tell them u love them everyday, but what ive found is that sometimes for me that doesn't work. ive found that i need to be honest with myself and tru to my heart...which has led me to i have no idea where. ive been doing everything i think every1 else has wanted me to do, and ive failed b/c ive disregarded my own tru feelings. listen to ur heart. do not fear.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:11 pm

Hi Alison! I think we all get hit with hardships in bunches sometimes. I know I have, and so have my friends and family. The one thing I always tell myself is that God has a plan for us all, and every bad thing that happens has a purpose, and a chance to see God's grace. I have had a death in the family last year. My mother, my grandmother, and my aunt are all breast cancer survivors. However grandma now has cancer in her cervix and it has spread throughout her body. I know she won't likely survive the year. But you know what? I am happy! I have enjoyed a very close relationship with her. And it's only gotten better. I know she will soon be in eternal joy and be able to return to her loved ones lost. Sure I will mourn. Not for her but because I will miss her. But this too will pass. I am in my second week of the program. I have dealt with some pretty intense anxiety and depression. But I have hope because of Lucinda, and all of the wonderful people struggling with their own problems as well. I do hope you will lean on me as I lean on all of you for support in life. We are not alone! God bless!
-Vini

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:35 pm

Hi Alison,

I'm struggling with staying positive right now myself. Thankfully no one close to me is sick. Mostly just a lot of little things that add up. I guess when there's a lot of stress its important to realize that its normal to have fears and some negative emotions and thoughts. You just do the best you can to take care of yourself at the same time. I am eating better, trying to get to the gym regularly, I try to talk to a friend everyday that helps lift my spirits. I also try to have a list of things for the next day, so I don't have trouble sleeping at night because I'm worrying about it. Just lots of coping skills. Even with that sometimes I've been struggling. But I would probably be much worse off if I didn't do that.
Thanks for writing

Deb

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:55 pm

Hi Deb! I'm glad you're getting better with coping skills. I too have a really hard time staying asleep because of my mind worrying and/obsessing about work, money, etc... I'm in week 2 and I'm getting better at relaxing. Still don't sleep perfect, but better. At one point I couldn't sleep at all! I thought I was going crazy. I went to the doctor and got on zoloft. Still couldn't sleep. Went back and doctor prescribed traxadone to help with sleep. It worked ok for about 3 weeks. then the toubles came back. Now I take amitripalene. It's ok, but I am beginning to understand that i have to change the way I think about things. I am starting to re-program the way I think and it's helping. How long have you been doing the program? Just knowing that we are not alone makes me feel better. Good luck and God bless.
-Vini

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 3:09 am

Hi Vini,

I finished the program a couple years ago. I've made a lot of gains, but still some challenging things going on. Some good challenging things in there too. I guess that's just the way life is, challenging. My current goal is to find some good positive friends to do things with, and to find a way to work without getting so exhausted that I have no energy when I get home. Work is a big reason I lose sleep.
The positives are that I've finally found a decent doctor, a decent dentist, a decent therapist, a decent chiropractor, and working on a decent mechanic. Long story, but I think I've become the local business critic. I have found more businesses in this town that I wouldn't walk back into than anywhere I've lived before. I'm working on a better work situation for myself, so its not so intense and I can try to get home at 4 pm instead of 7 pm. And also be interesting at the same time. I get bored easily, but I also get bogged down in anxious thinking.

Anyway, its always a work in progress.

Cheers,

Deb

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:13 am

Hi everyone. Just wanted to add that I am also a very negative thinker and staying positive is hard for me. Deb, I am like you. I need to talk to positive people who can lift my spirits and help me feel better. In fact, I went and actually spent about 6 days with this person and her family. It really helped keep me focused on the good things, and work on the negatives. I can't count on my parents because I have had to put some distance between myself and them...alcoholic mother who is very negative. I am trying to use my faith. I talk to God and ask Him for His peace and help. It does work. Vini, I know what you are talking about when facing depression and anxiety. Ijust started week 4. I am having more depression than anxiety. My depression is that I don't think I have the strength to change what needs to be changed in my life. So, I get depressed and then start to cry and the spiral can go downwards. So, again, I talk with God and my therapist. All you can do is try the best you can.

rose_thorn98 · Post by **rose_thorn98** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 4:39 am

Hi:

I go with KCVINI below. That's a great response. We get hit with real things that are not imagined or trivial and that is when you can experience God's grace at it's fullest. Take it from one who knows and has had his share of doubts too!