Had I searched the world over....

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Tue May 27, 2008 5:13 am

Had I searched the world over, I don't think I could have found a bigger jerk to marry when I was younger and have children with. Yes, g ahead- somebody let me have it-don't hold back.
No one held a gun to my head and forced me to do it. And no one forced me to stay with him so long. I deserve to have the letters FOOL branded on my forehead. And just when you think there's nothing more unbelievable he can do, he has to go and top it. Thankfully, I took someone's previous advice and cut him off twice as he began to rant. But what he managed to get out of his mouth before I could stop him leaves me shaking my head. How could he have been that big a fraud to hide his temper and bizarre ways the whole year and a half we were dating? Was I truly that naive and blind? Or did he just control it until he was in the "safety" of a marriage and take advantage of my stubborness to make it work no matter what the cost?
Out of 11 married years, I truly cannot remember happy times. There had to be some, right? Thank God for my kids, otherwise it would have been a complete waste of a third of my life.
Ok, I'm done with my temper tantrum. Now it's on to putting the past where it deserves to be- in the past. I guess things could have been a lot worse. Thanks for listening. Bev

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue May 27, 2008 5:32 am

Bev, please don't be so hard on yourself.
Please!!!
You are not the only one who has fallen for a jerk. When we are young , we are stary eyed.
And yes these types can hide their real personality until after they get what they want.
Actually it may show strength of character in you that you tried for 11 years to make it work.
Often, too, it is frieghtening to think about striking out on our own with children.
But you did it!! Give yourself much credit for that!!
Praise yourself for doing that. Not every woman manages to do that for herself. I am proud of you!!!
You are a good mom.
You did the best you could do at the time.
You are to be commended.
Have a really good day!
MaryJane

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Tue May 27, 2008 5:47 am

I really don't think you're the only one on this one. My second husband was an alcoholic (who was verbally and potentially physically abusive) and it took me a year to figure it out. He was really good at hiding it. Only drinking a clear alcohol that had no odor. Telling me the job "ran late" when he didn't get home until 9:00PM etc. I stayed with him a lot of years because I actually believed things would change. Duh! ten years and I still thought he would change??? A lot of years wasted in my life but thank God I finally saw how it was my self esteem, lack of self confidence and fear of confrontation that kept me with him. No more! I learned a lot about myself from that relationship and a lot of it was not pretty. I can't change what I did then but I can change what I do now. It was a hard lesson but a lesson well learned. You're not the only one out there that thinks they picked a 'jerk' believe me.

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Thu May 29, 2008 11:16 am

Oh yes. I do realize there are many jerks out there- male and female. I guess the best thing we can do is put up a wall between us and them and keep them at as far a distance as possible to keep the negativity down. And, well, to be honest, there were many times I was the "b" word. I can only go on from here though, no changing the past.