Assertiveness backfired

DebDeb · Post by **DebDeb** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:42 am

OH no!
This is the situation;
My mother has carpal tunnel, and she has a physiatrist who perscribed her therapy for her
hands.
She suffered a set back when she fell down a malfunctioning escalator over the holidays.

the physiatrist just saw her a few weeks ago and
he isn't giving her any perscriptions for therapy for her hands.
He is ignoring her and when she calls the office
they just keep saying that she is being treated
for the fall. But what about her painful hands?
She cried to me over the weekend that no one is
listening to her at the Drs Office.

SO, I offered to call and find out what is going
on. THe girls were clueless, and I didn't get anywhere with them except I got 'mad' with them,
as they were clueless and stupid.
they told me I had a 'bad attitude'

My heart started to beat fast, and I got
angry!! Totally blew my assertiveness.
But the issue is my mother is in pain and I couldn't get any answers why he isn't treating her?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:36 am

Hi Deb Deb, I had a similar situation with my husband doctor's office. We felt helpless because his doctor was on vacation and the office didn't want to renew his asthma prescription. It was quite frustrating.

That's terrible they are treating your mom this way and you that way over the phone. This is what I recommend and I hope it helps. Try calling back and immediately asking for the office manager. Don't engage in any details but that's very important you speak to him/her. This person might be a little more willing to listen since the doctors pay them to run their office. If your mom is going to a doctor that belongs to a medical group, you might be able to look them up online and see how you can make a complaint. They are usually pretty responsive.
Best of luck to you and your mom.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:08 am

Unfortunately the receptionist did put her on and
she was even more clueless.

I am going to speak to the Doctor tomorrow after
1:00pm wish me luck!! & I get a second chance to
remain cool, calm, and assertive while talking to
him.
I just don't understand why her requests for a
prescription for therapy went unanswered and ignored?

Joyful Livin' · Post by **Joyful Livin'** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:20 am

Wow, how frustrating. Goodluck DebDeb and let us know how you do.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:33 am

...and if that doesn't work (speaking with the Dr.), there are always, other Dr's.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:40 am

As someone who works in the office of people getting "assertive" at them all day long I can tell you it is equal frustration. We can only go by what is in the file or what we were told (usually nothing). I don't work in the medical field, but financial, and get yelled at daily by clients simply because "I'm stupid and know nothing". Office workers get limited supply of knowledge on what is going on with specific clients simply because we work on a need to know basis. Another reason is that there are so many clients I can't possibly keep them all straight. I can't answer specific question until I talk to my boss and he gives them to me. I might not see him for another couple of hours due to meetings. It's a vicious circle which usually ends with me getting yelled at by someone. You probably wouldn't get any answers from the Dr. unless you have POA over your mom because of the HIPPA laws anyway. I think a better way to go is to have her make an appointment and you go in with her. I hope they treat her soon...poor thing, she's in my thoughts.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 6:42 am

Hey Deb - What a pain! Literally!

Just remember - in case they throw it at you - HIPPA regulations. Unless your mother has given them written permission to talk to you, they may tell you that they can't legally give you any information at all regarding her prescriptions, etc.

If that is not an issue (if she HAS given them permission to talk to you), then I would just try to be firm, brief, and direct in explaining to the doctor what the situation is tomorrow.

Hang in there - assertiveness is a good thing - don't let the clueless people AFFECT you!

Blessings,
Dawn

Carolyn Dickman · Post by **Carolyn Dickman** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:21 am

My experience with assertiveness is that you speak what is on your mind, truthfully, with respect for the other person, without any expectations of any kind. Have I misunderstood something? The sole purpose of the assertiveness is to simply stand up for your own feelings and self, period. If I get angry with the assertiveness, and I have, it's because I have expectations of what SHOULD happen. But, I can't control the other person. What they do is their choice and I have learned to anticipate the worst but hope for the best.

Sounds like your Mother may need to seek another doctor to treat her. If you do that, then after finding someone who takes care of her needs you can call the old doc back and let them know they lost a patient due to their lack of concern.

hopehound · Post by **hopehound** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:30 am

1) Time for a new doctor!

2) As for your assertiveness, I don't think you failed or backfired, but sometimes you just can only go so far.

I had an incident in a Pathmark with a horrible customer talking down to an employee. I was in line behind this guy and I totally let him have. It was some what wrong, but this guy deserved it. It was great to get it out, but the rush of feelings then had me worrying about having a heart attack (which at the time was the highlight of my anxiety).

People do things to upset you and even when being assertive and your temper rises, the adrenaline will become uncontrollable and if you are still suffering from Anxiety and Panic, it seems to me it is likely to get triggered.