New relationship....
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Guest
something I forgot to add, on our 4th date, the first time I kissed him, I floated home on a cloud. I felt so lovestruck. Then the date after that one, on Valentine`s day, I went to his place and for the first time, made out with him (first time with any guy) and that`s when I started feeling numb. And now I just obsess over how I`m feeling.
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Guest
I'm not that much older (28) but I was 24 went I met my husband and had the same confusion as you are going through. My parents are divorced and I figured I was better off single and didn't want the baggage or risk of trusting someone. Well, to make a long story short, we did in fact casually date for about a year and a half and then entered a committed relationship, and was married four months ago. He was very patient and understanding and did not push me. I tried to push him away over and over again and kept telling him that I wan't ready for anything serious but, we became best friends and I fell in love. Don't let your past determine and control your future. Whatever controls your mind controls your life. Laugh alot and love hard. You won't regret it.
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Guest
Hi P&P,
I'm 32 and also a product of divorce. I can understand what it is that you might be feeling. I used to do this same thing with guys. For me though, it was a defense mechanism. I think I was scared of where the relationship would go with each new encounter with him. I remember my first "real" boyfriend in high school. After weeks of holding hands through the halls and him carrying my books and walking me to class, we kissed for the very first time. It was my first *real* kiss with a boy (aside from "pecks" on the lips). I was thrown off by this "new" step in our relationship. I was so scared of it and what the next step after that would be. I remember physically and emotionally distancing myself from him until ultimately I broke up with him. 'Till this day I remember him being so confused about the break-up. I never told him that I was simply afraid of moving forward in our relationship. I did this a couple more times. I would express interest in a guy but as soon as he reciprocated, I'd lose interest. It's very likely that detachment is from fear of getting hurt or fear of "the next step" or a mixture of both. In either event, you need to stop and listen to your innermost desires and feelings. If you really like this guy and he likes you, try to turn off your negative thoughts. Easier said than done, I know. But these thoughts might get redirected into actions and behavior on your part and things could get ugly. So give this relationship a fair shot. You never know, it may surprise you! Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Celeste
I'm 32 and also a product of divorce. I can understand what it is that you might be feeling. I used to do this same thing with guys. For me though, it was a defense mechanism. I think I was scared of where the relationship would go with each new encounter with him. I remember my first "real" boyfriend in high school. After weeks of holding hands through the halls and him carrying my books and walking me to class, we kissed for the very first time. It was my first *real* kiss with a boy (aside from "pecks" on the lips). I was thrown off by this "new" step in our relationship. I was so scared of it and what the next step after that would be. I remember physically and emotionally distancing myself from him until ultimately I broke up with him. 'Till this day I remember him being so confused about the break-up. I never told him that I was simply afraid of moving forward in our relationship. I did this a couple more times. I would express interest in a guy but as soon as he reciprocated, I'd lose interest. It's very likely that detachment is from fear of getting hurt or fear of "the next step" or a mixture of both. In either event, you need to stop and listen to your innermost desires and feelings. If you really like this guy and he likes you, try to turn off your negative thoughts. Easier said than done, I know. But these thoughts might get redirected into actions and behavior on your part and things could get ugly. So give this relationship a fair shot. You never know, it may surprise you! Good luck and let us know how it goes!
Celeste
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Guest
Celeste, I think that's totally it. It's so hard to see when you're in it though. I think forever now I've feared being hurt, so I tend to not get too close to people, especially family and relationship wise. Friends I can get rather close to because the relationship dynamics are different and they're not as close to me as family. That combined with being completely new to being in a relationship and all that comes with it. And the thing is, my boyfriend is super patient and understanding. I feel like I'm not communicating with him enough, which is odd for me because normally I'm quite outspoken. But in terms of being physical and such, I've realized I'm rather shy. I have a really tough time letting go. I'll give it a fair shot and hope for the best. If anything, I think it's great that I'm gaining experience just being in a relationship. Thanks for your help!!