Hi everyone... I have had GAD since about the time I was 8 years old. Dealing almost daily with panic attacks, avoiding social situations and pretty much anything that had to do with leaving the house. Well about 5 years ago...3 days before my wedding, my body completely turned on me. Never had anxiety similar to what I was experiencing then. Woke up everyday with a racing heart, severe nausea, diarrhea, and no appetite at all. I lost about 5 pounds in 3 days which I couldn't afford to lose in the first place. We had traveled to Michigan for the wedding and I ended up in a urgent care clinic the day before the wedding where they gave me xanax that gave me little to no relief. I pushed through the next few days in agony and got through the wedding, thinking once the honeymoon came the stress would be over. The honeymoon came and I was still feeling so sick. Went to the emergency room where they ran some tests and had no suggestion of what was wrong. We cut the honeymoon 3 days short and headed for home where my symptoms lasted 4 more months. In the meantime I was having every test done possible to get to the bottom of this sickness. Finally after 4 months of daily diarrhea, forcing every meal and stomach pains, a doctor finally suggested it was all caused by anxiety and put me on celexa at the time. (I am currently still taking it)about 2 days later most of my symptoms had seemed to vanish and never returned.
Here I am now about 5 years later...now divorced 3 months ago, just moved out of my dream home and quit the job I loved about a week ago and moved to SD to be closer to my parents. Once again all the symptoms that started 5 years ago have now returned. They all came back on July 4th while at a party of about 40 people I didn't know. I got up from a table and had this lighted headed feeling that I was ready to pass out. I pushed through it and went over to an area with less people and started noticing my eyes wanting to move around very rapidly...like they wouldn't focus on just one thing. I immediately went into the house and sat on a bed and became extremely nauseous. Ever since that day my eyes still want to move around rapidly, I have no appetite and have to force down anything I eat, I wake up first thing in the morning with a racing heart and diarrhea. In the middle of all this happening I had to pack up my house and drive half way across the country feeling so ill and scared. I went to the emergency room 2 days ago and they gave me propranolol and lorazepam. They seem to be taking the edge off some, but not nearly what I'd like them to be. I am convinced everyday that there is something severely wrong with my health that doctors aren't seeing. I wake up scared to death everyday about what I'm going to be facing...trying to ignore it just isn't working. My family is scared for me which just exacerbates my fear. The last few days I wish I just wouldn't wake up in the morning. I'm only 29 and I feel like I have no quality of life left.
I'm here as a last resort for any words of encouragement or comfort. Anyone who has experienced anything similar to what I have been going through, I would love to hear your story and how you got through it. Any advice and suggestions would be wonderful too. Thank you so much.
It has returned with avengence
Broadie: You have been through so much, but your story is familiar to many of us on here. If you have been through all the medical workups and they have found nothing...know that what you describe sounds like anxiety. It happened to me too, in Aug. 2006 and I didn't even go through the life changes that you have experienced in the past 3 months. Even with generalized anxiety, I worked myself up into such a state that my doctor said my anxiety was high enough it was similar to post-traumatic stress, but nothing really had happened. Have you ordered the Attacking Anxiety program from StressCenter? Don't hesitate...it may seem like a lot of money but it will help you, it really will. Your family is scared because they love you and want you to fell well. I strongly recommend this program...many of us have found success through it. You can get through this.
formerly SleeplessMom
formerly SleeplessMom
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Guest
Hi. Your losses are enormous, and I hope you have this program. I, too, have had a bundle of losses during the past few years. I never realized so many people had the same problems I have until I began this program in mid June. I am a therapist, and I've always avoided formal treatment because of both lack of confidence that anything really worked, and the stigma. This program does work. I find myself more functional every day. When I have a big setback, I put my problem into words, and then I post it here under the appropriate forum, and I've found the replies are often as helpful as the homework assignments. You say you have a doctor, so you've got that end covered. I really encourage you to work this entire program, stay with it, don't give up. Good luck. Pecos.
Hi Broadie (warning this ended up long-winded!) - this is my first post here and of course like others, found this site while I was having a tough time. I cried when I read your post and others' too. This is the first time I've seen for myself that other people know what this anxiety/panic does to a person on the inside. It's still hard to believe that anyone else ever feels the way I sometimes do; that anyone else has felt the panic attack them and think they were going to die for sure, or go completely crazy (hey, that might not be so bad as long as we didn't realize we were crazy!). We all know that we are NOT dying and NOT going crazy but we also all know that it is VERY difficult if not sometimes impossible to convince ourselves of those facts. When our bodies go through the things they do it's no wonder we can't convince our minds that we'll be ok.
So in the interest of letting you know that you are not alone, I will share my story. I'll start by saying that I was not well for many years before I finally got a diagnosis, in fact, didn't even know that there was a diagnosis to be had. I just thought that my feeling lousy and anxious was just some issue I had to deal with. My doctor thought I had IBS since I flip flopped between being constipated and having the big D and felt nauseas after eating (this really started my senior year of high school and got to the point then that I just didn't eat). And my anxiety wasn't always just over something negative. Even something I was looking forward to would set me off and I would get sick to my stomach, with the "big D" and sometimes would opt out of events and travel because of it. I went on Paxil about nine years ago and as stated in the warnings, got worse before I got better. I had a panic attack that sent me to the ER while I was out of town (at my grandmother's with my whole family there). I think as soon as they took my vitals they knew what was happening - I was ok, but needed some relief so they gave me Xanax. It was a huge help during that episode! (I'm feeling a little anxious right now just conjuring up these memories -- argh!) I also started therapy which I don't think helped a whole lot, other than introducing me to some breathing exercises. So after the Paxil kicked in I felt amazingly better, save for the "sexual side effect" that it gave me. It was worth the price, though. :p
I did well on the Paxil and even was able to travel to Central America for a week with my husband. I had my trusty Xanax with me, but just knowing I had it if I needed it made me feel secure. Then after 2 1/2 years of trying, I got pregnant. A few weeks into, at my husband's urging, I starting going off the Paxil. I had a panic attack one day (OMG! We're going to have a baby! What have I done?!). Then my doctor put me on Zoloft because it was deemed to be safter for pregnancy and nursing. The rest of my pregnancy was great! When I went into labor, another panic attack at the hospital and the baby's heart rate dropped, so they put me on an IV and baby monitor. Delivery went fine, but the baby had meconium aspiration and had to be in NICU for two nights. I couldn't sleep and kept panicking. When we brought the baby home I literally didn't sleep for four days. Every time I would fall asleep, I would wake up in a panic attack after ten minutes. I had to get more Xanax, and a visit from a nurse.
Here I sit writing this and my wonderful four 1/2 year old son is looking out the window at the rain. What a blessing!
So why am I here? It has returned! You're not alone! I know that fact doesn't really make everything better, but I think it helps a bit to know that there are others out there who truly understand what you're going through.
As for some ways of helping yourself get better again ... obviously I'm a fan of medication. That's not to say medication alone, but I believe the medication gets you to a place where you can incorporate other methods of healing and taking care of yourself. While I was pregnant I saw a different therapist who I liked a lot and told me to buy the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. That has helped me and I'm reading it again. I also have faith in God and read something in the Bible a few times a week. Today I just bought a book by Billy Graham called The Journey, How to Live by Faith in and Uncertain World. I'm looking forward to that - as I want to bring more faith into my life. I used to love doing yoga until my sinuses acted up and now I can't do it the way I used to. Relaxation CD's and meditation (you can find guided meditation CD's if that would help).
Incidently, the same time I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder, my brother was diagnosed with Bi-Polar (mainly Depression). My mother fights Depression, as does my Aunt. My grandmother won't admit she has Depression, but we believe she does. Her father committed suicide when she was young. So ... I am a believer that genetics has something to do with this disease, but I also believe that what happens to us in our lives can trigger it. Now that I know more about it, I can look back at my childhood and know that this was affecting me way back. A good portion of the photos of me during events have a note on the back that says "Jenni was sick that day." I wish it hadn't taken so long to figure out what was going on with me, but I thank God that I have found relief!
You WILL get better again! When you feel awful, tell yourself "Yes, I feel awful and I don't like it, but I don't fear it!" It's the fear that keeps us down. I wish you strength and courage on this journey.
Be well,
Jen
So in the interest of letting you know that you are not alone, I will share my story. I'll start by saying that I was not well for many years before I finally got a diagnosis, in fact, didn't even know that there was a diagnosis to be had. I just thought that my feeling lousy and anxious was just some issue I had to deal with. My doctor thought I had IBS since I flip flopped between being constipated and having the big D and felt nauseas after eating (this really started my senior year of high school and got to the point then that I just didn't eat). And my anxiety wasn't always just over something negative. Even something I was looking forward to would set me off and I would get sick to my stomach, with the "big D" and sometimes would opt out of events and travel because of it. I went on Paxil about nine years ago and as stated in the warnings, got worse before I got better. I had a panic attack that sent me to the ER while I was out of town (at my grandmother's with my whole family there). I think as soon as they took my vitals they knew what was happening - I was ok, but needed some relief so they gave me Xanax. It was a huge help during that episode! (I'm feeling a little anxious right now just conjuring up these memories -- argh!) I also started therapy which I don't think helped a whole lot, other than introducing me to some breathing exercises. So after the Paxil kicked in I felt amazingly better, save for the "sexual side effect" that it gave me. It was worth the price, though. :p
I did well on the Paxil and even was able to travel to Central America for a week with my husband. I had my trusty Xanax with me, but just knowing I had it if I needed it made me feel secure. Then after 2 1/2 years of trying, I got pregnant. A few weeks into, at my husband's urging, I starting going off the Paxil. I had a panic attack one day (OMG! We're going to have a baby! What have I done?!). Then my doctor put me on Zoloft because it was deemed to be safter for pregnancy and nursing. The rest of my pregnancy was great! When I went into labor, another panic attack at the hospital and the baby's heart rate dropped, so they put me on an IV and baby monitor. Delivery went fine, but the baby had meconium aspiration and had to be in NICU for two nights. I couldn't sleep and kept panicking. When we brought the baby home I literally didn't sleep for four days. Every time I would fall asleep, I would wake up in a panic attack after ten minutes. I had to get more Xanax, and a visit from a nurse.
Here I sit writing this and my wonderful four 1/2 year old son is looking out the window at the rain. What a blessing!
So why am I here? It has returned! You're not alone! I know that fact doesn't really make everything better, but I think it helps a bit to know that there are others out there who truly understand what you're going through.
As for some ways of helping yourself get better again ... obviously I'm a fan of medication. That's not to say medication alone, but I believe the medication gets you to a place where you can incorporate other methods of healing and taking care of yourself. While I was pregnant I saw a different therapist who I liked a lot and told me to buy the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. That has helped me and I'm reading it again. I also have faith in God and read something in the Bible a few times a week. Today I just bought a book by Billy Graham called The Journey, How to Live by Faith in and Uncertain World. I'm looking forward to that - as I want to bring more faith into my life. I used to love doing yoga until my sinuses acted up and now I can't do it the way I used to. Relaxation CD's and meditation (you can find guided meditation CD's if that would help).
Incidently, the same time I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder, my brother was diagnosed with Bi-Polar (mainly Depression). My mother fights Depression, as does my Aunt. My grandmother won't admit she has Depression, but we believe she does. Her father committed suicide when she was young. So ... I am a believer that genetics has something to do with this disease, but I also believe that what happens to us in our lives can trigger it. Now that I know more about it, I can look back at my childhood and know that this was affecting me way back. A good portion of the photos of me during events have a note on the back that says "Jenni was sick that day." I wish it hadn't taken so long to figure out what was going on with me, but I thank God that I have found relief!
You WILL get better again! When you feel awful, tell yourself "Yes, I feel awful and I don't like it, but I don't fear it!" It's the fear that keeps us down. I wish you strength and courage on this journey.
Be well,
Jen
Jenrite,
Wanted to check in with you on ideas when you were pregnant. Did you get off of the meds before pregnancy? I just got off of meds four months ago and was doing well, but now that we are trying to have a baby I am really having a hard time. What coping mechanisms did you use? I want to try not to use medication while I am pregnant if I don't have to. Would like some advice on what you did to feel better naturally?
Thanks
Wanted to check in with you on ideas when you were pregnant. Did you get off of the meds before pregnancy? I just got off of meds four months ago and was doing well, but now that we are trying to have a baby I am really having a hard time. What coping mechanisms did you use? I want to try not to use medication while I am pregnant if I don't have to. Would like some advice on what you did to feel better naturally?
Thanks
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Guest
I was only off the medication for a few days while I was pregnant - that's what contributed to my panic attack. I have been on Zoloft since then (about 10 weeks pregnant). I nursed my son until he was 2 1/2, while taking Zoloft. He is a perfectly healthy child, growing normally, is very smart and has an awesome vocabulary. I was much healthier being on the Zoloft than I was without any medication. I think that is the key to the decision about whether to take medication while pregnant. Where is the greatest risk? Panic attacks while pregnant are not good for the baby.
As for a non-medicated way to feel better -- I can't say that anything works for sure. Some people might have had luck with other methods. Personally I use medication in combination with breathing and praying. When I was pregnant I took a hypno-birthing class which helped a lot with relaxation and getting in touch with my body and baby. Perhaps a hypnosis type of treatment before getting pregnant would help you?
Sorry I don't have better advice for you!
Best,
Jen
As for a non-medicated way to feel better -- I can't say that anything works for sure. Some people might have had luck with other methods. Personally I use medication in combination with breathing and praying. When I was pregnant I took a hypno-birthing class which helped a lot with relaxation and getting in touch with my body and baby. Perhaps a hypnosis type of treatment before getting pregnant would help you?
Sorry I don't have better advice for you!
Best,
Jen