Help me be more supportive to my wife.

blackcat · Post by **blackcat** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:36 am

I am so proud of my wife for taking the first step to getting help for something that has been holding her back for longer than I think she knows. She has been on meds and in counseling but I think this program is going to be the turning point in her life.

I did listen to the CD that was meant for spouses and it was exceptionally informative. It's good to hear some intelligent discussion on this from people who have been there.

At times though my wife says that she feels I am unsupportive and I am holding her back from her independence. I might be, although I try not to be, unsupportive. We talk about the program and she tells me what she's going through. This is a big deal for her, to me, and for us.

I try to be positive and supportive about it. I try to recognize when I think she's made progress and I try to point out when she's being overboard on something. Both of these prompt the reactions of unsupportive and independence from above.

What else can I do to help her through this? Sometimes I thing the best thing is to just let her do it on her own without asking about it. Other times I think I should be right next to her the whole time.

How should I help her?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:49 am

You are being supportive by just being interested in what she is doing. I think she will let you know when she wants you right by her side or if she wants to do it alone. Women are very good at telling what is on their mind. So basically just listen that is support in it self.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 10:34 am

Listen more than talk and give LOTS of hugs and encouragement. God bless you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:47 am

You sound pretty supportive to me. Just try and "go with the flow" - she may not want to have everything called to her attention, but on the other hand she may. I know it's hard to read women sometimes, sometimes we want things pointed out to us, and other times we don't like it.

I would also say, if she has hormonally related stress and anxiety, mark your calendar for a week before her cycle starts just to be extra sensitive and aware. I know that might sound silly but it's the truth (well for most of us).

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Oct 30, 2009 9:44 pm

BlackCat -

As I work through my anxiety disorder, I have someone in my life that is very supportive and enthusiastic about my recovery. While I truly appreciate the support, I often just want to be treated as "normal" unless I bring up a specific issue I'm dealing with.

When I'm constantly asked how I'm feeling and how I'm progressing, it often makes me feel like I'm being monitored or that I have to report everything that's going on, which leads me to become irritated. Please understand, those of us with anxiety disorders tend to be overly sensitive people. Add on top of that our daily stress of just living and we can become overwhelmed and start to lash out.

I can't speak for everyone and this is just my personal experience. I hope it gives you some insight that may be helpful. Good luck to both of you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:43 am

This is all great advice, thank you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Oct 31, 2009 11:24 am

You sound very supportive and come across as loving and caring with your heart in the right place. Though I am alone, I can say that with friends who support me, sometimes I can be hormonal and defensive and it's often related to the monthly cycle. The week before I have a different brain. Keep this in mind and don't react when she does; just handle with kid gloves (I know, easier said than done). Also sometimes someone just needs to be heard and does not want advice or a solution - just to be heard. this is often the case with women whereas often men want to fix it right then. Try to keep this over-simplified gender stereotype in mind. No derogation or put-down of my gender is intended here! Good luck to you both - you sound loving and she is lucky to have you.