My story

gopens · Post by **gopens** » Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:57 am

Hello folks. This is my story. I have wanted to write this post for a few years now but I always found other things to do. It is time that I type this and get my life up and going. Sorry for the long read.

Well starting back when I was a young teenager I noticed these anxious feelings. But they never really bothered me nor did they prevent me from doing anything at all. I started chewing tobacco when I was about 16 years old. About 2 months into chewing tobacco I started getting heart palpitations. Well this scared the crap out of me and I found myself in the ER. After EKGs and tests the ER doctor told me I was fine. So I made a doctors appointment with my family doctor and he informed me that I was fine as well. He told me that the tobacco was giving me the palpitations--plus I drank TONS of Mt.Dew which gives you palpitations as well.

After my family doctor told me that I would be fine, I really stopped worrying so much. I was still anxious, but I was not running to the ER every week. I was still nervous in big stores and traffic jams, but I did not flip out.

I had mild-moderate anxiety from about 16 until I was close to 23 or so. Then out of the blue, the anxiety attacks just seemed to disappear completely. I had bought the program and was on tape 5 when this happened. So stupid me I just stopped doing the program because i thought I was "fixed". I still could not drive super long distances from my "safe place" and I could not fly--but boy were things good.

Things were really good for me from the age of 23 to about 29 or so. Then one day when I was 29 I went to a local high school football game and I had a bad anxiety attack out of the blue at the game. Then it went down hill from there. I was single at the time and had to force myself into markets to shop and to just do what a person has to do every day to survive because I could not depend on anybody to do it for me.

Then I met my girlfriend shortly after that scary football game I went to. We got pretty serious and she moved in with me within a couple months of dating. Well she started to run to the store for us every day. To be honest she did everything for us that required getting out of the house. From that time, my comfort zone got smaller and smaller and smaller. Next thing you know I could only drive to work (which is only a mile away). And when I got home at noon from work, that was it. I was not leaving until the next morning to go back to work. If I did have to leave I could do it, but I was just a level 8-9 on the anxiety scale.

I am 33 now so this has been back in my life for about 4 years. I purchased the program again about 2 years ago and have not really dove into it yet. Last week I found out that we are closing my company at the end of the month. I was very scared when I heard about this. The day after I received this bad news I told myself I am not going to let this get me down.

So I broke out the program and popped in the first cd and took it all in. Minutes after I finished the cd, hopped in my truck and drove all over town--places I have not been to in years. I felt really good. I can already see a huge change in my thinking.

I am just really scared that I will never fully get over this. I am sure I will get better, but to what degree. I just want to get out and take in all life has to offer. My parents have a house in Hawaii that I have never been to because of this condition. Whats funny is dying no longer scares me and really has not scared me for 15 years. And I know I am healthy. I don't get to concerned about cancers or any other diseases. I know I am not going to pass out. I am just scared on the feelings I have when I have an anxiety attack and I do A LOT of what-if thinking. Mainly what-if I go to this place and I have these feelings I hate so much. They are scary.

Again thanks for reading and sorry for any misspelled words or bad grammar. I just got offered a job about 250 miles north of me that I really want to take. But this anxiety is keeping me here and that bothers me. I just wish I had the courage to say f-you anxiety and do what I want to do. Sorry for the bad language, but I am sure most off us have thought it. Ken

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:18 am

Hi Ken, thanks for sharing your story. I can relate. I have an opportunity to move to Colorado but I am too stinking scared!! I have always lived here in Indy and, even though I really want to go, I keep thinking how can I go and function there if I can't even function well where I feel "safe"? I have battled with life long anxiety too with it getting almost non-existant at times for years then BAM! it's back! I too battle with fear of the symptoms - especially the heart palpitations, even though I've been checked out and everything is great. BUT I do believe we will get better. It is a process, unfortunately patience isn't one of my virtues. Hang in there, you'll come through!! And I hope you take the job. We can't run from ourselves (speaking to myself here too!

)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:28 am

Thanks Hopeful. It seems like we are a lot alike when it comes to anxiety. Its so frustrating when you know deep down inside that this will not hurt you. I do know this. When I get sympoms I don't even think about the doctors office because I know they won't hurt me. They will go away--they always have and will continue to go away.I mean statistics don't lie. Its just being afraid of embarrassing myself is the main issue I have. Like when I am in a store and my legs feel like wet noodles--thats scary. I mean here I am a 6'0 tall 33 year old man afraid of falling in a store or out in public. That in itself is embarrassing. I am going to work out today and start a good diet. I am committing myself %100 as of today. If I have this the rest of my life, I know that I will have done all I can to get rid of it. I have tried many times prior to kick this but it has always been %20. I need to give it my all. I WILL NOT LIVE AFRAID ANYMORE. thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:40 am

When you think your life is shattered and there's no way to be fixed again "Love heals your heart"
Tears for Jesus Ministry at "tearsforjesus910@aol.com
Love heals your heart is a title of a song by Third Day

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 08, 2010 7:04 am

Hi Ken, I'm proud of you. Sometimes we have to get angry at it! You go!!!

And please stay in touch. I look forward to hearing of your progress!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:57 am

So I just made a doctors appointment for tomorrow about my anxiety. I don't really know why I am seeing him because I know that he is going to tell me to work on it or prescribe me pills which I don't really want to take. What are some thoughts on pills. I have read some posts in the Medication Forum but I am still tossed up. I am not scared to be on pills at all if they help me cope. I have just seen so many people say they did nothing for them. Thanks

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 6:25 am

Well my name is Jacob and I just finished week 11 of the program which covers your dilema. I have never been on medication however I was really considering it before I started this program. 12 weeks ago. I am happy to report that the medication wasn't needed just a lot of hard work to change on my part the negative behaviors that got me into depression and anxiety. I don't mean to sound like a theropist or anything but medication is only a band aid to give us temporary relief. It only fixes the problem for a little while. Going through this program you will find the root of your problem and be able to fix them for good. My advice is try the program first. Unless you are suicidal then I would take the meds. Express to the doctor that you are doing this program because I am a testimony that you can change and you can beat this condition. God bless you my friend and just know that all things are possible if you just put your mind to it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 09, 2010 3:44 pm

Ms. Hopeful,
Please do not allow these panic/anxiety attacks to prevent you from moving to Colorado!!!

This is a chance of a lifetime!!! Do it anyway, I beg of you!!! Never allow any type of fear to hold you back from pursuing your dreams!!!

Life is much too short to live in this manner!!! Pleeeeeaaase do it anyways!!! Make that move and you will be soooooooo proud of yourself!!!

You will find out that fear really is just "false evidence appearing real"

I repeat pleeeeasssseee do NOT ALLOW PANIC ATTACKS TO PREVENT YOU FROM MOVING TO A PLACE WHERE YOU WOULD LOVE TO LIVE!!!

YOU ARE SCARING YOUR OWN SELF!!! YOU ARE DOING THIS!!! GOD IS IN CONTROL, AND YOU WILL BE JUST FINE!!!

THERE IS NO SAFE PLACE, NOR DO WE NEED ONE, SINCE JESUS GOES WITH US EVERY SINGLE PLACE THAT WE GO IN THIS LIFE!!!

YOU ARE SAFE....I AM BEGGING OF YOU NOT TO ALLOW THOSE PANIC ATTACKS TO HOLD YOU BACK ONE MORE DAY..

YOU CAN DO THIS...I KNOW THAT YOU CAN!!!

MAKE THAT MOVE....I LOVE YOU DEARLY...GOD BLESS YOU MS HOPEFUL!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:15 am

Hi Ms. T Bones, thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I sent you a PM in more detail.

Ken, how are you doing? I haven't seen you post in a few days. I pray all is well with you. Let us know when you can.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:49 am

Hello Hopeful. I am doing pretty good. I have the doctors appointment today. I will let yall know how it goes. Thanks