How Do You Deal with Disappointment, Frustration, Feeling Down, Minimal Expectations

Comments and inquiries to share with others. (Questions for Staff can be posted below.)
Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Thu Mar 18, 2010 5:10 am

Originally posted by can'tdanceandcan'trelax:
Hi Charlie Brown................I have been following this thread and I am so happy you are happier! You seem like such a good person and definitely sharper than a bowling ball! Hopefully, when you have your interview they will see that. Good luck to you!
can'tdanceandcan'trelax,

THANK YOU for following the thread and the well-wishes and compliments. THANK YOU. :)

Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Sun Mar 21, 2010 10:44 pm

This weekend I unexpectedly learned I can go through all the stressful, negative feelings and it doesn't have to come from a long-standing problem. I can get almost the same feelings of disappointment and stress from something unexpected.

My 8 yo old niece was over this weekend because she is my favorite and I wanted her to go with my wife and I to an Italian restaurant to celebrate my birthday (which was actually Friday.) We were all dressed up when Niecey started whining she didn't want to go an Italian restaurant. My wife told her it was for my birthday but she kept up her refusal. P****d off at this unexpected negativity, I pulled the plug and said we weren't going. A few seconds later she demurely said she'd go. I got in her face and said not to play games with me. "I am the wrong person to play games with. You want to play games? Go play on your X-box. NOW you want to go because I canceled everything after you said you didn't want to go? Ha!! Hey, we don't go--we save money, so it doesn't matter to me." Later I told my wife that "right after breakfast tomorrow you bring her home."

Truth be told, I really didn't care about saving money. I've had to tighten my financial belt so much the past several months, my waistline looks anorexic :D. I wanted the Italian restaurant and enjoy the meal and time with my loved ones.

Saturday afternoon, evening, night, and all of yesterday I had the same tenseness and down-feeling I had when my bank account was literally zero earlier this month. The current feeling was a degree or two less (obviously because not being able to pay bills is much worse than ruined dinner plans), but it was still the same type of feelings. Yesterday I was doing alot of yoga and had my violin music going. Both, as usual, helped relaxed me (along with a tiny piece of .25 mg of Xanax my wife suggested.)

I was surprised my body and mind reacted to this sudden negative turn-of-events. Finances and work issues, 20+ years situations, have always been the reason for the disappointments and frustrations, and the ensuing bodily reactions.

Any input would be appreciated.

P.S. I AM glad if negativity had to come into play, at least it didn't happen on my actual birthday or the week leading up to it. I was grateful to God the past week had been so relaxing and stress-free.

I knew the "warm-fuzzies" from the past week wouldn't last forever and stress with its sidekicks negativity, frustration, and disappointment would return. I figured the return would be related to the usual stuff: money and work. Yesterday it felt strange to be stressed and have money in the bank. :eek:

manofmusic
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Location: Canada

Post by manofmusic » Tue Mar 23, 2010 11:00 am

Your niece was just acting 8. Do you think she meant to toy with you or do you think that that's what 8 year olds do and she doesn't know any better ? Maybe you could've just brushed it off and taken a deep breath and went for the Italian food anyway.

The warm-fuzzies went away because of the way you reacted (maybe ?????). Have you and your niece hugged and made up ?

It amazing how one thing like blowing up at someone can trigger a whole bunch of reminders of other negative things from the past (like bills, lack of $$$$$ etc etc).

Chuck, I hope the "warm-fuzzies" are back and I hope they stay for a while.

How are the job prospects coming along (if the warm-fuzzies just left, accept my appologies LOL)

Charlie Brown
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:31 pm

manofmusic,

Thanks for the reply.

This niece is my favorite one. I have three others. She does actually toy with me. But I also kid around with her, as well. Example: she says she liked it better when I was in the shower (and not in the living room with my wife.) I'll come back with "I'd liked it better when you were taking a nap." :p

She's also a little bit of a brat. She's the youngest, is cute, knows I (and others) love her, and sharp for her age. I jokingly say if I go back into sales, she should come with me as my assistant :) Unfortunately her lack of desire for Italian was on the level.

I wanted Italian because of my birthday. My wife and I could have gone alone another time but because she is a pseudo-daughter, we wanted her with us. She, because of her age and slight brattiness, thinks she can get her way or have things changed to her liking. My wife, her defense attorney :roll: , starts turning out the “But, she’s your baby” fluff. That don’t wash with me. I am old-school when it comes to parenting kids. This was underscored when Niecey changed her mind and said she’d go. I told her if she wants to play games, she needs to get her Wii. Just because she’s my favorite doesn’t mean she gets carte blanche on situations.

It’s three days later and I have no regrets about my response.

No unfortunately the warm fuzzies have not returned. This is typical for me in recent years. After I have a disagreement with someone, it takes a few days for me to get my feelings for that person back to the pre-disagreement time. It may not be the greatest trait, but that’s my sensitive nature.

On the job front, I felt I had a good two-fer interview today at this company. I interviewed with the sales manager I met at last week’s job fair, and then he had meet another sales manager. I liked both and definitely could work for both. (I HATE micromanagers.) I am not popping open champagne and still remain in Cautious Optimism mode, but the feeling I got was that they needed to decide which level of sales rep I would be.

The kicker is that I interviewed with this company last month with a different manager. When I followed up with him after the interview, he told me the company was going to notify me by mail. :eek: What a lying dope. I guess it worked out because I like today's managers much better. It'll be funny if one of them hires me and the dopey manager realizes I got hired anyway. ;) :cool:

Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Wed Mar 24, 2010 5:14 pm

I appreciate the message, T.

Last night I "made up" with my niece. I called my brother-in-law and she picked up the phone. Chances are she saw my number on the TV/phone caller ID. She sounded a little unsure of how I would speak. I heard that cute squeaky voice and just started chatting with her as before.

I got a call back from of the managers I met yesterday. He was giving me an update that since I worked at the company in 1999, they are mulling me over whether I would come back as a returning employee. They had merged with a competitor and are mulling over my old paperwork. The fact he called with an update was definitely a good sign.

On the flip side, I went onto NYS Dept of Labor website to see about my extension date for benefits, and I fretted big time. I saw something about April 4 as the most recent end of extension date, and I am not too sure if this applies to me. I have to call an old contact and get specifics on my case. But that April 4 time frame set off my stress. I was so weak and tired I couldn't even do my yoga. I put on the violin CD, sat in my recliner and said my prayers.

I thanked God for this moment, even though it is exactly the opposite a week ago. Last Wednesday I was relaxed in the park with my coffee soda. Tonight I was having a nervous breakdown about unemployment. It's easy to thank God during the good times and not so easy to thank him during bad times.

1/2 mg of Xanax and curled up in my recliner for about two hours did the trick. I was also able to do a little yoga later on. It felt good.

Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:08 am

Originally posted by Mrs T Bones:
Oh Charlie, I am soooo sorry :( :( :(
Please try your "darnest" to live in the present and just hand over your "future" to the Good Lord!!!

He will provide your each and every need!!! He promised us that in HIS word :) :) :)

I am sure God has a "perfect" plan for your life!!! Just keep "looking up" even, when you are "feeling down"...

My elderly aunt has this motto and I use it as well, "Why worry when you can pray?"

Worry is "such" a precious waste of our moments and some day each of us, would give millions of dollars just to have these moments back to enjoy ;)

So, just run unto that mountain, and say, "Look how big my God is"...

I pray you have a wonderful night's rest all warm, safe, secure and sheltered beneath the wings of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Mrs. T Bones.

The stress and its accompanying "friends" (worry, fear, anxiety, and fatigue) are like a knee-jerk reaction. Something like seeing the April 4 Dept of Labor info or the situation with my niece occur and then my mind and body react. (Though I was a bit surprised, I felt the same way with my niece as I do with money issues, only a little lesser.)

I spoke with my Albany contact and he will call me back.

Right now I don't feel stressed, just fatigued.

Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:34 am

Well, your aunt is definitely right. While typing my previous post, my friend from Albany called. He said I am good until July :).

I just wish I had been able to figure it on my own yesterday on the website.

I am not sure why stress and its friends sometimes hit immediately after a stressing event, and why sometimes it's a delayed reaction. I didn't get stress yesterday until two hours after I was off the Dept of Labor site.

Anyway, if anything, I am glad at how I mentally surmised this. I knew the pendulum would swing back. In other words, I knew everything would be rosy like the day in the park. I was stressed out last night but at least I didn't start with the "why me's?" Hey! The pendulum just swung back: I am good til July!

Thanks again, T.

CORRECTION: In other words, I knew everything would NOT be rosy like the day in the park.
Last edited by Charlie Brown on Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:37 am

BTW: Lovely and heartfelt Powerpoint presentation in the Depression section.

;) :)

manofmusic
Posts: 711
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
Location: Canada

Post by manofmusic » Thu Mar 25, 2010 1:29 pm

Worrying for nothing again Chuck ??? Good grief ! LOL

Good news about unemployment AND about the call back from the manager ! Maybe you were meant to take some time off THEN go back to work. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Good news for me too Chuck ! About 3-4 weeks ago, I filled out my income tax forms. I figured I owed $1,800.00 Well, I went to the bank today to update my pass book and guess what !....I got BACK $298.19 !!!! Sounds like I forgot to carry the one or something !!! I called the main branch to find out if that is what it was and it ends up that it was ! WHAT A RELIEF ! (kind of like your July deadline instead of April 4)

Kick back in your recliner and get those "warm-fuzzies" back, Chuck ! You deserve them !

Charlie Brown
Posts: 442
Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2006 2:56 pm

Post by Charlie Brown » Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:27 pm

Originally posted by manofmusic:
Worrying for nothing again Chuck ??? Good grief ! LOL

Good news about unemployment AND about the call back from the manager ! Maybe you were meant to take some time off THEN go back to work. I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Good news for me too Chuck ! About 3-4 weeks ago, I filled out my income tax forms. I figured I owed $1,800.00 Well, I went to the bank today to update my pass book and guess what !....I got BACK $298.19 !!!! Sounds like I forgot to carry the one or something !!! I called the main branch to find out if that is what it was and it ends up that it was ! WHAT A RELIEF ! (kind of like your July deadline instead of April 4)

Kick back in your recliner and get those "warm-fuzzies" back, Chuck ! You deserve them !
Man o Man :) That is super, super news about getting back money instead of owing (and owing alot.)!!!!! AWESOME!!!!! Yeah, it's definitely like my July/April 4 deal. Again: GREAT NEWS!!

Thanks about the recliner and the fuzzies. I have heard the Christian expression, Prayer Closet. For me, all the praying I've been doing while in my recliner, I am calling it my Prayer Chair! :D ;)

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