Dear Diary,
I had to quit my job. I couldn't do it. I'm not a quitter by nature so this was a hard decision but an easy decision too. My back was being damaged. Yoga and physical therapy have been helping, also, my daily swimming. I'll explain more later, because it was a fun job while it lasted. (I was at the front desk, but also moving luggage and parking cars, as the valet was never around)
I'm going back home to CT today because Julie is getting married on Saturday. I can't wait. Travel on Wed., See Brooke in prison on Thursday, spend the day with Julie and her friends on Friday, Friday night dinner with Jeff and Steve, Saturday the wedding and Sunday we fly home.
Bankruptcy papers have been filed, an offer has been made to the IRS and we are in the process of forclosing on our home.
I'm happy. Believe it or not, I'm happy being with me.
Something is very wrong with DH. I've been taking R's advise and watching, observing, asking questions and something's wrong.
He repeats the same question to me about 3 or 4 times a day and tells me the same rather mundane stories about 3 or 4 times a day. His memory seems to be disappearing slowly, but only his short term memory.
I can't deny it anymore. He had a physical and all is well, but I knew this wouldn't show up on his physical. He's also back to his old tricks of looking at my computer and also reading my emails and also he's getting really mean and nasty again. Could this be part of his illness?
I'll ask Dr. Welby when I talk to her next week. I'll ask her what I should do. I can't deny it anymore. Also, I don't really want to see Jeff on Friday night because he has a weird mean streak and I'm not in that place to deflect any passive aggressive remarks coming from him. I'll just try to remember The Four Agreements and remind myself that his remarks are not about me, they are about him.
I love you all. I was mortified to tell you that I quit my job, but I had to do what is best for me.
Love to all,
J.
PS
I'm writing a novel based on my 43 year friendship with Claudia. We are writing it together, alternating chapters, from one person and then the other person. Names will be changed but places will remain the same. I'm going to be honest and work through all of the bad and the good, the funny and the horrible...
PPS
I can't believe it, but I'm really writing a book. It doesn't even matter if it ever sees the light of day.
XOXOXO
PPS
It will be along the line of "Beaches", but no one will die in the end.
PPPS
Marilyn sends her love. (she sent it months ago, but I kept forgetting to relay the message)
Dear Diary
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
J, you've done the right thing: you can't compromise your physical well being. Your writing project sounds terrific. I'll be the first to order a copy. Of course I've been writing "books" for years. One time I sent the first chapter to a publisher, just popped it into the mail with no research as to how to submit something. I was such a wreck until I got that pink slip that I promised myself I'd never, ever do that again. So my darlings (5 of them) sit on my book shelf. They were my therapy. Good enough.
That does sound like the beginning of the decline. There is some medication to slow it. Sometimes the personality improves. Honestly, I think I'm going in that direction too. My personality is improving too, ha ha. And don't bother with Jeff. You are masterful in all you do. Congratulations on Julie's wedding. Hope Brooke is doing well, XO, XO, XO........T
That does sound like the beginning of the decline. There is some medication to slow it. Sometimes the personality improves. Honestly, I think I'm going in that direction too. My personality is improving too, ha ha. And don't bother with Jeff. You are masterful in all you do. Congratulations on Julie's wedding. Hope Brooke is doing well, XO, XO, XO........T
Re: Dear Diary
So, no one has written on here for a couple of weeks ! Wow.
Well, my current situation is so embarrassing for me and I feel so sad about it.
I used to be a very, very had working individual. I was the kind of person
who would skip breaks at work, skip lunches, come in early to work and stay late.
I used to bring work home with me on the weekends. I was financially secure
and never had to borrow money from anyone. I was also independent as a person....
going on trips by myself and I would also go to the movie theatres and the coffee houses.
I liked to watch movies and I liked to read. I was friends with my co-workers at
my job. I worked hard all of my life, and especially at my last job ( which I worked
at for 24 years ). What a struggle it has been since I got layed off from my job
due to workforce reduction over three years ago !
I am so embarrassed to have had to ask for help from the government and from my family.
I have taken the unemployment insurance benefits to the maximum and now they
are expired. I have taken six months worth of "food stamps" benefits in order to buy food.
My sister is now supporting me financially so that I can keep myself from becoming
homeless during these dire times.
And lastly, I am trying to work with my doctors office and a drug company in order
to qualify for some sort of program that will offer me a free or discounted medication
price on one of my more expensive prescription medications.
It is just embarrassing to ask for all of this help.
Yes, now I am a poor person and I am broke. I cannot believe that this is happening
to me in my life. If I have to tell one more person at the doctors office or one more
person on the phone line that I have no income and no health insurance I will just have to
cry myself to sleep ! I am 52 years old. It is just amazing what path my life
has taken because of my major mental health problems and because of the job
layoff. I used to have a life. But what I have now is nothing like a LIFE at all.
I just want my purpose and dignity back again. That is really all I am asking for.....
purpose and dignity for an old gal out here on her own and not doing so well.
Lynda
Well, my current situation is so embarrassing for me and I feel so sad about it.
I used to be a very, very had working individual. I was the kind of person
who would skip breaks at work, skip lunches, come in early to work and stay late.
I used to bring work home with me on the weekends. I was financially secure
and never had to borrow money from anyone. I was also independent as a person....
going on trips by myself and I would also go to the movie theatres and the coffee houses.
I liked to watch movies and I liked to read. I was friends with my co-workers at
my job. I worked hard all of my life, and especially at my last job ( which I worked
at for 24 years ). What a struggle it has been since I got layed off from my job
due to workforce reduction over three years ago !
I am so embarrassed to have had to ask for help from the government and from my family.
I have taken the unemployment insurance benefits to the maximum and now they
are expired. I have taken six months worth of "food stamps" benefits in order to buy food.
My sister is now supporting me financially so that I can keep myself from becoming
homeless during these dire times.
And lastly, I am trying to work with my doctors office and a drug company in order
to qualify for some sort of program that will offer me a free or discounted medication
price on one of my more expensive prescription medications.
It is just embarrassing to ask for all of this help.
Yes, now I am a poor person and I am broke. I cannot believe that this is happening
to me in my life. If I have to tell one more person at the doctors office or one more
person on the phone line that I have no income and no health insurance I will just have to
cry myself to sleep ! I am 52 years old. It is just amazing what path my life
has taken because of my major mental health problems and because of the job
layoff. I used to have a life. But what I have now is nothing like a LIFE at all.
I just want my purpose and dignity back again. That is really all I am asking for.....
purpose and dignity for an old gal out here on her own and not doing so well.
Lynda
Re: Dear Diary
Hey all, life is good. Sure as hell does not seem that way at times. Wish you a great labor day of 2012. The word labor I have found has several meanings. Work is one and another is labor as in having birth. So as we approach here in the USA a time in which a way of life is at question. Do we want to be the light of life for the world or due we want to have men take care of us as they rule our lives. Or do we want to rule our lives as by our own choices?
Lyndalu now is a time to use any advantage that is available to regain your well being. You have put in for yrs and now is a time when the nest can eaarn it's keep. They, the Government are wasting on ignorance so please use what is now available. The future is not going to be so compasionate as nature will prevail. As you well know that when your broke your broke. Everything becomes real. Have you stayed active in the church as that can be a lead to many different trails of growth and oppertunity?
Lyndalu now is a time to use any advantage that is available to regain your well being. You have put in for yrs and now is a time when the nest can eaarn it's keep. They, the Government are wasting on ignorance so please use what is now available. The future is not going to be so compasionate as nature will prevail. As you well know that when your broke your broke. Everything becomes real. Have you stayed active in the church as that can be a lead to many different trails of growth and oppertunity?
Re: Dear Diary
Tina I think of you often. My mom is doing well and seems to be crossing another cognitive plateau decent into oblivian. We or I are so helpless and that in itself is very draining. She is still at home. Security survailence is in the works. She so does not understand the losses and tries so hard to understand and does know the moment. The biggest drain for me is that having to depend on others to be accountable for what they say they will or will not due. It is quite debilitating for me living 24 miles away. Your wisdom and drive for health is what has given me support to make it work for mom to stay in her home. Most folks say keep them in the home as long as possible, it is amazing how some choose priorites as evasion and then say well a care center is so much better..... my butt they are. They are a last resort and when my day comes I will not be cking into any of the resorts. Thank you for being YOU.
J, How was the hurricane? I feel assured you will make the best and keep on keeping on. You have been quite and I so hope that is a good thing with all your new ventures. Tell me you have learned more about dh. It can be critical that the aura of the disiese does not consume you. Do be aware and stay safe.
I was able to spend a week in Oak Island, nc playing on the beach and kayaking the ocean. Awsume and exilerating. Then last wkend had to go to Myrtle beach for a wedding. 1400 miles for a 25 min wedding...... Number 4 to boot. I did it for the wife. A very challanging exsperience, 24 hrs in a van with 6 independant minds, such a practice in comunication skills and perseverance.
I feel better sharing and at this moment realize just how well it works and can revive a discouraged moment.
Thanks Ladys.
R
J, How was the hurricane? I feel assured you will make the best and keep on keeping on. You have been quite and I so hope that is a good thing with all your new ventures. Tell me you have learned more about dh. It can be critical that the aura of the disiese does not consume you. Do be aware and stay safe.
I was able to spend a week in Oak Island, nc playing on the beach and kayaking the ocean. Awsume and exilerating. Then last wkend had to go to Myrtle beach for a wedding. 1400 miles for a 25 min wedding...... Number 4 to boot. I did it for the wife. A very challanging exsperience, 24 hrs in a van with 6 independant minds, such a practice in comunication skills and perseverance.
I feel better sharing and at this moment realize just how well it works and can revive a discouraged moment.
Thanks Ladys.
R
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
R, always good to hear from you. Glad you had some good times on outings. The mental decline situation can become one of the worst trials for a family to watch, to deal with. At a certain point I think it makes no difference where they may be, they are so out of it. It is likely to be my fate too no matter how I fight it. Believe there is a window of opportunity when I have every intention to act though I'm still searching for the how to.
This condition goes in only one direction. That's one aspect of that tragedy. Yet it can take a long time to be terminal. Father, mother, brother in my family. I'm the last. I won't go down that road even if I have to hire an assassin (bad joke). Be strong, R, accept what is and can't be changed. You are a great family man.......T
This condition goes in only one direction. That's one aspect of that tragedy. Yet it can take a long time to be terminal. Father, mother, brother in my family. I'm the last. I won't go down that road even if I have to hire an assassin (bad joke). Be strong, R, accept what is and can't be changed. You are a great family man.......T
Re: Dear Diary
A long overdue "hello folks". Do hope all are getting along ok. I suppose no news is usually good news, allthough I am understanding the need to stay connected to a grounding activity that recruits opposition for me so as to stay mobile in life.
Like the tree that will not bend, it breaks. With winter coming I am nervous at being prepared for the gloomy days.
J, I see your active and cultivating positive attributes.
T, How are ya youngin ?
Where are the other two girls, lynda are ya still with us. Havn,t heard from the other girl, i,ve forgotten her name that had a son giving her fits.
Election is coming and hopefully bambam is toast and things can get back to what we are capable of not what gov wants us to be.
Anyway be safe and have some fun for yourself.
R
Like the tree that will not bend, it breaks. With winter coming I am nervous at being prepared for the gloomy days.
J, I see your active and cultivating positive attributes.
T, How are ya youngin ?
Where are the other two girls, lynda are ya still with us. Havn,t heard from the other girl, i,ve forgotten her name that had a son giving her fits.
Election is coming and hopefully bambam is toast and things can get back to what we are capable of not what gov wants us to be.
Anyway be safe and have some fun for yourself.
R
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
How nice to hear from you, R. Yes, I'm getting younger every day: grow more hair, more brain cells, smoother skin, etc. Frankly, it's disgusting. No matter what I do, nature has other ideas.
What will we do about bambam? The first time in 51 years we may have a split vote here, in tune with problematic CO, ha ha. Can't wait for this to be over and have some other topics of conversation like the A. Spring turning into the A. Nightmare. Hope all is well with you. How is your mother? Where is J? The other two seem to be gone. I'm the only one who hangs around until I kick off for good.
What will we do about bambam? The first time in 51 years we may have a split vote here, in tune with problematic CO, ha ha. Can't wait for this to be over and have some other topics of conversation like the A. Spring turning into the A. Nightmare. Hope all is well with you. How is your mother? Where is J? The other two seem to be gone. I'm the only one who hangs around until I kick off for good.
Re: Dear Diary
Thanks Tina, So glad to hear all those reinvigorating transformations are going on. Colo is a awsume state. I like the remote while many are groupies....
I see J active on facebook. A very positive spirit.
The theraputic value of common comunication is priceless and so often left behind while we chase distractions.
Mom is doing great I think. I am abit predjiduce though. Bro and sis still remaining inactive. They do what works for them I suppose. Very lucky to find a local loving lady that is her afternoon and evening keeper. She is still maintaining hygene and staying safe, she is very lonely, the alternatives are not palatable to her so staying with what she knows is in her best interest. What is companionship without any ownership or privacy? I still do her mornings needs and the running. Sis helps abit and is slowly seeing the benefit of cooperation combining with communication is generally easier for all involved. I have came up with a plan for the day when it comes for me and will implement such if I "remember" it.......
I am with you and so eager to see America prospering again. It is so very degradeing and discourageing when it does not have to be this way.
Have a great fall season. I am getting fairly good at being a breakfast cook. Not a large menu selection though.
Be safe.
R
I see J active on facebook. A very positive spirit.
The theraputic value of common comunication is priceless and so often left behind while we chase distractions.
Mom is doing great I think. I am abit predjiduce though. Bro and sis still remaining inactive. They do what works for them I suppose. Very lucky to find a local loving lady that is her afternoon and evening keeper. She is still maintaining hygene and staying safe, she is very lonely, the alternatives are not palatable to her so staying with what she knows is in her best interest. What is companionship without any ownership or privacy? I still do her mornings needs and the running. Sis helps abit and is slowly seeing the benefit of cooperation combining with communication is generally easier for all involved. I have came up with a plan for the day when it comes for me and will implement such if I "remember" it.......
I am with you and so eager to see America prospering again. It is so very degradeing and discourageing when it does not have to be this way.
Have a great fall season. I am getting fairly good at being a breakfast cook. Not a large menu selection though.
Be safe.
R