Hi All,
Not much to add today, I just want to let you know that I am going to visit Brooke in prison tomorrow.
She was medically disqualified from the 6 month shock drug program due to heart problems, but she is now in the alternative 6 month drug program at the Bedford Hills Woman's Correctional Facility.
They shaved her head and then told her she didn't qualify for Boot camp, and sent her back down to the Maximum Security Prison after sending her upstate to boot camp.
She is very lonely, sad, destitute, and bald, to paraphrase her.
I'm going to bring her The Bible and a few books. (I'm debating taking her "inside the mind of Casey Anthony" but I'm not sure about that. Thoughts would be welcome from those who(M?) have read the book. (Tina)
Anyway, I'm planning on being strong but I'm worried I'll fall apart when I see her in chains.
She just has to complete 6 months in prison and then 3 years of maximum parole. She wrote that it is the parole she is worried about. She was crying when she wrote me, as she said so, and I saw her tear stains on her letter.
I understand that she is worried she will not be able to stay clean.
Please Pray or just send good vibes our way.
Much Love Always,
J.
XO
Dear Diary
Re: Dear Diary
PS
What was I THINKING to give that book to my daughter in a prison filled with murderers!
I will bring her another copy (my copy) of LTT. Much better idea. I gave it to her once, but I'm not sure if she read it. I will also bring her The Seven Wonders ....
What was I THINKING to give that book to my daughter in a prison filled with murderers!
I will bring her another copy (my copy) of LTT. Much better idea. I gave it to her once, but I'm not sure if she read it. I will also bring her The Seven Wonders ....
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Jamie, Jamie, I embrace you to give you strength. See her and only love her. Don't understand shaving the head. Bring her a nice hat. The Casey A book meant a lot to me: identified my problem (ISS). So I see no issue with it. The other two of Dr. K are great, of course. You've been so brave and strong and you'll face this too. There is no other way but to look forward.
My brother is on his death bed. I cry, but can deal with it. Why? Because I've worked at it for 4 years now. You've worked on yourself for all that time too, and then some. Will be by your side to be with you and Brooke, Love.........T
My brother is on his death bed. I cry, but can deal with it. Why? Because I've worked at it for 4 years now. You've worked on yourself for all that time too, and then some. Will be by your side to be with you and Brooke, Love.........T
Re: Dear Diary
J, Bless you for having the strength to not abandon her. The shave could be for several reasons. Head lice would be one, elimination of maitainence and also a slice of humble pie. Check with the powers that be if a hat or head scarf is allowed.
An old book allthough a great book is "Death Be not Proud". I don't remember the author but I am sure it is a easy find.
Might also ask if she can have magazines. You could put a pebble in your shoe to cause enough discomfort that redirects the emotional tears. That is a tough one, happytears are ok.....
Tina I am sorry for the anguish about brother, The will to live is mind boggling. As I read there is no pain and more than likely little memory to taunt him. Does not make it any easier for us. My Mom is better now that she is getting breakfast everyday and the meds regularly. So much so that the Dr reduced the BP med and also cutting down on the Anti depressant by 50 %. A book that may help to give more understanding for you is "The 36 hr Day". The alzhiemers assoc will give you a copy, I read it and gave it to my sister, she said she was to busy to read a book.
Lindalu good for you staying busy and turning over all the stones to keep moving forward. It works if we work it.
I must have made the other girl mad, she has not been back. Sorry but I am not one for excuses.
Thanks Ladys and do be safe.
R
An old book allthough a great book is "Death Be not Proud". I don't remember the author but I am sure it is a easy find.
Might also ask if she can have magazines. You could put a pebble in your shoe to cause enough discomfort that redirects the emotional tears. That is a tough one, happytears are ok.....
Tina I am sorry for the anguish about brother, The will to live is mind boggling. As I read there is no pain and more than likely little memory to taunt him. Does not make it any easier for us. My Mom is better now that she is getting breakfast everyday and the meds regularly. So much so that the Dr reduced the BP med and also cutting down on the Anti depressant by 50 %. A book that may help to give more understanding for you is "The 36 hr Day". The alzhiemers assoc will give you a copy, I read it and gave it to my sister, she said she was to busy to read a book.
Lindalu good for you staying busy and turning over all the stones to keep moving forward. It works if we work it.
I must have made the other girl mad, she has not been back. Sorry but I am not one for excuses.
Thanks Ladys and do be safe.
R
Re: Dear Diary
I am so overwhelmed by everyones situations that I really don't know what to write. 
J: I will send prayers your way. The hair will grow back. I had my hair almost all shaved off three months ago
and it is growing back nicely. Don't be nervous about the visit, you will do fine, you are very strong.
Great idea to bring the books, good to keep the mind busy with something positive and uplifting to read.
T: I am so sorry to hear about your brother. My thoughts will be with you.
R: Thank you for your response. Always nice to hear from you. Glad to hear that your mother
is doing so well.
L
J: I will send prayers your way. The hair will grow back. I had my hair almost all shaved off three months ago
and it is growing back nicely. Don't be nervous about the visit, you will do fine, you are very strong.
Great idea to bring the books, good to keep the mind busy with something positive and uplifting to read.
T: I am so sorry to hear about your brother. My thoughts will be with you.
R: Thank you for your response. Always nice to hear from you. Glad to hear that your mother
is doing so well.
L
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
The wonder is that we can come here and give each other support, gather our strength, and face what we each must.
R, anti-depressants with the elderly can help, I suppose, but can also exacerbate other issues. I was very much against them with my brother but had no power being so far away. I disagreed right down the line. In his case the Reaper clearly won; he will not win with me. I know the book you refer to: John Gunther's memoir of his brave, extraordinary son. The title is from a poem by John Donne. We win by living fully and courageously every day, until the game is up. We can meet that day with our dignity and self respect in tact. I hope to go with a smile on my face and only love in my heart.
R, anti-depressants with the elderly can help, I suppose, but can also exacerbate other issues. I was very much against them with my brother but had no power being so far away. I disagreed right down the line. In his case the Reaper clearly won; he will not win with me. I know the book you refer to: John Gunther's memoir of his brave, extraordinary son. The title is from a poem by John Donne. We win by living fully and courageously every day, until the game is up. We can meet that day with our dignity and self respect in tact. I hope to go with a smile on my face and only love in my heart.
Re: Dear Diary
Tina and Rick too,
You both meet each day with dignity, respect and grace and you have both taught me SO much. Tina I am so sorry for the loss of your brother's abilities, so to speak. I just watched my best friend's father die of complications from dementia, and it was a blessing when he did die, peacefully, in his sleep. Tina, you are an inspiration to so many, and a comfort to me.
I just got back from the Bedford Hills Maximum Correctional Facility for women. I don't know where to begin....Wow.
I guess I'll just tell you about Brooke and let you leave the whole processing part to your imagination. It is everything I expected , but humane too. I didn't expect it to be humane.
Anyway, when I finally saw Brooke, and she was led into the room, I almost fainted with joy and grief at the same time. She is emaciated. Beyond emaciated, her baldness is growing out and her teeth are almost not there. But Brooke is the sweetest child on this planet. She is so sweet, tender, empathetic, compassionate and kind and loving. When she is clean.
She is depressed and humiliated. She said "Mom, this is my bottom"....She told me her "bottom" was when she was being transferred from upstate NY (after not qualifying for the 'shock' drug program because of her heart). She was shackled to another prisoner in the van, and her wrists were strapped in a box(?) or something like that. It was a 10 hour van ride and she couldn't get up. She said passers by in other cars were all staring through the windows at the freaks in the van.
That was her bottom.
Now, on Tuesday, she starts her "alternative" 6 month drug program. If she completes it she will be released in September. They will drive her to the bus depot, give her a ticket to ny, and from there she will be on her own, but on a 1 1/2 year intense parole. She is taking things one day at a time. She has a job sweeping the dorm every night from 6-9pm, and that starts Tuesday too. She will be meeting with a mental health coordinator to get her back on her meds, which help with her OCD and her eating disorder.
She has almost no hope, but she said instead of complete darkness, her life now is very "gloomy", which is a little bit of hope I think. She has plans on entering the "realization" program in NYC upon her release, to seek help with her severe eating disorder.
We talked, we laughed, we mostly cried. I told her over and over and over and over that she is lovable and always has been. I told her I wish I was a better mother to her. I told her I love her over and over and over. We hugged for about 5 minutes straight, both when she entered and when I left.
The room was an open room and we sat at a table, with Brooke facing the front and she was not in hand cuffs.
She told me she is laying low and staying out of trouble. She pointed out (discreetly) several murderers in the room. One woman killed her baby because of Post Partum(sp) and Oh, OM Gosh. I saw P. Smart. I'm not spelling her whole name out here, but she is famous for being a teacher and hiring her student to kill her husband. She was in the room too.
Very strange.
I brought Brooke The Bible, LTT, and The 7 Wonders and 2 novels. She promised she would read The 7 Wonders first. I know she will, and I think she will get a lot from the book. If she does, I will forever be in debt to both of the authors.
I could go on and on, but I'm drained, emotionally. I'm going to try to go every weekend until I move. Her father won't take her collect calls, but I can be there for her.
That's it for now.
Peace and Love to all,
Love,
Jamie
XO
You both meet each day with dignity, respect and grace and you have both taught me SO much. Tina I am so sorry for the loss of your brother's abilities, so to speak. I just watched my best friend's father die of complications from dementia, and it was a blessing when he did die, peacefully, in his sleep. Tina, you are an inspiration to so many, and a comfort to me.
I just got back from the Bedford Hills Maximum Correctional Facility for women. I don't know where to begin....Wow.
I guess I'll just tell you about Brooke and let you leave the whole processing part to your imagination. It is everything I expected , but humane too. I didn't expect it to be humane.
Anyway, when I finally saw Brooke, and she was led into the room, I almost fainted with joy and grief at the same time. She is emaciated. Beyond emaciated, her baldness is growing out and her teeth are almost not there. But Brooke is the sweetest child on this planet. She is so sweet, tender, empathetic, compassionate and kind and loving. When she is clean.
She is depressed and humiliated. She said "Mom, this is my bottom"....She told me her "bottom" was when she was being transferred from upstate NY (after not qualifying for the 'shock' drug program because of her heart). She was shackled to another prisoner in the van, and her wrists were strapped in a box(?) or something like that. It was a 10 hour van ride and she couldn't get up. She said passers by in other cars were all staring through the windows at the freaks in the van.
That was her bottom.
Now, on Tuesday, she starts her "alternative" 6 month drug program. If she completes it she will be released in September. They will drive her to the bus depot, give her a ticket to ny, and from there she will be on her own, but on a 1 1/2 year intense parole. She is taking things one day at a time. She has a job sweeping the dorm every night from 6-9pm, and that starts Tuesday too. She will be meeting with a mental health coordinator to get her back on her meds, which help with her OCD and her eating disorder.
She has almost no hope, but she said instead of complete darkness, her life now is very "gloomy", which is a little bit of hope I think. She has plans on entering the "realization" program in NYC upon her release, to seek help with her severe eating disorder.
We talked, we laughed, we mostly cried. I told her over and over and over and over that she is lovable and always has been. I told her I wish I was a better mother to her. I told her I love her over and over and over. We hugged for about 5 minutes straight, both when she entered and when I left.
The room was an open room and we sat at a table, with Brooke facing the front and she was not in hand cuffs.
She told me she is laying low and staying out of trouble. She pointed out (discreetly) several murderers in the room. One woman killed her baby because of Post Partum(sp) and Oh, OM Gosh. I saw P. Smart. I'm not spelling her whole name out here, but she is famous for being a teacher and hiring her student to kill her husband. She was in the room too.
Very strange.
I brought Brooke The Bible, LTT, and The 7 Wonders and 2 novels. She promised she would read The 7 Wonders first. I know she will, and I think she will get a lot from the book. If she does, I will forever be in debt to both of the authors.
I could go on and on, but I'm drained, emotionally. I'm going to try to go every weekend until I move. Her father won't take her collect calls, but I can be there for her.
That's it for now.
Peace and Love to all,
Love,
Jamie
XO
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Dear Diary
We try, we try, we try, as do you, as does Brooke. Jamie I cry with you reading this, at the same time am so proud of both of you and appreciative of you taking us with you. You can always own up to your past pitfalls; she will always forgive you. A daughter understands honesty. I had my issue with my daughter which came out at LTT when you were not there. Never lose trust in Brooke, no matter what. That is true love. Even when you move you can be in close touch. My daughter is far away, I had to lose her to San Francisco. But we are as close as if she were next door. That is likely to happen with you two also. Forget the father. Let him come to her.
Jamie, you are heroic. Embrace yourself as I embrace you, Love..............T
Jamie, you are heroic. Embrace yourself as I embrace you, Love..............T
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eternaljoy
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 8:37 pm
Re: Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
I am new to this program and feel very anxious about writing any comment. This is a start to feeling better for me.
thanks,
eternalJoy.
I am new to this program and feel very anxious about writing any comment. This is a start to feeling better for me.
thanks,
eternalJoy.
Re: Dear Diary
Welcome to the program and to the "Dear Diary" thread.
You will find comfort here. Please feel free to share what is happening in your day, your life, etc, and we will be happy to support you through your triumphs and tribulations.
Again,
Welcome...
XO
J.
You will find comfort here. Please feel free to share what is happening in your day, your life, etc, and we will be happy to support you through your triumphs and tribulations.
Again,
Welcome...
XO
J.