I'm afraid to even start!

Roger09 · Post by **Roger09** » Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:48 pm

Wow. Thank you all very much. Especially to you Mark and Susan. I just got the program yesterday. I can really identify with you Mark. In all what you said. (I read all the entries.) I hope Susan has given you some courage and Hope. I know her entries gave me a lot of hope. Mark don't wait! Let's start toghether. I have only listened to the session 1 cd so far. I like the suggestion that StressCenter.com gave you about changing the order of sessions slightly. What do you think? Do you want to do that. I live alone and I am not working. Maybe we could correspond to each other? With everyones help we can do this! Hope to hear from you soon.

Roger

mark167 · Post by **mark167** » Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:22 am

Yes, Susan has (and others have too) given me some hope and courage. I'm still struggling with what it is going to take to motivate me to start and even think about getting better or becoming happy. I still have not opened the box! I think the longer it stays unopened, the more discouraged I get. I do want things to change but I just can't foresee it becoming a reality.
In case you haven't noticed, that little bit of positivity I had last week has disappeared. I'm so frustrated on the tight grip this depression has on me. It is a seemingly constant battle of self-doubt, lack of motivation/energy, and procrastination. This morning I cried for the first time in a while (other than when I have been on this forum) and also had a very negative and scary thought. My anxiety has also risen as judged by the state of my disappearing fingernails.
I'm just really doubting myself and my abilty to do anything about it. Like I've said before, it is very dibilitating and the more stuck I feel, the more I feel like there is no way out, and the longer it goes on, the more discouraged I feel. I just don't know what to do. I'm fed up with myself. Sorry for all the negativity. I can't think straight anymore and need to stop. Too many tears.

Susan Gilbert · Post by **Susan Gilbert** » Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:11 am

I think that Roger has a great idea about working with mark. When we have someone there to support us, it can be easier. Roger, keep at it. Mark, you are the one who has to make that first step of opening the package. Ask yourself what you are afraid of and what is the worst that can happen when you open the package? Remind yourself that if you don't open it, your life will not get better and is that what you want? I am not a promoter of medications but maybe you need to see a doctor to help you get past this hurdle that you seem to be having. Sometimes lessening one's anxiety and depression with meds. for a while can help one move forward. It is about choices. Which path do you want to take-go forward or backwards? Think of the results of each and then choose. There is no Right or Wrong decision. It is about what you want to make your life today! We believe that you want to move forward and know you can do it. If just opening the package is all you do today, that would be great. One step at a time. You can do this!

Roger09 · Post by **Roger09** » Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:31 am

Mark, Think of just taking small steps. Sometimes I imagine just moving my foot to the next biggest rock to cross the stream. A few more rocks and I will be across!

One of my managers at work use to always tell me "You can only eat an elephant one bite at a time!"

I think you have a Lot of help here. You can do this. Call someone you know to get your mind off it. That will help.

I care,
Roger

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:06 am

All i'm going to say is that life rarely stays at a constant level...you can go up or down and often there is fluctuation. Fluctuation happens when things change.

Let me ask you a question, do you believe you'll start to feel better or worse if you do nothing diffrent. If you're like me then you'll realize that your world just becomes more restricted and lonely. It really won't get any better and I'm sure you've already figured that out.

Is there a potential for you to overcome the condition if you start using the program? I would say so, there are many people who have before you. It may not feel like it would help you but have your feelings always proved to be true? Have they accurately reflected the situations you were in 100%? You may feel like it won't help you but that doesn't mean it won't help you. Your thoughts and emotions are what are out of wack so they are not a very reliable source when it comes to evaluation.

Mike

mark167 · Post by **mark167** » Wed Oct 28, 2009 4:14 am

I realize if I don't do anything different or to try to change, things will not get better. They will probably get even worse, if that is possible. What am I afraid of? I figure if I open the box and try it, I will not get what I want out of it, probably because I won't put in the time and effort, and therefore won't feel the disappointment from another failure. Then again, if I don't try it, I am certain to fail. I tried 3 or 4 different medications over the last 3 years with little noticeable difference. I understand medications can help with the imbalances and I wish they would help me more. I will speak with my doctor about it again next time.
I guess I just feel so overwhelmed and undermotivated that it is hard to face doing what I need to do. That elephant just seems very big and even eating it one bite at a time seems like I will never arrive at a successful end. Like I said in one of my previous entries, why is it so difficult to convince myself, and do what is necessary, to choose wanting to get better or become happy? Do I want to get better? Yes. Do I think I can? I don't know. Do I know how? No. Like it says in the other topic. I'm sick of this crap and want to get better.
I really appreciate the support and encouragement from everyone and having the ability to open up like this in a public forum. I think if I didn't have you all and this opportunity, I would have thrown in the towel and returned the program by now, determined that I would never get better. I'm trying to hang on to the hope and possibility of improving, reading how it has helped other people, but it is a huge and frustrating struggle. It is always the first step in any long journey that is the hardest for me to do. Is there someone at StressCenter.com I can contact / speak with to advise or guide me through this first big obstacle? Maybe that might help.

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:24 pm

Getting the motivation has been a struggle for all of us i'm sure...at least me it was, especially the relaxation cd. I would think well what is the point? I'm not going to get better, this'll just be a waste of time...it took me awhile to follow the program the way it suggests. I am only really doing it this time through (probabbly the 10th time). I've found 2 things to help with this.

1)I remind myself how many years I've had this problem and what my life will be like if i don't work through the problem. This will be feelings like i wasted my life, that i'll be completely lonely and such. I keep reaffirming the fear and use that as motivation. The 2 things that motivate are pain and pleasure.

2)My digestive system is underpar. Consuming alot of heavy foods such as cheese (i'm lactose intollerant), pork, beef (in large ammounts)..etc, make me feel heavy, exhausted, lethargic, unmotivated, more depressed & moody. When i'm constipated (not having a bowel movement on a daily basis), I feel like crap (pun intended). Stress supresses not only the immune system but the digestive system as well and when we are having alot of anxiety it takes it toll therefore I eat light, at least for now. I have to also take senakot which is like taking a senna tea in order to keep myself regular.

Maybe you'd be more motivated by seeing a video of someone who has overcome anxiety and depression. Steven Farris, a member of the forums has done so and created a few youtube videos. Check this one out when you get the chance;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oQ5tV0eyrs

Hope that helps;

NinjaFrodo

Susan Gilbert · Post by **Susan Gilbert** » Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:34 pm

ninjaFrodo made good points.

Our diet can make a big difference in how we feel and control our emotions. Sometimes depression can be related to a weakened liver. Addressing one's health issues can help deal with depression and increase our motivation and help our mood. I have had IBS and am lactose intolerant. Doctors didn't know how to help me. I turned to an herbalist and read about Natural Health approaches. That is how I found Lucinda's program.

I have mentioned before that writing down what you want to accomplish is very powerful. A first step is to write that you want to get better or over come the anxiety. Reread the statement, say it out loud several times a day till you get rid of the doubts and really believe that you want to get better. It is simple but it really works!

Mark you might want to write, I am ready to open the program or I am ready to start the program. Every time one of your doubts start entering your thoughts, repeat the statement. You are a very capable person and deserve a better life. Believe that, and you will keep moving forward. StressCenter.com program might not fix all your problems but it is a starting point.

mark167 · Post by **mark167** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:18 am

I am ready to open and to start the program. I do want to get better and live a better life, and often repeat it to myself. I guess the many years of getting used to the ANTs and living this way, and especially with procrastination, it does not seem to be sinking in. After being given 2 extra weeks, I now have only 3 days left to do something about it. Now I have a new anxiety to think about! It seems so simple - all I have to do for now is just open the box and hopefully put in the first lesson right away. It won't be much of a free trial of the program as I won't have a good idea of what it is like or how it works. I have not even looked at the coaching videos that come by e-mail every week as I haven't started lesson 1 yet. I am just going by the testimonials I have heard on this forum and based on that, there must be something to it. I just hope I can stick with it and not give up on it, or myself, before I give it a fair and concerted effort.

Susan Gilbert · Post by **Susan Gilbert** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 7:17 am

mark167,

It is great to hear that you are ready to open the box! Remember, there is no right way to use the program. They give suggestions, like starting with Lesson 3 would be helpful for you, but no one is judging you! Watching the first video might help. Lucinda is there talking to you. It is like she is there in your livingroom wanting to help you. There are no time limits once you get the program. If you only do the first lesson before you have to decide, at least you have something to base your decision on. It may be enough to help you decide.
You get out of the program what you put into it. Everyone is different. I went through the program twice and I learned new things each time. The program helps people grow from where they are and at their own pace. Keep reminding yourself of the good things that will come to you once you open the box. Try to focus on the present! You can do this!! Even if you have to say, "Go away anxiety. I am tired of you! I don't want or need you in my life anymore." I know it isn't easy but believe me, you can bring peace and wonderful things into your life by starting this program. I have and still am. I use the strategies taught all the time. YOU deserve to like who you are and your life.