Dear Diary

[Loveslife]

Thank you for your encouraging words, Tina.
Don't retire, rewire!!! (that's what my stepson says, and he's right)
XO

[bunny rabbit]

Thank you Paislee for your kind comments. I'd like the name of the Christian Relaxation CD you are listening to. It sounds wonderful. I have just listened to session 8 and am getting back to the program. I need to finish it. I put everything on hold because of my sister, then father, then chosen mom, dying. I am seeing a Hospice Chaplain this week. I just came back from a glorious 3 days at a wonderful Christian resort. We had a room overlooking a lake. I went swimming each day and went hiking in the woods. It was wonderful. The first speaker was talking about the Bible College which is now a university that I went to 40 years ago. Then he talked about his recent trip to Africa. My daughter and her husband are planning to go again to Africa at Christmas time. So, I felt so blessed and right at home. It's hard to come back from a little taste of heaven. Blessings from Bunny

[manofmusic]

Bunny Rabbit,

You have been thru so much this year and you seem to be doing ok !

Dad passed away this year and now mom is sick. I know that mom could be around for years yet, but sometimes I find myself grieving her passing already. I'm beginning to make myself sick. When I go over to see mom, she has a smile on her face and she has such a positive outlook. I know that I've said before that I'm going to have that same positive outlook, but it tough to do. I want to have that same positive outlook. I can't have the negative attitude that I'm having now for the next few years if she goes that long because if I do, I'll end up in the hospital. Did you have the same kind of feelings before they passed away ? How did you deal with it. I really want to live in the moment. I want to make my time with mom count. I know that no one is promised tomorrow......but I still get really sad quite a bit. I get even sadder when people talk to mom like she's going to pass away tomorrow. It doesn't seem to bother her (when people are around anyway). When I talk to her, I stay upbeat. We laugh a lot. I make sure to keep the mood light. We have had our serious talks about the situation, but I want to stay positive. When I leave mom's house, I get really sad again. It's wearing me out.

[forever young 06]

manomusic,
I know how you feel about your mother. my mother is in the hospital right now not sure what is going on with her. she is 87 and is in the nursing home. she has been vomiting for serval days they did a ct scan today. I like you dread losing her my father died when I was 10 I am now 57 so it has been a long time. It is sad to lose your parents. I tell myself it is bound to happen and she is old I just hope she doesn't get real sick and have to see her suffer that I dread too . but I am trying to not think about it. we should hear from the test tomorrow I feel she won't have surgery are she could be too weak. I am trying to take it one day at a time. hang in the mano I know you have been thru a lot you are stronger than you know that you are.

[bunny rabbit]

Hi Mano: You are referring to Anticipatory Grief. This is the long goodbye. It is also referred to as the new grief by grief counselors. Due to the advanced medical intervention we have today, people are living longer with poorer quality of lives often. It is now the choice of adult children to put their parent into palliative care, as I did my father which years ago didn't happen. I applaud your efforts to be positive and upbeat around your mother. I have to do the same. When my sister, Dad and chosen Mom were all dying I was going through meltdown at times. I've learned to express my grief sometimes wailing at the top of my lungs to get it outside myself. I would do this alone, locking myself in the bathroom and putting a CD on loud while my husband who has zero understanding for my feelings watched TV in another room. That is the only way I've survived. It's not a pretty site to be sure but it works for me. I journal every day. I wrote letter after letter to them all expressing my grief. I didn't send these letters, but I often took the good parts and rewrote and mailed them. The best thing I learned from grieving before loved ones die is that I had an opportunity to say the five really important things the dying need to hear. They are "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you and finally Goodbye till we meet again." There may be more but I made sure that I said these things to my loved ones before they died. This is my gift to you today. This is one of the reasons why God has allowed me to go through so much unbelievable pain. It hurts like blazes but the grief has also transformed me into a stronger, wiser and more compassionate, empathetic person. My hearts goes out to you across the web. Blessings from Bunny

[Loveslife]

Dear Diary,
I'm so happy to report that my older daughter has been in a mandatory inpatient treatment center and will remain there for at least one year, possibly two. She has been receiving treatment. I thought she was in jail, and I was too afraid to find out her sentence. The courts sent her to a mandatory treatment center, AGAIN. I was sure they wouldn't do this, as she ran away the last time.
She is making nice progress according to her lawyer.
Shame on me for not having the courage to face my fears, but at least I finally did, due to Dr. Welby prodding me, and now I can finally exhale. She is getting the help she needs and more importantly, accepting the help she needs.
The next step will be for us to heal.
Also diary, I was dangled an incredible job opportunity, but I don't want to jinx it by talking about it yet.

Also diary, I enjoy reading Mano and Bunny's posts, and learn much from all of their entries.

Love to all.
XO
J.

[Paisleegreen]

J, good to hear about your DD and that you might have a possible good job to look forward too.

Bunny, I like how you explained the anticipatory grief of losing parents due to them living longer. I wish I could have had those opportunities with my Dad. I was able to in a way because I cared for him, while he was sick and getting treatment for cancer. But we didn't have verbal communication as direct as that as the five statements listed, only actions.
Same with my Mother...she started having mini strokes so things were forgotten anyway. Paislee

[tina martin]

It's so good to know that B is being given another chance. Your feelings are understandable considering the long, so very painful history. Restoring the lines of communication is probably paramount. Showing her how you have worked so hard to overcome so much will be the example that can ultimately inspire her. And then it will be up to her to summon her strength to build a life for herself. It is ultimately an incredible story of triumph.

Am at the other end of the spectrum, writing a notebook for my son and daughter (so far away) how to accept the outcome of life and its natural ending. We are so totally unprepared. So I do prepare and do all I can to try and help them. They have to go on.

Good luck with the job, Love..........T

[Loveslife]

Tina, I've been worried about you, because I don't want you to become triggered by some of the other posts, pertaining to the end of life. I know your story and your concerns for your brother. Sending much love. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO J.

[SoWhatif]

J great news and may the force be with ya...... There is some building blocks for things not to do around or to addicts. Kind of like positive reinforement things and things that trigger depression to avoid. Maybe ck with the physc unit in the hospital and I bet they can give you lots of reading material. In a round about way your both new to the adjuustments of individual and personal sobriety.

T, Hope all is well and You have some very lucky kids, being able to have written history and diarys are a blessing for them. Somehow I sence that it is theraputic and healthy doing it as it gives us learning. I think of you ladies often, work has been mmuch better as to why I am vacant. To many blasted bills and ongoing costs, grrrr

P hows life? You been quiet. Great hearing hubby wants to learn and hopefully the both of you can share and regain your parsonal lives back in sync.

Love you sisters.

R