I am only talking about my late son because I was asked. We don't dwell on him at all. We don't talk about him or anything. We have pictures of him just as I have of all my other children. If what you are hearing is that I have a Memorial site in every nook and cranny and I light a candle for him, that is not the case. Most anyone that you talk to who has lost a child to suicide or an accident carries that grief. We keep it in check and go about our days and about the affairs of our business and family life. This is where people don't understand what a grieving mother feels. One must never tell a person who has lost someone to get over it. There is nothing to get over, we are missing someone we care deeply about. It is the people that get over something too quickly that has the problems. Grief has no time table or timeline. Anyone that has a loved one that lives overseas, misses that person and can't wait until they see them again. They long to continue that relationship with the loved one and what keeps them somewhat at peace is that they can call on the phone or write letters, now they get the internet and updated photos and messages about what they are doing with their lives.
Parents of suicide or murder or accident don't get those updates, only a "feeling" of closeness if they are sensitive to it. This is where the heartache comes in, and I'm one of the luckier ones. I got to bury my son. He didn't blow his brains out and had to have a closed casket or be cremated. I was able to touch him and kiss him good-bye and have a picture of him. Thanks to the coroner and funeral home they got him looking presentable. I did not have to see him with his injuries that the men that found him had nightmares from. He jumped off a cliff.
It is only by telling my story over and over does the healing take place. That is the statistics of people that are in mourning. It is by telling their story and be allowed to talk about their loved one is how they heal. It is those that keep it inside and dismiss the existence of the loved one is what keeps those people from functioning and even committing suicide. There have been many mothers or siblings that have taken their own lives about a year after their loved ones death. It is a serious problem. I am one of the luckier ones.
That is why a courageous woman started up the website for parents of suicide and there are ones for siblings of suicide or spouses of suicide. They need a forum to express their grief to understanding people that have gone through it already.
It is only because of here that I've been able to figure out why am I getting panic attacks in the first place, I've never had them before. And since my grieving last week and posting about it, I have been feeling so much better as you said and I do not have the anxiety body symptoms I had before. They have really subsided, it is really amazing.
But I had to work out my disappointments with family members or my feelings towards family members, as everything is connected or has a beginning when something troubled me in the first place. That is the mystery to be figured out when I get these anxious feelings. What have I been thinking about is the question. Paislee
But DS's attitude is really bothering me, and GF just sort of giggles. Ugh. Paislee The electronic sound is driving me crazy. 
Years of it being brought into my home and gooped on my carpet and floors, as well as vehicles. I have a real aversion to it as I see what piles up in the duct work at restaurants that causes fires. It is very dangerous stuff. 
