Hi KSL:
Here is a thought:
You may not have tried this:
How about just totally ignoring this situation.
Instead of begging and pleading and letting her see you 'feeling so down", how about just going
about your business as if nothing is wrong.
Some woman are more impressed with the 'macho'
image, rather than one of 'imploring'.
This might not work. It is just a wild guess.
Also you could just tell the kids that "Mom is fine".
Maybe not give her so much attention.
Likely this will pass. Just go on about your business.
MJ
help me to understand
I agree with MJ. What can you lose at this point. As hard as it is, go about your business and take care of the kids.
My friend who went through divorce was this way. She was mad at her husband but once he ignored her she turned into quite the stalker and very interested in what he was doing. The more he didn't give her the time of day, the more she obsessed over him.
I also agree, not telling the kids that mommy is angry with daddy. If they want to know what is wrong with her, they should ask her themselves. Or you can just say "I don't know" it's an honest answer!
My friend who went through divorce was this way. She was mad at her husband but once he ignored her she turned into quite the stalker and very interested in what he was doing. The more he didn't give her the time of day, the more she obsessed over him.
I also agree, not telling the kids that mommy is angry with daddy. If they want to know what is wrong with her, they should ask her themselves. Or you can just say "I don't know" it's an honest answer!
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
ksl the only thing I would advise is patience.
As a Christian I learn this a lot! My prayers don't always get answered *my* way or *right away* and who am I to tell God what to do. But eventually I get answers, whichever direction it goes, I get the answer.
I know this is hard but just keep waiting it out. Is there anything you can do away from the house with your kids, like take them to a movie or to dinner. Then do it. Or to the park, rollerskating or a museum? Do it.
Enjoy those kids while they are still young. Plus they really, really need you now since Mom is being unresponsive to them.
Another note: if she's truly clinically depressed, this is going to take a lot more patience. Things aren't always going to go the way you hope they will. She may need to go through a lot of therapy or medication or doctors before she's more responsive. She will need someone who she can depend on to be there for her.
I can tell this is all very important and precious to you and know you will give it all you got. Way to go, man.
As a Christian I learn this a lot! My prayers don't always get answered *my* way or *right away* and who am I to tell God what to do. But eventually I get answers, whichever direction it goes, I get the answer.
I know this is hard but just keep waiting it out. Is there anything you can do away from the house with your kids, like take them to a movie or to dinner. Then do it. Or to the park, rollerskating or a museum? Do it.
Enjoy those kids while they are still young. Plus they really, really need you now since Mom is being unresponsive to them.
Another note: if she's truly clinically depressed, this is going to take a lot more patience. Things aren't always going to go the way you hope they will. She may need to go through a lot of therapy or medication or doctors before she's more responsive. She will need someone who she can depend on to be there for her.
I can tell this is all very important and precious to you and know you will give it all you got. Way to go, man.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
well I took our 15 year old to get her drivers permit this afternoon. While i was there i got a text from her i want you to read it
"I know you want answersand believe me when i say i do to. I know you have been patient and trying to give me space but i guess i still feel pressured and that just makes things all the more unclear.i feel completely stressed out all the time which is exhausting me. I think im gonna take my giftcards and goto the mall and just spend sometime alone and try to relax. then im just gonna go to moms house to stay the night.i really need to not feel any pressure so i can hopefully come up with some answers i need i will wait till you get home before i leave. and know that im not trying to hurt you, i know i already have but that is not my intentions"
Her mom has 2 homes and they dont live in this one fulltime its 2 miles away from where we live.
I sent her back that i thought it best for both of us if she went ahead and went to the mall. I have a long day tommorrow and wont be home till late. Yes i am hurt and heart broken and things are changing inside we are adults here and both of our hearts hurt. whatever you decide there will be no arguing. I do love you and want to salvage whats left of our marriage but only if thats what you want. be careful go ahead and go i will see you tommorrow night so we can talk about our future??
She replies: I cant promise i will get all the answers tonight.
I replied back: I know we cant keep going on like it is now. And 18 years just doesnt die in less than 3 months. you just go and try to figure things out talk to you tommorrow.
She couldnt tell me this she had to text it to me. and why did she carry her laptop HMMM! Is the end near???
"I know you want answersand believe me when i say i do to. I know you have been patient and trying to give me space but i guess i still feel pressured and that just makes things all the more unclear.i feel completely stressed out all the time which is exhausting me. I think im gonna take my giftcards and goto the mall and just spend sometime alone and try to relax. then im just gonna go to moms house to stay the night.i really need to not feel any pressure so i can hopefully come up with some answers i need i will wait till you get home before i leave. and know that im not trying to hurt you, i know i already have but that is not my intentions"
Her mom has 2 homes and they dont live in this one fulltime its 2 miles away from where we live.
I sent her back that i thought it best for both of us if she went ahead and went to the mall. I have a long day tommorrow and wont be home till late. Yes i am hurt and heart broken and things are changing inside we are adults here and both of our hearts hurt. whatever you decide there will be no arguing. I do love you and want to salvage whats left of our marriage but only if thats what you want. be careful go ahead and go i will see you tommorrow night so we can talk about our future??
She replies: I cant promise i will get all the answers tonight.
I replied back: I know we cant keep going on like it is now. And 18 years just doesnt die in less than 3 months. you just go and try to figure things out talk to you tommorrow.
She couldnt tell me this she had to text it to me. and why did she carry her laptop HMMM! Is the end near???
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Guest
Hi,
I think she needs this space, but I am sure it is taking it's toll on you!!! Sounds like you need to hire a PI to find out what she is up to...
This is not a laughing matter, and I am soooo sorry that things are not going well in your marriage!!!
You may just want to let this thing ride itself out and see what happens next!!!
If she is doing something, then, it will come out in the open, sooner or later!!!
You don't have that many options left!!! I think I would begin weighing the pros and cons!!!
I pray that God gives you much strength during this trying time in your life!!!
I think she needs this space, but I am sure it is taking it's toll on you!!! Sounds like you need to hire a PI to find out what she is up to...
This is not a laughing matter, and I am soooo sorry that things are not going well in your marriage!!!
You may just want to let this thing ride itself out and see what happens next!!!
If she is doing something, then, it will come out in the open, sooner or later!!!
You don't have that many options left!!! I think I would begin weighing the pros and cons!!!
I pray that God gives you much strength during this trying time in your life!!!
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Guest
Ksl
It is clearer and clearer that this is complicated. We are only hearing your side of the story and having been married before and remarried now I know that there's never just one side to any issue. I think non of us can be objective since we don't know you.And we don't know her. Please seek help from a professional counselor or minister. I noticed that you mentioned a few days ago that her birthday was coming up.Mine is as well and when I was nearing 40 I did go thru a deep depression doing a lot of soul searching about what I had accomplished in my life up to that point. Had my hubby rushed me thru that gut wrenching process I don't know that we would have survived. It took me some time. Just like it takes time to deal with us when we are going thru anxious and phobic times. But we made a commitment for better or worse, richer or poor and sickness and in health. This is one of those times to remember the vows you made.This is just my opinion. Please be patient and seek a counselor.Go alone so you have someone to vent to. I will pray that God somehow grants you and her both the peace and the answers you need.
Take Care,
Jill~
It is clearer and clearer that this is complicated. We are only hearing your side of the story and having been married before and remarried now I know that there's never just one side to any issue. I think non of us can be objective since we don't know you.And we don't know her. Please seek help from a professional counselor or minister. I noticed that you mentioned a few days ago that her birthday was coming up.Mine is as well and when I was nearing 40 I did go thru a deep depression doing a lot of soul searching about what I had accomplished in my life up to that point. Had my hubby rushed me thru that gut wrenching process I don't know that we would have survived. It took me some time. Just like it takes time to deal with us when we are going thru anxious and phobic times. But we made a commitment for better or worse, richer or poor and sickness and in health. This is one of those times to remember the vows you made.This is just my opinion. Please be patient and seek a counselor.Go alone so you have someone to vent to. I will pray that God somehow grants you and her both the peace and the answers you need.
Take Care,
Jill~
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
You are correct as ive always said there are 3 sides to every story his side her side and somewhere in the middle you will find the truth. im here with the kids and only god knows where she is. im not into the PI thing. Im at a point now if she wants to be with me she will and if she dont well its her loss because im a man who is a hopeless romantic and loves to love a woman. all i can say at this point is i hope she has some answers tommorow. I will keep you posted and i thank you for your input. Me and the kids are gonna pile up in the bed and watch a movie.