help me to understand
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
Well this evening consists of her with her ipod in her ears and glued to the laptop. You say give her space but i really want to confront her. How can we resolve things if she wont discuss with me whats bugging her. Im really starting to feel like she doesnt want to work things out. She says she loves me only when i say it first but her actions surely dont match her words coming out of her mouth. it is what it is so i consume my time with the kids and hope she will miss being a part of it and want to join us and be a part of the family...
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Guest
Well, then crap, tell her to get her butt off the laptop and contribute to the family.
I don't mean to be harsh but I'm an on-line junkie myself, I spend waaay too much time on it, more than I should and when DH is fed up he tells me straight.
Yes, it hurts my feelings and I get all upset and feel like an idiot, but she should know this. IT BOTHERS YOU.
It's okay to use it to an extent but maybe she is doing it for an escape or something, she's over-tired at work and it's too much for her, then she doesn't want to come home to more craziness. Some people are multi-taskers and actually thrive on busy-ness while others need that escape.
Tell her you want to go on a date, take her to dinner and a movie or vice-versa, surprise her with something romantic. Put a little chocolate on her pillow or buy her some smelly lotion or some really nice soft fuzzy slippers. Go do the dishes or clean up something, but don't expect anything in return. Just some ideas for you, you could be doing this already for all I know!
Oh, try reading the 5 Love Languages, an excellent book.
I don't mean to be harsh but I'm an on-line junkie myself, I spend waaay too much time on it, more than I should and when DH is fed up he tells me straight.
Yes, it hurts my feelings and I get all upset and feel like an idiot, but she should know this. IT BOTHERS YOU.
It's okay to use it to an extent but maybe she is doing it for an escape or something, she's over-tired at work and it's too much for her, then she doesn't want to come home to more craziness. Some people are multi-taskers and actually thrive on busy-ness while others need that escape.
Tell her you want to go on a date, take her to dinner and a movie or vice-versa, surprise her with something romantic. Put a little chocolate on her pillow or buy her some smelly lotion or some really nice soft fuzzy slippers. Go do the dishes or clean up something, but don't expect anything in return. Just some ideas for you, you could be doing this already for all I know!
Oh, try reading the 5 Love Languages, an excellent book.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
Have you seen the movie Fireproof? It's a good movie too. It is a Christian movie. It does show the hard work involved in makinga marriage work , especially when one partner seems to not really care to anymore.It has some really funny moments in it too it's not an in your face kinda movie. Anyway take care and I hope things turn around soon.
Jill~
Jill~
ksl
I don't know if you have ever tried any of this stuff. You probably have since you are a "hopeless romantic" haha but sometimes when I am down theres nice things that are physical that aren't sexual. Like hubby will brush my hair and put it in a braid for me, or he will give me a foot massage. Sometimes when he is down I will come up behind him and give him a lil light tickle or squeeze and a kiss on the cheek or neck. Not for anything other than just to say "I love you" without words. Maybe it's time to just have fun? Make a book of letting off steam coupons, Where she gets to go with you for a Starbucks run..alone. Or she has a queen for a night where all she does is show up and the meal prep and clean up are all done for her. Sometimes when we get in these stressful trying times, it can be like walking on egg shells around each other and we forget how to laugh. Heck maybe you should get on Facebook tooadd her as a friend and send her sweet messages on there? Anyway marriage is work. Its only NOT work in the movies and in books. But its so worth it.
Jill~
I don't know if you have ever tried any of this stuff. You probably have since you are a "hopeless romantic" haha but sometimes when I am down theres nice things that are physical that aren't sexual. Like hubby will brush my hair and put it in a braid for me, or he will give me a foot massage. Sometimes when he is down I will come up behind him and give him a lil light tickle or squeeze and a kiss on the cheek or neck. Not for anything other than just to say "I love you" without words. Maybe it's time to just have fun? Make a book of letting off steam coupons, Where she gets to go with you for a Starbucks run..alone. Or she has a queen for a night where all she does is show up and the meal prep and clean up are all done for her. Sometimes when we get in these stressful trying times, it can be like walking on egg shells around each other and we forget how to laugh. Heck maybe you should get on Facebook tooadd her as a friend and send her sweet messages on there? Anyway marriage is work. Its only NOT work in the movies and in books. But its so worth it.
Jill~
I second the movie "Fireproof" it was a really good movie, and it was nice to see Kirk Cameron (however you spell his name!) in that role.
Yes, and it's not preachy and in your face but it's really about marriage and setting your priorities straight.
I forgot all about that movie, thanks for that Jill, now I want to go and rent it again.
Yes, and it's not preachy and in your face but it's really about marriage and setting your priorities straight.
I forgot all about that movie, thanks for that Jill, now I want to go and rent it again.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
I am trying everything from cleaning too cooking to keeping the kids occupied to let her try to relax. nothing is working she is shutting down. she got mad at me today cause the checking account got hit with this corse. I told her about it but its like she looks for anything to find a reason to get mad at me. i told her i was keeping it i dont buy anything for myself and i want it. i told her i was tired of all the i dont knows and her space. I told her i didnt want to fight but she needs to decide what she wants.
I come home tonight and my daughter asked me if we were ok. i told her momma is upset with me right now but i love her very much. my daughter also said she doesnt like the way momm is treating me and all she does is come home and play on the computer or sleep. and seh said she leaves the house and doesnt even tell daddy that she loves him. Now this is my 15 year old that has picked up on this. what about my 11 year old son.
She can hurt me and ill deal with it but when she starts hurting my children with her actions then i get pissed. each passing day my love dies for but i fight it cause i know in her heart somewhere she is a beautiful loving woman.
Everything you'll have suggested i have been doing for 18 years. Now i cant even touch her in anyway anymore AND NO it's not about sex thats not even a concern to me right now. got to go more later.
I come home tonight and my daughter asked me if we were ok. i told her momma is upset with me right now but i love her very much. my daughter also said she doesnt like the way momm is treating me and all she does is come home and play on the computer or sleep. and seh said she leaves the house and doesnt even tell daddy that she loves him. Now this is my 15 year old that has picked up on this. what about my 11 year old son.
She can hurt me and ill deal with it but when she starts hurting my children with her actions then i get pissed. each passing day my love dies for but i fight it cause i know in her heart somewhere she is a beautiful loving woman.
Everything you'll have suggested i have been doing for 18 years. Now i cant even touch her in anyway anymore AND NO it's not about sex thats not even a concern to me right now. got to go more later.
Sorry you are going thru such a painful and trying time. I don't know you nor her and relationships are so very complex. I would hate to say something that could hurt rather than HELP you guys. You will be in my prayers and I hope things turn around I really really do.
I hope that maybe she would consider counseling with a professional marriage therapist. Again I am so sorry you are feeling so alone in this.
Keep the faith,
Jill~
I hope that maybe she would consider counseling with a professional marriage therapist. Again I am so sorry you are feeling so alone in this.
Keep the faith,
Jill~
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Guest
Hi...That "sleeping thing" reminds me of depression!!! I think your wife may be very depressed!!! Or at least, that is the way it sounds to me!!!
I pray that things get better for the two of you very soon!!! I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you!!!
I also think that one can spend too much time on the computer!!! I do have a facebook, as well, and I only make conversation with my loved ones and friends!!!
It has been a very good thing in my life, but there is a time for every single thing under the sun, so we do have to balance out our lives!!!
I have learned to try and spend my evenings and nights with my hubby!!! I am his spouse and I love him dearly, and I know that he needs my attention!!!
Also, if too much time is spent on the computer, then, our household chores suffer and that is not a good thing, either!!!
I pray that she comes to this realization very soon!!!
May God Richly Bless You and Your Little Family is My Prayer for you!!!
I pray that things get better for the two of you very soon!!! I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you!!!
I also think that one can spend too much time on the computer!!! I do have a facebook, as well, and I only make conversation with my loved ones and friends!!!
It has been a very good thing in my life, but there is a time for every single thing under the sun, so we do have to balance out our lives!!!
I have learned to try and spend my evenings and nights with my hubby!!! I am his spouse and I love him dearly, and I know that he needs my attention!!!
Also, if too much time is spent on the computer, then, our household chores suffer and that is not a good thing, either!!!
I pray that she comes to this realization very soon!!!
May God Richly Bless You and Your Little Family is My Prayer for you!!!
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
Well guys communication has pretty much come to a complete standstill. Yesterday morning the onlything she said to me was morning and thats only because i said it to her first. lastnight i got home from taking our daughter to flute lessons around 8pm and she was already in bed. I asked her how her day went and she talked about it for a minute but that was it. this morning as she was leaving for work she only said i will be back in a little while.
Ive given her her space but with each day my love for her is dyeing. Now remember she is the one that told me she needed space to figure things out and she didnt know if she was in love with me and that she had thought about divorce. I know this much people, it amazes me how 18 years of love can dye so quick. It takes both of you to make a marriage work it cant be one sided you both have to work at it. I know this much, I can truly lay my head down at night knowing i did everything i could to make it work. Ive never been one for ultimatums however you spell it but D-Day "decision day is coming either she wants to try and regain our love and start mending these broken fences and both of us goto marriage counseling and get back into church or she is gonna have to find a new place to lay her head at night. The kids can feel the stress and ask me why momma treats us the way she does i just tell them she is upset with daddy right now.
My problem with all of this is i look at it as lets say she was on life support and the doctor said there was a slight chance that she could come out of it I Wouldnt Pull The Plug hoping she would come back.
I know the end of this madness is near. Her mom called her yesterday and told her no more I Dont Knows that you have all but killed your love your husband has for you and that you have to tell him something She only said I Know Momma, I know. Her momma told her now not tommorrow Now. I will keep you posted
just one question to all of you'll why do i seem to feel better when i get angry about all thats going on now????? it scares me cause thats not my nature
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING LET IT GO. IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT WILL COME BACK. I JUST HOPE MY HEART HASNT HARDENED
Ive given her her space but with each day my love for her is dyeing. Now remember she is the one that told me she needed space to figure things out and she didnt know if she was in love with me and that she had thought about divorce. I know this much people, it amazes me how 18 years of love can dye so quick. It takes both of you to make a marriage work it cant be one sided you both have to work at it. I know this much, I can truly lay my head down at night knowing i did everything i could to make it work. Ive never been one for ultimatums however you spell it but D-Day "decision day is coming either she wants to try and regain our love and start mending these broken fences and both of us goto marriage counseling and get back into church or she is gonna have to find a new place to lay her head at night. The kids can feel the stress and ask me why momma treats us the way she does i just tell them she is upset with daddy right now.
My problem with all of this is i look at it as lets say she was on life support and the doctor said there was a slight chance that she could come out of it I Wouldnt Pull The Plug hoping she would come back.
I know the end of this madness is near. Her mom called her yesterday and told her no more I Dont Knows that you have all but killed your love your husband has for you and that you have to tell him something She only said I Know Momma, I know. Her momma told her now not tommorrow Now. I will keep you posted
just one question to all of you'll why do i seem to feel better when i get angry about all thats going on now????? it scares me cause thats not my nature
IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING LET IT GO. IF ITS MEANT TO BE IT WILL COME BACK. I JUST HOPE MY HEART HASNT HARDENED