IOTIG - Oh my gosh! You sound soooo much like me! I have often wondered if my anxiety is some sort of a "shield" that my subconscious has constructed to keep me from experiencing the pain of some past trauma. I'm not much for "regression therapy", in fact I think the idea is mostly hogwash, but knowing what little I know about psychology and the physiology of the brain, I know for sure that we have a remarkable capacity for self-protection.
In my case, I've determined that my anxiety seems to manifest itself most when I am on the verge of some success in life; be it a job, school, a relationship, etc. This most recent manifestation has occurred during the middle of a very successful run at finishing my degree and having a job that I really enjoyed and was good at. Now, both have gone by the wayside because of my anxiety.
So, what is it about? A therapist once told me after I suggest I was afraid of failure that I was more afraid of success. That makes a lot of sense to me, but why? Why would someone be afraid of success? I have many more questions than answers here and my hope is that this program will help me either find the answers or accept that some questions will never be answered on this side of eternity.
Anyway, I didn't mean to wax philosophical on you! Thanks for your words...it gave me some insight into my own struggle and journey. My best to you!!
Shif, I think you're exactly right! The good news is that Saturday's attack wasn't as bad as they have been in the past and that I haven't had one since then.
Not sure who to be most mad at!
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Jason
wax away, wax on wax off! In any case sad to say that this disorder is not limited to us
simpletons. It likes to torement anyone who will give it audience..haha Apprently that means you too? Sorry. I too have a million
"whys?" in my head and horrific painful tapes that want to play over and over again. Telling me how useless and pathetic I am (thanks Dad) but regardless of those tapes I still need to learn to fight the symptoms and triggers to my panic and anxiety aside from all else. Then I will calmly be able to deal with the great legacy of pain I was left with mentally. What's my point? One thing at a time, one moment at a time. I/We will overcome! Just like Shif said with lots of Practice. And giving ourselves the same TLC we would to anyone else we love. I am willing to keep on keeping on, even when it hurts.
Jill
wax away, wax on wax off! In any case sad to say that this disorder is not limited to us
simpletons. It likes to torement anyone who will give it audience..haha Apprently that means you too? Sorry. I too have a million
"whys?" in my head and horrific painful tapes that want to play over and over again. Telling me how useless and pathetic I am (thanks Dad) but regardless of those tapes I still need to learn to fight the symptoms and triggers to my panic and anxiety aside from all else. Then I will calmly be able to deal with the great legacy of pain I was left with mentally. What's my point? One thing at a time, one moment at a time. I/We will overcome! Just like Shif said with lots of Practice. And giving ourselves the same TLC we would to anyone else we love. I am willing to keep on keeping on, even when it hurts.
Jill
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Jason -
It's interesting that you bring up the fear of success. My therapist has suggested I'm doing just that. We were discussing events in my past and she correctly discerned that I had a lot of guilt about perceived failures in my life. They may have been specific things such as feelings of failing to meet my father's expectations or more general like failing to meet my own expectations. She went on to suggest that my anxiety and my inability to get past it may be my own subconscious trying to relive those perceived failures.
I thought it was an interesting concept, but I'm still struggling to understand why I would want to purposely fail. Worse yet, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to correct it. I'm sure that my therapists intent was to push me into some insightful self-discovery, but I haven't had any groundbreaking revelations yet!
Jamie
It's interesting that you bring up the fear of success. My therapist has suggested I'm doing just that. We were discussing events in my past and she correctly discerned that I had a lot of guilt about perceived failures in my life. They may have been specific things such as feelings of failing to meet my father's expectations or more general like failing to meet my own expectations. She went on to suggest that my anxiety and my inability to get past it may be my own subconscious trying to relive those perceived failures.
I thought it was an interesting concept, but I'm still struggling to understand why I would want to purposely fail. Worse yet, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to correct it. I'm sure that my therapists intent was to push me into some insightful self-discovery, but I haven't had any groundbreaking revelations yet!
Jamie
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Jamie, I'm constantly amazed in these discussions how parallel all of our lives seem to be. I, too have struggled with having failed to meet my father's expectations. In the end, I know that because of the person HE IS it would be impossible for me to ever meet his expectations. They constantly change. But, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. If you happen to get any of those revelations, let me know, will ya? LOL....I could use one!
Jillz, I think I bought those same tapes! haha...Hopefully, I will soon learn to allow myself to be happy with who I am! By the way, I have an interview with Alpine tomorrow!!
Jillz, I think I bought those same tapes! haha...Hopefully, I will soon learn to allow myself to be happy with who I am! By the way, I have an interview with Alpine tomorrow!!
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Jason -
I've been doing a bit of soul searching regarding "fear of success." The one thought that keeps coming up in my mind is that with more success comes more responsibility. I know there are many times that I get anxious about my existing responsibilities, the consequences of my actions, and those dependent on me. So if I have more success, it's reasonable to assume that my responsibilities will increase as well, which could be the source of additional worry and anxiety. Does this have a ring of truth with you or am I way off base?
Jamie
I've been doing a bit of soul searching regarding "fear of success." The one thought that keeps coming up in my mind is that with more success comes more responsibility. I know there are many times that I get anxious about my existing responsibilities, the consequences of my actions, and those dependent on me. So if I have more success, it's reasonable to assume that my responsibilities will increase as well, which could be the source of additional worry and anxiety. Does this have a ring of truth with you or am I way off base?
Jamie
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SR - that is something that I've also given some thought to, and I think it may very well have a lot to do with it. In my case, I think there is an added component of the guilt I spoke of earlier. If I experience success in my job, education, relationships, etc. I may be neglecting the needs of my family in the process. I have an enormous amount of fear and guilt over that prospect. But, now that I look at what I write, I guess what I'm saying is a logical extension of what you're saying. Added personal responsibility means spending more time on me and less on my family. Ironically, though, the paralysis from my anxiety has prevented me from helping my family like I want to. It's that vicious cycle!