Changes, How do we make them?

[Loveslife]

Enjoy your mid-day meal. I have made egg salad w/cilantro and I will have a little on a plate with avocado, no bread.
Yes, my shifts will be 5 days in a row, while I'm training. Not sure after that.

The way I see it, I have an opportunity. So I will pay my dues and start from the ground up. I don't intend to stay with this shift forever. I intend to climb the proverbial ladder. I know I can do this, and I've done it before. I do love a challenge.

I give myself 2 years and I'll be running the hospital. (just kidding)

The good thing about the late shift is it is time and a half, so I'll be making extra money. And guess what. The pay isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I like making money. It feels good to make money.

I just thought of something. When I'm alone on the 3rd shift, which I will be next month, I can take a yoga mat in and do yoga. They offer yoga classes at the hospital. I think it's time I start yoga once and for all. I can also bring in my ipad and type to you.

Love to you and your son. He is lucky to have you as a mother. (I think you were referring to your son, and not the boss. Love to both, anyway)

Where is Paislee??

[tina martin]

Lunch was good, egg salad would be delicious too. No eggs for me any longer, only egg beaters. Yes, you'll climb that ladder but be patient and be cautious about expectations. You have a great attitude which is 100% of making it.

Yoga lessons at the hospital are excellent, no doubt. I also used books and DVD's. It takes time and patience and repetition to learn, but is nice when you can do it just from what you know to music you like. I only do about 10 to 15 minutes a day.

We are thinking of Paislee hoping she is fine and returns to us. Love........T

[Paisleegreen]

Hello, I'm here! Finally alone! Whew! Ah...what a day full of family togetherness and love. I did my volunteer work last night and while DH awaited the arrival of my FIL. Also, I was scared on Friday that my Temazepam wasn't going to get filled because, the Pharmacy technician would blame the DRs office and the Dr's office said they called it in. Anyway, DH teased me that the Drug Store doesn't have anymore more Temazepam, I ask, "WHAT?!" He keeps playing along, "Yep, none for you...."
Me, "What..? That's not true." Finally he owns up to it that he has it and that I owe him. Why do I owe you? I could have picked it up later after my Volunteering job." DH, "Oh." Me, "But I'm glad I didn't have to, thanks and whew." I'm glad I have my sleeping aid at home because I would have to share my bed with DH and remember he snores. But I did fine last night, but unfortunately Father in Law gets up at 8:00AM and doesn't know what to do with himself.

So I had to get up early and give him some cereal and get things ready for the family get together. I also had a talk with DFinLaw and he really has some dementia going on and possibly skin cancer. He won't go to a Dr. Anyway, we have a discussion which basically is with an old man that has lost some brain cells and memory and is quite at peace to not live any longer than necessary, he says he is in no pain.

Later talked to SinLaw and he suspects skin cancer as well, and wonders why get him fixed up when he is ready to move on.
Anyway, I'm too tired to go on about all of that as I still have Father in Law for a couple more days. He basically gets up and dresses, eats, and sits to watch tv or listen to people but will start closing his eyes while sitting up and start to nap.

He has a hard time recalling words for the things he wants to talk about, that's how I feel, so we commiserate together. LOL!
But my words come 30 seconds later, his never come. Poor guy.

Now DH, DS,DS2, DD, and young adult friends are helping the poor widow move. She wanted me to be there, but I'm exhausted and still have a long day tomorrow. My DD and some other young women can pack up her china carefully and they can give her comfort while she is going through this very depressing period in her life. Such as packing up all her belongings and moving out of the house she shared with her husband who killed himself in that house.

So she is very distraught, but will have plenty of company tonight to help her out while I rest. I'll be back...DD just called to ask a question. paislee

[Paisleegreen]

Ugh...Sowhatif just reminded me of Daylight Savings tomorrow. I'll have to get up an hour earlier, not looking forward to that after this weekend, but then DFIL is going to be getting up at around 8:00AM anyway. A niece from out of town is here and has taken DFIL out to eat. I don't know how long they will be...that's one reason why I stayed home from helping the moving party pack up, I didn't want Father in Law home alone.

Wow, J, you have a lot of story to tell, I'm might have to reread it or check to see if I read all of what you posted. I'm glad you are getting overtime hours with your new job and you can do Yoga. That will be nice.

[tina martin]

Paislee, happy you're OK. Hope we're not annoying. If I'm reading this right, FiL is being very brave (in my view). The ultimate responsibility is with DH. We are so conditioned to feel responsible for others, we just about destroy ourself. I have this with my brother but am fighting it as best I can. Some days I make it, others I don't.

As painful as it sometimes is to be so physically distant from son and daughter, upon reflection I'd be no different than I was. In fact, am surprised that I let go as I did. They both live where they want to, not where I might want. I now consider this one of my achievements. To the end of my days I want to contribute to their happiness and that, in my view, means their true freedom. Now I'll really stick my neck out: here are the seeds of why Family did not make it into the 7 Wonders. I think I'm feeling stones being hurled my way.

Paislee, I read your post last night, gave it to my subconscious and this is what it came up with this morning. Picking up from R, I take the 5th.

[Loveslife]

Oy...don't get me started on stones being hurtled...

Tina, you are right to have pride in the fact that you gave your children freedom to live where they want and how they want.
The fact that you are such a successful mother means that you have accomplished the most important thing in life. You raised your children well. There is no greater achievement.

Paislee, You too are such a giver and are achieving miraculous wonders in your life. I know much about dementia in the elderly, and at some point you will need professional help. It is so important not to where (wear?) yourself down. Think of the oxygen mask metaphor on a plane.

I will reread your post in a few hours, as I am off to the storage facility now, and will need much strength just to open the doors to the room with all of the boxes. My stomach is churning.

Oy Tina...Stones being hurtled...never.

[tina martin]

J, you are an original with an innate sensibility and beauty that is unmatched. That's why spouse loved you from the outset and will never stop loving you and will do everything in his power to keep you in his life.

Thank you for your compliment, but the reality is not everyone would be so willing to give it. One would be that Chinese mom who wrote her parenting book. Others would fault me in other ways. I see some issues myself. Beneath the surface I'm like the Robbie moms I experienced last spring in two nesting situations. R lived them with me which made them so much more alive and memorable. For that R lives in me for all time as do the Robbies.

So how am I like Robbie mom? This behavior was the same in both instances: Mom Robbie wanted to keep the little ones in the nest and keep on feeding them. Dad had to step in and shoo her away. If I could I'd want my two back where they started, feed them, do for them, protect them from all that's out there. And when I had them with me, I didn't even know what I was doing.

J, I believe you woke up in Part II of your life to make up for all the earlier parts. I predict you will recapture everything that seemed lost in Part I. You will do it with your intelligence, with your persistence, with the extraordinary capacity you have for love of yourself and for others. I hope all goes well today. If you shed some tears, so be it. That is just natural. The tears will dry and you will be whole. With love........Tina

[Paisleegreen]

Hi all! Well, I get what you're saying Tina, I agree with being like a Robin. I'm still figuring out the rest of the story...
I did have a good conversation with FiL and now he is prepared to go to the Dr. I just talked about does he want to be in a Convalescent Hospital unable to speak or walk or be in his lounge watching TV and die of a heart attack. He prefers his home. So I basically told him I worry about him because my Mom & Grandpa and own brother he remembers seeing in a hospital not the same man as he use to be due to a stroke.

Then he starts to tell me about how his right foot tingles, and did explain a time when a Dr explained how a blood vessel heals and thins. I'll be back...

I had to go turn on the TV downstairs for FIL and since it is cable I have no idea what's on, so he settled on HGTV, since I don't think he follows shows like CSI or Law and Order. He'll probably go back into a sitting up nap. But Dear Niece as arrived so we'll see if she stays to entertain. She was suppose to come over earlier, but went shopping and slipped and drove herself to an ER while driving a Stick Shift and talking to me on her cell phone looking for a hospital or some place, very bizarre. Oh, she didn't drive and talk. So that's good to know.

Well, back to FIL, we ended on a good note that having a Dr at least check his blood levels and his facial skin will at least ease our minds and give us a medical opinion for future needs. I told him I would go to his town if his DD's don't take him to the Doctor's office, as they both are more busy than I am.

So things might change when he gets back home, and I had told him that I was at least going to gather up the family history and valuable stuff in the house since he isn't worried about the house catching on fire. He already sold a van without my Bro in law's or our knowledge to some stranger for $20.00. This really upset my bro in law when he found out. So that is how susceptible my father in law can be to non family members.

I'm tired...really wasn't expecting this niece to hang out with us. She had all these plan made with FIL and so far they keep changing as that is her personality and disorder.

DS just woke up after working hard on moving the widow lady last night, he and some of the young adult friends are going to go back and pack up some boxes for the lady. It is easier to load things in a trailer if the loose stuff in boxed up and this widow just is in no condition to do all this work. It is very overwhelming. Paislee

[tina martin]

Paislee, I'm confused here, yet interested. Not sure I understand the dilemma re your FiL. Is it a question of getting him assistance at home vs. a spot in an assisted living situation? What does DH think? You need not answer, of course.

You sure have overwhelming family situations and I feel for you.

[Paisleegreen]

"Tina, your book worries me. It could happen. I don't like our President at all. He spent less then 1 minute (I think) discussing Japan, and the rest of the time talked about the Middle East and Oil. He should have talked to us about that last week or the week before. It felt like he was burying the story because we are all focused on Japan. He was diverting our attention for some reason. (imho)" J, my sentiments exactly.

I'm sure my story is confusing because I'm tired from so much family visiting. A niece came to visit that we weren't planning on as part of our family get together. So she is filming Grandpa/my FIL now and yesterday recorded him talking and also fixed dinner and today a quick breakfast which involved pretty much taking over my kitchen. But that's okay, considering, she keeping FIL occupied. Anyway, she is filming my FIL telling his life story, he is rambling all over the place. He even pointed to my piano bench as the table he made in woodshop. So this is really sad just listening to him tell his story.

My niece doesn't think straight either so it is an interesting combination. She is on disability due to mental disorders.

This morning I found my FIL downstairs looking for his socks, I found them at the foot of his bed and tucked down with the sheets. So I believe he has been wearing these socks for 3 days now...so I went to got some of DH's extra socks and brought them out of him to pick a pair and even take the rest, although I don't know what my Sister in Law has at his house because she takes care of those things. Just FIL doesn't change his clothing nor shower regularly as society or family would like.

Anyway, FIL isn't able to stay on one thought. So we know dementia or probably some mini strokes have been happening.
I was able to convince FIL to get a "check up" by telling experiences of my mother's strokes, my Grandfather's strokes and DFIL's own brother's condition after having some strokes and being in a convalescent hospital. It is very clear that he just can't live by himself nor should he be driving a car. Finally, my Sister in Law talked to FIL about him not driving anymore, but to see if this Sister in Law takes the car keys away remains to be seen.

My FIL did recall to my Sister in Law that my mother in law's sister was hit head on while on the hwy by an Elderly man that got a hold of the car keys and he entered the hwy on the off ramp and hit DH's Aunt head on at 70 mph. This accident killed the old man (driver) and DH's Aunt's Granddaughter and caused considerable damage to DH's Aunt that she could no longer work as a Nurse and walk without crutches. She's in a lot of pain that she always considers amputating her feet off at the ankles. Her vision was affected as well, she had tremendous head injury.

All of this done by an old man driving a car when he shouldn't have been.

So bottom line is that I convinced FIL to see a doctor and get a physical and check out his skin lesions that are all over his face. Check out why his one foot/leg is tingling. This all depends on what my sister in laws do in his town. Otherwise, I told him I would visit him and take him to the doctor. We'll see if this all happens.

Dear Niece is done recording FIL for now, she is taking a break. FIL and DH will take off about 4 more hours or so and head to FIL's town where DH has some work to do. Then I get to rest. Paislee