"What if" thinking

[tina martin]

Hi Ashley and Welcome. I am glad you mention medication which can sometimes be necessary and helpful. I grew up under dire conditions (war time) with no medical help whatsoever and bad asthma. I had to look to myself then and still do. Childhood conditiong, almost immutable.

So what you say is a good reminder of avenues other than my generally stoic approach. Hope this also helps BB.

[Paisleegreen]

Did you suffer much from being your "Stoic" self, Tina?

[tina martin]

Was it suffering? Surely for my traumatized parents, I was so young. I learned early on life is a struggle. Every day now I am stunned that I lived to this age. The old stoicism had me searching for my own help and answers and will have to see me through.

[bklynbee]

Ashley thank you for sharing your experience with me...I truly believe in my heart that I need meds but am petrified of medication...i was on paxil many many years ago and I had no problem with it....I think while I was on it that was the best I felt in my whole life...nothing bothered me and i worried about absolutely nothing. I tried to go back on it a couple of years ago but had bad side effects. I have also tried lexapro and had horrible side effects. Now my doc wants me to try zoloft but I am scared to. I believe I need meds because right now everything is such a conscience effort for me. I dont know if over time everything will come naturally but right now I feel as if Im starting a new job and everything I do or say or even think i am thinking about if that makes sense...its hard to explain. I want it to just be a natural thing that i feel good and stop worrying about every single thing all the time. Ashley it really touched me when I read about how you mourned the person you used to be. When I am going through a really bad time I would take pics out of myself and look at myself and just cry. I would cry and think I will never be this person again and what happened to me? After listening to sessions from this program I realized I dont want to be that person again I want to be better. Yes I was able to function back then, but there were times that it was very difficult for me. I realized that all of my negative thinking and expectations I put on myself is what might have lead me to were I am today. I never realized how hard I was on myself about things and didnt give myself credit for anything. I am learning to be kinder to myself and just really taking things day by day and not getting ahead of myself.