"What if" thinking

[Paisleegreen]

What if, my Psychologist reinforced exactly what you said about "authority" that I gave it away. But in a different way. I'm not sure if it was on this thread or the Change one. Anyway, I told him, the Dr the most recent time that I stood up and was firm and calmly stated to my son about my expectations about him and his GF, and other things. Just simple actions or simple comment with resolve with the feeling that I'll survive if you move out. (Not that I said to "move out", but that I don't fear that anymore.
I"ll survive has been my new thinking patterns) So my Dr stated to me that as I show more strength in my resolve of taken back my life and being productive that DS is going to take what I say with more power or grit to it. (Lost for description)

So as I strengthen my relationship with DH and because I have become calmer in my anxiety and know what I want and what I don't want in my life, DS will start to feel that and hopefully respect my wishes or boundaries or see that I'm in charge of my household and have a strong bond with DH that I shouldn't get the disrespect from him as an immature young man.

DH still needs to have a "talk" with him, but he is becoming more intuned with his responsibilities at home and I believe is getting his focus back. But I could be wrong, at least I'm working on being less affected by his actions and I'm standing up for my values, even if they are baby steps.

I was able to have a good visit with DH after our therapy session and discussed things that are bothering me that have never been finished around our home and yard. So we are going to work on getting those projects done, which involve assertiveness from DH to get a neighbor to come back and finish some concrete work that he was paid for a long time ago. And seems to find excuses to not get over and finish the work. So I'm feeling more encouraged that large projects outdoors will get done and I'm going to get my Day planner going again. I use to use it faithfully and it helped to achieve goals.

I don't use a fancy cell phone to take care of things as it is costly, and my vision isn't as good for small print and it is easier for me to write things down by hand.

Hope all is well with everyone! Paislee

[tina martin]

Paislee, what you state here is so, so beautiful. Baby steps are worth everything. You know we will walk them with you.

Why do I have all those degrees if not to spread them around or earn new ones with the help of others? (joking) BB, you caused me to think with your last comment. It is very true that we need hobbies (or fun things?). But the ordinary things we do (cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.) are so very undervalued....by others, or by some mysterious standard, or by ourself.

I like to think, one of my hobbies, I guess. I think so much comes down to that sense of self. It is a daily, relentless pursuit to forge a self that sustains us as our heart sustains our body. What I know is I congratulate myself when I see those sparkling mirrors in the bathroom and smile at my reflection.

[Loveslife]

Paislee,

This is the thread where Tina gives you excellent advise. And I LOVE this....

"............What if, my Psychologist reinforced exactly what you said about "authority" that I gave it away......."

I did that too, but I only realized it after reading your words. Cool.

Peace everyone and happy Saturday.

[Paisleegreen]

Tina--I love your degrees! Thanks for spreading your advice from them all around! I agree, I love a sparkling mirror and clean counters. But others don't appreciate the work involved in that because we don't get paid for it.

J- Yes, it was a lightbulb moment for me as well, since it was F or R or WhatIf that commented on how I had given up my authority and by coming here and the help you guys have been giving me, I've been feeling better about things that I'm standing up for myself in a calm manner and it does feel good to take some control back.

So it was amazing to have my Psychologist acknowledge just what R had to say that as I become stronger, DS isn't going to walk all over me. He'll see that I'm not going to put up with his immature behavior and I have nothing to lose by claiming my "space" again. He isn't treating me with respect after I've given him oodles of space and excuses, so I might as well have my control back and peace of mind then be disrespected in my home that I built up and paid the price for through blood, sweat and tears. Where he is just a babe in the woods and hasn't really paid his dues to have all the comforts and privileges he is having. And he isn't going to grow up if I keep allowing him to behave in that manner.

I ditto J on everyone having a great day today! Paislee

[tina martin]

R is the one who is courageous, insightful with his no-nonsense approach. I tag along.....happily.

Paislee, some of these degrees emerged from Home Schooling I devised for You Know Who (DH). He is mighty relieved my degrees are now being inflicted on others.

Happy Saturday, Love to all.

[Paisleegreen]

You are so funny and wise, Tina! Paislee

[SoWhatif]

Tina I like the degrees mandate. Inspiring and I'am sure, he is more relaxed seeing others being educated.

We started to venture into that manual "learned degrees" along time ago. Lets start a thread about "who's in charge" and the reactions of actions.
Seems like at that time we were writing about, is it the guys or gals task when it comes to sharing responsibilitys? I don't seem to retain all the situation was.... seemed it had to do with courage.

BB, Are you still taking care of you? What is for lunch, I am hungry.

P, I can see a twinkle in your eyes with all that reinvigorated power.

[SoWhatif]

J. Hows you monday?

The gift you have for motivatioal writing and thought really inspires me. You got BB to question why not and I will has happened.

[bklynbee]

Hi all,

Ive been having a rough couple of days but trying to stay strong...I finally made an appointment with a cardiologist for the end of April....I had some tests done back in oct but with all the symptoms i have been having the last few months i want to put my mind 100% at ease that it is not my heart...it seems that i get rid of one symptom and then before i know it another one is right there to take its place....i should be used to it by now..anyways next step is to actually get to the doc. I am petrified of doctors and am notorious for making appointments and then canceling them. Does anyone have any suggestions on how i can get over this? I really need to get my but to the doc..,Hope you guys are doing good!

[Loveslife]

Hmmm,
First, I want to say that often times our symptoms can be brought on by stress. I know this is true for me. I once had a
lumbar puncture done in my spine because I was so exhausted and had difficulty walking. I thought it was lyme disease and the doctor was ruling out lyme disease and MS. It was all stress. I was depressed, hence the low energy, etc.

As for ideas to keeping your doctor's appointment, let me see....

Just do it. This is an opportunity to prove to yourself that you CAN keep a doctor's appointment, and you can rule out any physical ailments.

Offer yourself a reward afterwards. Maybe an icecream cone, or a special treat of some sort. Talk to us the day before you are to go to your appointment, and we will help you get there.

Love,
LL