One More Step

[christmasvalley]

Enjoy reading all the posts; it's so easy for me to feel like I'm all alone on the planet with this crap and good to know you're out there trying with me. I have worked up to driving from Tucson to Phoenix, about 2 hours on the freeway - need a friend along for support. I'm kinda "stuck" now, trying to get past the next hurdle, or first identify one I think I can tackle. I want to be able to get on a plane and fly to San Diego - I keep telling myself, it's less time than my drive to Phoenix, but I haven't gotten up enough nerve yet....any advice for that first plane flight? Haven't been on a plane in.....20 years?

[jillzmind]

Christmas
You are doing GOOD. Two hours is awesome and I think you should pat yourself on the back for that one. Take care and take it one day at a time sometimes hour by hour if need be.
We have to keep reminding ourselves to live in the Precious Present Moment but it's so hard sometimes. Have a good day and keep on keepin on!
Jill~

[SeaRunner]

FY06 -

I think that we have to keep reminding ourselves that condition often cannot be explained easily in rational terms. Your example of being able to drive in one direction but not another is a perfect example. That's one of the reasons it's so difficult to explain it to others.

Sorry to hear you had a fight with your husband. You're right that you need to develop a safe person within yourself. One way is to start practicing some things by yourself. For example, you may be able to drive 10 miles with your husband but only 1 mile by yourself. Work on that 1 mile by yourself just as much as the time you spend working on your goals with your safe person. That way you can continue with your recovery even when others are not available to help you.

Jamie

[SeaRunner]

Christmas -

I'm so glad you've enjoyed these posts and that they've been comforting. We are in this together.

As Jill said, the fact that you can drive for two hours is fantastic. I wish that I had that kind of range! As for flying, can you try taking a shorter trip? Are there any flights that are only 20 or 30 minutes? Practicing flying can be difficult since once you've taken off, there's no opting out. But you know that nothing can happen to you. You have to trust that you'll be alright.

Jamie

[SeaRunner]

So gang, here's a little wrap-up of the last few days:

Both Thursday and Friday I was able to get into work for about an hour each day. It was good to be at the office and it gave me chance to talk with my supervisor face to face. He's very supportive and is, excuse the choice of words, anxious to get me back full time. And I'm looking forward to being there as I'm so ready to do what or be where I want without worrying about having a panic attack.

I've kept up on my exercise. I ran Thursday and went biking Saturday. I gave myself Friday off to give my legs a break. Since my anxiety has been acting up more, I started to get pretty anxious on my bike ride, but I was able to keep myself from fully panicking. I kept up my positive self talk and really pushed my body to eat up as much excess energy as I could. I felt good afterward that I handled myself pretty well. I'm a little nervous about the next ride but I have to keep doing it. I refuse to go backwards from here.

My relaxation exercises are going OK. I still do them every night but never more than that. I still need to get more energy. Otherwise if I try to relax during the day I still want to fall asleep. Perhaps I can try something more like yoga or stretching while deep breathing to keep myself active yet calm and relaxed.

As for my weight loss, well, it isn't! I've actually gained a few pounds over the last week even though I've been watching my diet and exercising every day. I realize that I'm probably building muscle, which is heavier than fat, so I probably won't see any weight loss for another week or so. I'm not too worried as my clothes all still fit...

Tomorrows the start of a new week and I'd really like to recapture where I was a few weeks ago with my work attendance. I'm really going to buckle down and try everything I can to get in to and stay at work. They need me there and I need to be there. Gotta make it happen!

Jamie

[forever young 06]

your right searunner, I need to start practicing by myself on roads I don't feel like traveling and I wouldn't have to go far either.

didn't go into to areas I wanted,like jill filling my escape up with gas costed 36.00 man that ride last sunday cost about 8.00 30 yrs ago my husband and I used to ride around all day sunday probably 50 to 60 miles wow has life changed. Gas is too high to do that now

I admire your trying so hard searunner,thats what it takes and your boss being understanding good to what about co workers? you see I don't want anyone to know of my agrophobia I tell them I have anxiety and panic attacks there are others there that say they do or have had one lady left work one day because she was having a panic attack,I also fear being told I need to go to a siminair in a town I am not comfortable going, not always my husband can go, what do you tell your boss I can't go because I am afriad to go to that town haven't been in 35 yrs send someone else this worries me I hate to quit my job because of a situtation like this I could really stress out over this but try not to think about it and next throw yourself at their feet and I have been a very good worker do what told don't miss maybe they will have mercy on me what ever go to get ready for work today face the day all positive hope everyone has a good monday

[manofmusic]

Hope all are doing well today and taking steps in the right direction !

SeaRunner - Not everyone has a boss as understanding as the one you have. Just treat yourself well. Don't worry about a bit of weight gain. It sounds like with the amount of exercise you do, the gain will become a loss in no time. Just "suit up" and go for a run ! LOL
As for the weight loss, I feel like I've lost some, but I've been putting so much $$$ into getting the backyard done, there's not much $$$$ for WW. Now that the backyard's done, I'll have some $$$$ for WW. With the workout I've been getting in finishing up outside, I can feel it in the way my clothes fit. I really do need to get back to WW though. I can be my own worst enemy. I can talk myself into and out of just about anything. Especially food-wise.

Jill - As I've stated before, YOU ROCK !!!!!

forever young - I've been choosy in deciding who I tell about the panic attacks. A few people I've told have turned it into a joke. That ticked me right off. That's why I'm really careful about who I tell. I'm concerned that people will think that I'm "faking it"....that it isn't real or it's something I can just stop if I wanted to. I tell people that I know will be understanding and people I trust completely. I told most of my family, but not all of my friends know. A few people I've told have confessed to me that they also have attacks but were afraid to talk about it. You need to tell some people, but there's no reason to tell the world.

Hot Rod - I say the same thing to myself - panic ! Do your worst ! LOL There was a group of us that went to a bar this weekend. I haven't been to a bar in a long long long long time. I discovered that I'm not 21 anymore ! LOL I had my share of beer and I spent the rest of the weekend having one attack after another. Alcohol is now my enemy ! LOL I rarely drink, but for some reason it went down reeeeeal smooth. (and surprisingly it stayed down LOL)
NEVER AGAIN !!! I had my last panic attack this morning at work. I haven't has one since.

As for the salt thing, I blew it yesterday. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I treated this morning as a clean slate. Today I am salt-free ! I will do it again for this week. .....still no extra sugar or caffeine !

How is everyone today ???

[HelpingHands]

Searunner--I can completely see why your boss is so understanding, you have to be a complete asset to the team!! Your advice is always solid and well thought through I can almost feel the differences your making!! We appreciate your input!

To the rest of the group--I completely agree that it is a struggle..its super nice to know we are all going through it together!

My biggest issue is night driving, or driving in bad weather. I have officially been driving on the roads for a few years now..without panic. But don't get me out somewhere in snow, rain, or night! I feel as if I am hitting a brick wall with this. If I go into work and the weather is great, but it begins to snow, I am in a complete panic through the whole day. I try to just say--hey--look at me--I drive without anxiety on the daily...yay! But has anyone else experienced anything similar?

[NinjaFrodo]

This is a pretty long thread and so i have not read through every single post, i'm just gunna jump in around the most recent ones.

Sounds like your making progress suited up no pants runner guy (yes thats you SeaRunner). Its good you are keeping up with your exercise despite the anxiety, It can be challenging for while. What else are you doing for yourself? I mean like hobbies and such?

I've been doing yoga since about November on a weekly basis and yes it is very helpful, but the style i do is to house, dance and trance music so it's not really serene and calming...however it does give me a relaxed feeling as I use it to distract myself from my obsessive thinking over the condition. Hip-hop does the same thing.

One thing i have found (this may not be the case for you) is that at my last job I had no hobbies or anything to really enjoy and so my life was just about going to work, eat and sleep. This made me very anxious for each waking moment. Just before i got fired I was invited to go to the gym with a friend and I actually spent a few hours away from that mindset of fear. It really did feel like my work day didn't even happen and I was able to cope a little better with my job. You could use something like that as a reward to look forward to after you finish work.


As for me, my goals are to work on getting to sleep earlier. This is definately a huge work in progress but I am lowering my anxiety surrounding sleep at the moment and that seems to be working pretty good.


Mike

[SeaRunner]

FY06 -

Economic challenges are just one more stressor we have to worry about so I sympathize with you. It seems like it wasn't that long ago that I was sure that gas would NEVER hit $2.50 per gallon. I sure missed the target on that one!

Thanks for the kind words. My supervisor, manager, and coworkers have all been very kind and supportive to me. I've been very honest and up front with them about my condition. I've had this too long to be worried about what other think about it and in general I always get a positive response anyway. Like you, because of my openness, I've discovered a number of coworkers that either suffer currently or have in the past from anxiety conditions.

In my case, if I'm asked to do something that I don't feel I can do, such as attend a training class in another area, I let my supervisor know that I will try but I don't think I'll be able to do it. He understands that I want to go but that I simply have medical limitations. It's no different than a person with a back injury having limits on what they can lift. It's helped that I had my doctor submit a letter to my company describing my condition and my limitations so that I have an official document on file that excuses me from certain activities.

I also strive to be the best employee I can be. While this is being compromised right now with my erratic attendance, when I am able to be there, I have made myself an asset to the company. In addition to their compassion, I'm sure this is why they've been so lenient with me. I will continue to keep working towards consistent attendance until I make it or they let me go. Either way I know that I've tried my best. No one can ask for more.

Jamie