unsure of partner??

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 7:25 am

Dear BlueSkies,

Thank you for your reply and words of support. You know, I once spoke to my sister about my situation, and she said the EXACT same words to me. She said she couldn't tell me what to do (in terms of staying in or leaving the marriage), but she did tell me that I do have a right to be happy. I feel like I'm still sort of far away from completely grasping this idea, but I'm working towards it. To really feel it inside, and not just as an intellectual thing.

I wish that I had moved out many years ago, to at least to have given myself the time to myself, to figure out what it was/is I wanted. Maybe I would have decided to get divorced, or maybe even opted to return to the marriage, but at least it would have been MY CHOICE, instead of me continuing on in the marriage because of my fears of leaving. Kind of like being the helpless victim. Do you understand what I'm saying.
It would be nice to stay in touch, but I'm not sure what pm means. Is that private mail?
Ok, wishing you the best,
for now,
Elisheva

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 9:27 am

PM is private message....I do know how you feel about it being Your choice. I have talked to my husband about separating but he wants none of that obviously couldnt blame him. But I feel the same way. Just to get away to see how it feels to be outside looking in. And decide from there. I agree that it might not be that you need to get divorced afterwards but it gives a little more perspective.

Maybe you got married like me, and didnt really think it all the way through, and of course your married life sets in and people change or aren't who you thought they would be. It can be very confusing and even more so to people with low self esteem or anxiety and depression. I dont want to be alone. But you have kids to help you with that. I hope you reevaluate your situation. Because you never know until you try.

LUVG · Post by **LUVG** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 10:57 am

blueskies4me,

I just wanted to say that it's normal to have all these questions especially during anxious and depressive moments. When I remember back to the height of my anxiety and panic, which was many years ago, I remember asking myself deep questions like that including "does God even exist?" and I am a strong Christian believer, so you can imagine what that did to me at the time.

It's easy for anxiety and depression to tamper with your thoughts and emotions. Be very careful not to make any decisions that would have any permanent impact on your life while being in this state of mind.

I know someone who went through some deep questioning during her severe anxiety years and made some very bad choices as a result. She thought that by following through with those things would make her anxiety go away and it didn't... it only made matters much worse for her.

Be sure to journal everyday. By journaling everyday you can notice things about yourself and your feelings, such as feeling one thing on one day and another day feeling much different. Feelings do not mean "fact".

I am happy to say that I got over my own deep questioning , especially about the one about God. I read some really great books and encouraged myself through it.

Hope this helps!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:22 pm

For those that have had the spark, but have also had long periods of unhappiness in their marriage, I'd like to suggest a great book. It's called, "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language" by Emerson Eggerichs. It's well beyond Mars and Venus, but definitely helped me to understand the vicious cycle of the communication between spouses.

Best wishes to you all!