Fear of own thoughts and emotions?

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:08 am

Originally posted by Nole:
I am reading the Power of Now and he says when you feel yourself thinking in your head take a step back and listen to yourself think, it will make you stop. This has worked so far with me.

Can you explain this a bit more? I'm not following.

Nole · Post by **Nole** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 10:15 am

Let me se if I can explain this, like he has. Basically when you find yourself having dialogue in your head, listen to the thoughts racing in your head, that makes you become conscious of it. Most of the time we think in a non conscious state, so we are not in the moment or the Now of life. When you take the time to become conscious of what you are saying in your head you will often stop and become conscious of the Now. It stops the cyclew of over thinking. He explains how to live your life in the Now moment you need to learn to shut the brain off to a point and focus yourself of what is going on in your life at the moment. Does that make better sense??

It is a good book and he explains it better than I am. So worth a read if you are into reading inspirational books.

Lenore · Post by **Lenore** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:21 am

For me, during my journey to recovery fr anxiety disorder, it equated to the following:

- I had several things going on, that cumulatively, lead to my racing thoughts. I had been diagnosed w/ anxiety disorder + panic attack + PTSD(fr 3 diff things). I had YRSSSSSSSS of surpressed anger + emotional pain + fear + deep seeded resentment. Now, @ the time, I didn't "realize" this, lol. However, I had events I didn't want to "admit" took place(out of fear & shame & guilt=self blame) + my emotional self was like 1 tight knot of a ball of thread-so intermangled, there was no distinction - I was THE SUM TOTAL, there was NO DEGREE OF SEPARATION + truths I was unable to except, assuming I could CHANGE THINGS(trying to literally do it for 20+ yrs) + living in THE PAST - as the PAST - in current times(if that makes sense). ADD TO THAT, the EFFECTS ON ME(mentally,emotionally, physically, & spiritually) having done the above mentioned things, for almost 30+ yrs(since I was prob 5 - up & until anxiety disorder triggered in 2005, when I was 37). The sum total of these thing aided me in creating a series of negative learned behaviors. All these things were surpressed & surpressed & surpressed in my "emotional storage" till there was no room anymore - that is when anxiety disorder triggered. Mentally + emotionally, my cup spilleth over.

- My "gut" or my "God voice" (subconscious self) knew these things were there. That is where my "racing thoughts" came fr(not totally, no). There were things I just didn't want to acknowledge/admit + face + feel + deal w/. As a result of the cumulativeness of them & over the coarse of many yrs - they became intermangled. W/ the practice of these going on LONG ENOUGH, lol - it became PART OF WHO I WAS, the "negative side" of my personality. Because I was UNAWARE of this, I just kept building on them. As a result of this, I would "emotionally" try to UN-DO now, in current times - what happened then. In other words, I was emotionally attempting to do a DO OVER, lol - hoping to avoid having to face all I didn't want to. This all amounted to me being afraid of what I was THINKING & FEELING - then, TO FEEL THEM. My racing thoughts equated to a "continual practice sessions" - that avoidance of anticipation of GOING THERE, if I make sense.

- I initiated therapy immediately when my anxiety disorder triggered. I was fortunate to get a psychiatrist w/ 30+ yrs practice experience - specialing in TRAUMA. He was my EMOTIONAL "TOUR GUIDE" hahahha

He, very gently/slowly/methodically guided me through my past - facing all those things I couldn't/didn't/wouldn't. Then, as we did this - he helped me put a much healthier perspective on things. It was like going thru an imaginary time tunnel - experiencing these events & all the respective emotions as though they were happening for the 1st time. We condensed 30+ yrs of events/surpressed emotions into 20 MONTHS. This was very key to my recovery & as this topic states, racing thoughts. I needed to initiate getting myself comfortable w/ what I was thinking & feeling, then FEEL THEM & find a healthy medium(emotionally) - so that I wasn't constantly spinning wheels w/ them.

- Simultaneously, I initiated JOURNALING. I cld this HOMEWORK. While I was home for the 3 1/2 yrs, I had ME TIME-practicing getting it all out & not being afraid to do so. This was key, cause what had to heal was inside of me - I could have all the help in the world - if I didn't do it - if I couldn't do it, the help would be fruitless. Journaling helped me get comfortable w/ my thought & emotions & SECURE IN MYSELF - I got intuned W/ ME - so much so, eventually - w/ lots of practice, I was FINALLY able to FIND THE ANS'S w/o having to look outside myself. I simply looked inward & I TRUSTED THAT ANS MY SUBCONSCIOUS SELF=ME gave me, lol. See FAITH, if I could get myself to a place where I was comfortable admitting & feeling what I was thinking & feeling, as hard or painful as they were, WHAT WOULD THERE BE TO FEAR ANY MORE? Then, as a result, the RACING THOUGHTS LESSEN & THE ANXIETY LESSENED.

Facing & feeling all I didn't/wouldn't/couldn't + my getting comfortable w/ this - set me free. I wasn't in 1 constant & continual practice session - constantly spinning wheels, regurgitating these things over & over. I got comfortable w/ my thoughts + emotions + fears - because I did, the racing thoughts stopped. I wasn't running or avoiding anything anymore. W/ practice, I was able to create the positive behavior of NIP IT IN THE BUD/IS THIS REALISTIC/ & MOVE ON - worrying diminished.

Your Friend,

LENORE

KDlady · Post by **KDlady** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:49 am

Re: Lenore's post, I'm aiming for the same goal of working THROUGH the fears, thoughts, emotions that scare me so much. I think part of this has to be knowing that it won't happen overnight. Little by little, things will change so long as we're changing our reactions as much as we can. Ex: I tend to do a lot of "all or nothing" thinking about myself. I had several struggling points where I let my thoughts scare me the last few days, but I also had a few times where I re-directed myself or took it in prayer and it eased up. I've got to give myself credit where credit is due and not think I'm stuck and not improving. I didn't do it perfectly, but with enough practice, it will ease up and change, like Lenore was writing.
WE HAVE TO TRUST! Trust God because He's given us the books, the people's advice, His message internally sometimes, Lenore's post...they are all telling us that there isn't anything more to it besides this bad habit and that we CAN and WILL be overcomers. We just haven't been trusting in the truth as challenging as it is at times to believe.
Lots of ramble, but hope it helps.

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:46 am

Originally posted by Nole:
When you take the time to become conscious of what you are saying in your head you will often stop and become conscious of the Now. It stops the cyclew of over thinking. He explains how to live your life in the Now moment you need to learn to shut the brain off to a point and focus yourself of what is going on in your life at the moment. Does that make better sense??

That does; thank you. I was realizing the other day that even though I'm not an avoider physically. . .I am mentally. . . I'll go everywhere and do everything but if I get anxious I sort of go inside my head as an escape. And that's no better than just staying home because I'm not really "there" and I'm not having fun. It's something I'm working on and this is a really good point. Thanks.

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:51 am

Originally posted by Lenore:
I got comfortable w/ my thoughts + emotions + fears - because I did, the racing thoughts stopped. I wasn't running or avoiding anything anymore.

This makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing! I had a counselor once (that I stopped seeing when I got pregnant with #2 because the drive was so long) that told me she felt I was running from something. I wonder if this is what she meant. Interesting.

I'm considering starting up again in counseling, but I've gone over stuff from my childhood SOOO many times over, I'm not sure if that's what's still bothering me or not. I do need to trust myself though. . .I'm always seeking out opinions of others and confirming my thoughts and feelings as "normal" or "not normal" so this makes sense. Hmmm. . .something to bring up once I get back to it again.

Thanks,

Chris