update: today the kids were at school so i had a chance to talk to her. I simply asked for a hug she said yes. so she gave me a hug and i could feel her sqeeze me i then simply asked her for a kiss and she said i was pushing it. it cut me to the quick so i sat for a minute composed my thoughts and in a soft voice i told her we were both adults here and all i want is for us to be happy again she said she was working on it. I told her i was scared and that i love her and that im like an open book with my feelings and she bottles hers up and if ive done something to make her like this if she keeps everything in and doesnt tell me i cant fix it. simply put i told her i hoped she would fall back in love with me again.
As for the hormones i have never said a word about her going and having them checked that is between her and her mother she doesnt know that i know she went.
You have to understand this major change happened overnight and i have been in shock. She told me you dont think it hurts me that im hurting you but she said she had to figure things out in her head. she knows i love her but i cant help but wonder if she wants more.
on a lighter note i called her when i got off of work we talked and before we hung up she told me she loved me. i took that as a good sign but all this silence is hurting my heart. Can you love someone too much?????
help me to understand
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ship2shore
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2008 4:25 pm
ksl, I just read a passage in a book by Richard Carlson (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff) related to the dangers of taking stock of your life during low moods. You've had an awful lot to deal with this past year and you should concentrate on riding out your low mood. Instead, begin to look toward the day when this mood passes because it will pass. Only then should you take stock of your life. In the meantime, try to cultivate positive thought patterns. Best wishes, ship
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
Well, lastnight she actually came to me and wanted to talk. she told me she got her results back from the Dr. and her hormones were fine. She kinda gloated about it for a minute. She said she kshe knows i wounows she is hurting me but she just doesnt know right now she needs time in her head to figure things out. I asked her you dont know if your still in love with me or if you still wanted to be married and she say she doesnt know. That confuses me when she says that. She also said that when she helped me through my issues last year she guesses it bottled up in her. last year she would tell me im getting better but i think she wasnt being honest with me. I told her like she use to always say that she had 3 children why didnt she tell me when i was doing things that bothered her. she didnt answer me. i told her you grab me by my ears and say dont do that. I would do anything for her and she knows that. she just says she loves me but she doesnt know. I told her i loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but i couldnt make her love me back. got to go more later.
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
Update,
Yesterday went ok i guess there is no contact from the time we leave for work in the morning until i get home at night. we had good general conversation but nothing else and i left it at that. Today i get home and she is in the bed already asleep at 5:45pm i asked my daughter about dinner and she said momma said it was a fend for yourself night. I have to ask you guys has she fallen into a deep state of depression? or is she just trying to avoid me??? Im not giving up but do you know how hard it is to want somebody and right now that person doesnt want you back. Please help me to understand???
Yesterday went ok i guess there is no contact from the time we leave for work in the morning until i get home at night. we had good general conversation but nothing else and i left it at that. Today i get home and she is in the bed already asleep at 5:45pm i asked my daughter about dinner and she said momma said it was a fend for yourself night. I have to ask you guys has she fallen into a deep state of depression? or is she just trying to avoid me??? Im not giving up but do you know how hard it is to want somebody and right now that person doesnt want you back. Please help me to understand???
I read through your thread very quickly but I want to encourage you. I would strongly suggest not pushing too hard with her. Let her be the one to approach you. We women are so weird sometimes, it might be annoying to always be pushed and pressured. My husband used to ask what I was thinking, I couldn't pin point what I was thinking, I think sometimes I am touched with ADD, so that question kind of bugged me since I wasn't specifically thinking about anything.
So I would just suggest to not pressure her to talk about anything, you don't have to ignore her completely, but maybe that will take the pressure off her and she'll decide to open up to you on her own.
So I would just suggest to not pressure her to talk about anything, you don't have to ignore her completely, but maybe that will take the pressure off her and she'll decide to open up to you on her own.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
Ksl,
I feels to me she went into depression. I would do like shifrah suggested after all she is a female! I would say other things but I really believe another female will give you better advice. You may want to ask her mom about the depression. Maybe having someones opinion that isnt in the house may be helpful.
Good luck bud!
I feels to me she went into depression. I would do like shifrah suggested after all she is a female! I would say other things but I really believe another female will give you better advice. You may want to ask her mom about the depression. Maybe having someones opinion that isnt in the house may be helpful.
Good luck bud!
Wildcard
If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be.
If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be.
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Guest
Wow!!! This is a very difficult thing to go through!!! A marriage of 18 years is a very serious thing!!!
If you are a Christian, then I strongly suggest that you pray about this one!!! If you are not, then I would find me a church, begin praying and studying my Bible!!!
God can do anything!!! All things are possible with God!!!
I just pray that you do your best (and I know this is going to be very difficult) not to pressure her in any way!!!
The more pressured she feels, then the more likely she will push you further away!!!
In fact, I think that I would really try my hardest to let her have that space (however long that may be)!!!
I pray that things work out for you and your wife!!! Divorces are soooo difficult on every one, including family members!!!
All that I know to do at this point is to send up a prayer for you and your wife!!! I pray that God mends your relationship in the Precious Name of Jesus of Nazareth...Amen and Amen!!!
In the meantime, try your best to give it to God!!! I know it is VERY VERY difficult, but what other options do you really have left???
Please continue to keep us updated!!! May God Richly Bless you, your wife, your marriage, your children and your finances!!!
If you are a Christian, then I strongly suggest that you pray about this one!!! If you are not, then I would find me a church, begin praying and studying my Bible!!!
God can do anything!!! All things are possible with God!!!
I just pray that you do your best (and I know this is going to be very difficult) not to pressure her in any way!!!
The more pressured she feels, then the more likely she will push you further away!!!
In fact, I think that I would really try my hardest to let her have that space (however long that may be)!!!
I pray that things work out for you and your wife!!! Divorces are soooo difficult on every one, including family members!!!
All that I know to do at this point is to send up a prayer for you and your wife!!! I pray that God mends your relationship in the Precious Name of Jesus of Nazareth...Amen and Amen!!!
In the meantime, try your best to give it to God!!! I know it is VERY VERY difficult, but what other options do you really have left???
Please continue to keep us updated!!! May God Richly Bless you, your wife, your marriage, your children and your finances!!!
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Guest
I found this article on the internet!!! I think this article has some very good points in it...
This can be a nightmare. When your marriage comes to a one sided love affair. When you are no longer on the same level with your significant half, when your spouse wants out while you on the other hand is insisting to hold on and make it work.
You know in your heart that stopping divorce is the best decision. You know that you can do better and make your marriage work. Though your spouse is very strong about his or her decision and stopping divorce may seem impossible, don't fight it.
The more you argue about it the more you can aggravate the situation. The best or the wisest thing that you can do when your husband or wife wants out for good, you have to keep your cool even if you are dying to shout and shake him or her to his or her senses.
If you break down and go down on your knees with tears covering your whole face, you might scare him/ her more and get him or her to think that he or she is making the right decision of divorcing you.
When your husband or wife tells you to end your marriage, keep calm and collected, this conveys a message of great maturity and sensibleness.
If you put on a calm and serious face your spouse will think that you take him or her seriously and that you know the degree of his/ her sentiments.
In stopping divorce, show your partner openness and sincerity that you want to hear him or her out. In stopping divorce create conducive environment for communication.
Hear out his or her reason or reasons for his or her decision for divorce. If you think that his or her reasons are in your capacity to correct then tell your partner that you can work it out.
If your other half decides to give you another chance to prove yourself, stand up to it. Put together a loving atmosphere in your home.
Produce an aura of forgiveness, acceptance and belongingness in your abode not just to prove a point but for your marriage sake.
However, if your significant other is still decided, then you have to compromise and ask for your better half to take some time alone to think before doing some drastic decision.
In stopping divorce, the best decision you can do is to allow your husband or wife to have his or her space.
A trial separation may be the best solution for the mean time. You have to make it clear though that even if you don’t want to stay away from him or her but because you love him or her so much you will respect his or her need to be alone and to be away from you.
Never forget to tell your husband or wife that you are willing to sacrifice you own happiness for him or her and all you want him/ her is to be happy, even if it implies that his or her happiness means you are out of the picture.
Your spouse might realize that you mean well and might reconsider his or her decision. You have to be sincere when you say something like that and not say it just to make your spouse stay because sooner or later he or she will figure out that you are just pulling his or her leg, he or she might lash out and make it hard in you in your divorce.
In stopping divorce make your partner realize that your marriage may be flawed but the beauty of marriage is it gives both of you the chance to fall in love all over again and work things out. All you and your spouse have to do is to have faith.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years.
This can be a nightmare. When your marriage comes to a one sided love affair. When you are no longer on the same level with your significant half, when your spouse wants out while you on the other hand is insisting to hold on and make it work.
You know in your heart that stopping divorce is the best decision. You know that you can do better and make your marriage work. Though your spouse is very strong about his or her decision and stopping divorce may seem impossible, don't fight it.
The more you argue about it the more you can aggravate the situation. The best or the wisest thing that you can do when your husband or wife wants out for good, you have to keep your cool even if you are dying to shout and shake him or her to his or her senses.
If you break down and go down on your knees with tears covering your whole face, you might scare him/ her more and get him or her to think that he or she is making the right decision of divorcing you.
When your husband or wife tells you to end your marriage, keep calm and collected, this conveys a message of great maturity and sensibleness.
If you put on a calm and serious face your spouse will think that you take him or her seriously and that you know the degree of his/ her sentiments.
In stopping divorce, show your partner openness and sincerity that you want to hear him or her out. In stopping divorce create conducive environment for communication.
Hear out his or her reason or reasons for his or her decision for divorce. If you think that his or her reasons are in your capacity to correct then tell your partner that you can work it out.
If your other half decides to give you another chance to prove yourself, stand up to it. Put together a loving atmosphere in your home.
Produce an aura of forgiveness, acceptance and belongingness in your abode not just to prove a point but for your marriage sake.
However, if your significant other is still decided, then you have to compromise and ask for your better half to take some time alone to think before doing some drastic decision.
In stopping divorce, the best decision you can do is to allow your husband or wife to have his or her space.
A trial separation may be the best solution for the mean time. You have to make it clear though that even if you don’t want to stay away from him or her but because you love him or her so much you will respect his or her need to be alone and to be away from you.
Never forget to tell your husband or wife that you are willing to sacrifice you own happiness for him or her and all you want him/ her is to be happy, even if it implies that his or her happiness means you are out of the picture.
Your spouse might realize that you mean well and might reconsider his or her decision. You have to be sincere when you say something like that and not say it just to make your spouse stay because sooner or later he or she will figure out that you are just pulling his or her leg, he or she might lash out and make it hard in you in your divorce.
In stopping divorce make your partner realize that your marriage may be flawed but the beauty of marriage is it gives both of you the chance to fall in love all over again and work things out. All you and your spouse have to do is to have faith.
About the author
The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years.
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ksl hopeless romantic
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:27 am
She got up this morning and went to work ahter being asleep since 5:30 yesterday evening. i was upstairs in our bonus room where we have our morning coffee she knew i was up and never bothered to come up and say bye or nothing. It hurts all this space she wants but with each passing day i feel myself changing the way i feel for her. I fight the feelings because we have had 18 beautiful years together. I wish would spend half the time with me as she does in facebook. Life is so techno nowadays i think its the cause of so many divorces in America. Im so afraid the end is near for our marriage by the way she is acting. I Dont Know! I Dont Know! now im starting to sound like her cause the way she is acting is causing me to question my feelings toward her. Ill keep you up to date... HELP I FEEL LIKE IM DROWNING!!!!!
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Guest
I agree with Ms. T Bones...though I am not a christian..I am pagan...whether it be church or something else...spirituality is a wonderful thing...don't try to get through stuff like this on your own. That being said...hey if you're athiest no pressure or anything...
I noticed facebook...I missed a couple messages in this thread the last few days and I'm in the middle of cleaning right now but I just read what you said about her time on facebook and I really had to wonder. Do you have access to her facebook? I don't mean into her account but for instance..do you have your own account and are you on her friends list and able to see what she's doing on there? Because I can tell you right now...it's a dangerous place and not just for marriages....me and my husband pretty much had a stalker and I had to deactivate mine. It really became nothing short of a nuissance. I am considering permanently deleting eventually I dunno. Find out more about the facebook thing if she's on it a lot. I don't know if you use it too but if you don't...it might be worth somehow looking into.
Best of luck!
I noticed facebook...I missed a couple messages in this thread the last few days and I'm in the middle of cleaning right now but I just read what you said about her time on facebook and I really had to wonder. Do you have access to her facebook? I don't mean into her account but for instance..do you have your own account and are you on her friends list and able to see what she's doing on there? Because I can tell you right now...it's a dangerous place and not just for marriages....me and my husband pretty much had a stalker and I had to deactivate mine. It really became nothing short of a nuissance. I am considering permanently deleting eventually I dunno. Find out more about the facebook thing if she's on it a lot. I don't know if you use it too but if you don't...it might be worth somehow looking into.
Best of luck!