Hi SongWriter-
I am a wife, so I understand what you are saying. We can be that way sometimes.
I bet your wife is also feeling under the gun with life and economy and sick MIL, etc. It sounds like she started with lashing out re: the tantrum and maybe didn't handle it well and then you piled on to both of them, as their screaming made your stress level spike.
Parenting is hard in the good times and even harder when the kid is acting like a kid and you don't feel like you can act like an adult to handle it.
If you can, get really deliberate in your parenting. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Tantrums are for 2-3 year olds, not 7 year olds. I was just at a parenting class today that talked about a book called "Love and Logic" by Fay and Fay. It's about letting consequences be the teacher of the child, so that you are preparing them for the real world.
I mention that, just because you could use a great relationship with your wife and child right now, instead of the arguing and tantrums and non-acceptance of others feelings.
I'll pray for you all.
My Meltdown and 7 year old
newrunner, wow you hit the nail on the head. My wife did start fighting with my son and it woke me up. I spiked after they started!!
Thank you for saying wives can be that way. My wife can be very self righteous sometimes. It's very hard dealing with her sometimes.
Actually, my wife is a nurse and takes care of my mother. But my mother does nothing to take care of herself so it can get very frustrating!
It's funny you mentioned consequences. Just today I stated that my temper tantrums really did not have any consequences that I could see until recently. I guess it goes with being an adult. Or I might have been blind to them all these years.
By the way, I am a New Runner too!
Thank you for saying wives can be that way. My wife can be very self righteous sometimes. It's very hard dealing with her sometimes.
Actually, my wife is a nurse and takes care of my mother. But my mother does nothing to take care of herself so it can get very frustrating!
It's funny you mentioned consequences. Just today I stated that my temper tantrums really did not have any consequences that I could see until recently. I guess it goes with being an adult. Or I might have been blind to them all these years.
By the way, I am a New Runner too!
"life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you react to it."
The xanax is only good for panic attacks. Please trust me, at least go to dr and ask for klonopin,its a longer active anti-anxiety but same class. i took xanax a couple times a day regular and it made me so angry and depressed. Its not you its the xanax it made me so mad i yelled all the time. Its your body withdrawling and looking for more! I don't want to be on meds but klonpoin is much better!
Originally posted by SongWriter:
I'm going through a lot. I'm out of work, and my 86 year old mother is not doing well. I had a falling out with my sister's family and it will never be fixed. I had a falling out with my former coworkers.
I wake up this morning to my son having a tantrum thus making my wife yell at him.
To make a long story short I start yelling at my son saying "I can't take this! I'm out of work and MY MOTHER IS DYING!!" Of course he starts crying that he doesn't want his grandma to die!! WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT!!! WHY AM I SO CRUEL! But it's on my mind!
Yesterday my wife was telling him he should get ready one day for that to happen. Of course she didn't tell me she told that to him.
So we both say Grandma is not dying, but she is not feeling well... to comfort him.
So once again my meltdown ruins everything!
My wife won't expect my apology.
ONCE AGAIN MY MELTDOWN RUINS THE DAY!
When all of a sudden have people been taking my meltdowns seriously. When I was growing up there seemed to be no consequences but now there are.
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Guest
Hi SongWriter-
Running is fun, isn't it?
I am a book fan and love to learn about ways to help myself, so I am a fount of suggestions-- here's another one or two for you.
A book for yourself called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. And another called Boundaries with your kids by the same authors. First you need to work on yourself then you can help them. For your marriage, they have a Boundaries in Marriage book. I haven't looked at that one. A personal trainer recommended the Boundaries book to me because I was stressing over what family members would think or if they were mad at me or I was mad at them for how they were acting, etc. Since reading that I have incorporated some separation into my life. When my grandma is cranky and gets snippy on the phone, I try to remember where she is coming from and that she is old and not as healthy as she would like, etc. But, there is a line now. And if she crosses it, I will say something to her. She does NOT like that and so we do go thru periods of time where we don't talk or visit for a while. I finally realized that only she can change herself and frankly, she likes being crabby. But- I didn't get to choose my relatives and so I can't expect myself to be close to them just by virtue of blood relationship. My mom is another one. She is a product of the crabby grandma and unfortunately learned some of her habits. Just the other day I had to call her on the carpet when she started stressing about the schedule of the weekend that she and my dad had promised to take care of my kids. She was ragging about it and I reminded her that she knew all that ahead of time when she agreed to it and that she was being really negative and hurtful. I NEVER have done that in the past and would have worried about it hurting our "relationship" etc., but it was truly hurtful and I was able to tell her so and let it go and... I'm still here.
It makes me sad that I don't have a Walton family, but I feel more whole in my soul for taking care of me and my immediate family.
I hope you guys can get it worked out.
I'll keep praying for you.
Running is fun, isn't it?
I am a book fan and love to learn about ways to help myself, so I am a fount of suggestions-- here's another one or two for you.
A book for yourself called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. And another called Boundaries with your kids by the same authors. First you need to work on yourself then you can help them. For your marriage, they have a Boundaries in Marriage book. I haven't looked at that one. A personal trainer recommended the Boundaries book to me because I was stressing over what family members would think or if they were mad at me or I was mad at them for how they were acting, etc. Since reading that I have incorporated some separation into my life. When my grandma is cranky and gets snippy on the phone, I try to remember where she is coming from and that she is old and not as healthy as she would like, etc. But, there is a line now. And if she crosses it, I will say something to her. She does NOT like that and so we do go thru periods of time where we don't talk or visit for a while. I finally realized that only she can change herself and frankly, she likes being crabby. But- I didn't get to choose my relatives and so I can't expect myself to be close to them just by virtue of blood relationship. My mom is another one. She is a product of the crabby grandma and unfortunately learned some of her habits. Just the other day I had to call her on the carpet when she started stressing about the schedule of the weekend that she and my dad had promised to take care of my kids. She was ragging about it and I reminded her that she knew all that ahead of time when she agreed to it and that she was being really negative and hurtful. I NEVER have done that in the past and would have worried about it hurting our "relationship" etc., but it was truly hurtful and I was able to tell her so and let it go and... I'm still here.
It makes me sad that I don't have a Walton family, but I feel more whole in my soul for taking care of me and my immediate family.
I hope you guys can get it worked out.
I'll keep praying for you.