34 YR OLD STROKE SURVIVOR WITH DAILY PANIC ATTACKS

[tina martin]

Paislee, I have a popular series "Books on the Shelf" that I tell myself will keep me in my son's and daughter's mind when I'm gone. Then, again, I tell them these will be easy to get rid of: dump them in the recycles. Current "CrossOver" is No. 7. They are my children that did not and will not leave home.

Paislee, maybe you can write about your darling son to stay with you in ways you may not even imagine. If you'd want to share it here, we'd read it with you. Just a thought.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Tina, I have to always check what I read from you because I'm not sure if you are serious or not...I like all your mystery...
Now are the journals your children that won't leave home? I hope I'm understanding what you are saying.

Yes, I could write about my sweet boy, I just paid to have him in a future Memorial Page that I have to find the photos I want the designer's to use. It took everything in me to decide that I wanted to pay for a full page spread and then get DH to paypal the money to reserve my spot. Now I have to go through the decision making of what photos to send in. That's why I haven't done any memorial elsewhere is this thinking process that is hard to go through.

I have a lot of frustration as I have written many things on different computers and then the computers change and I don't trust that the hard drives were saved by DS the Geek. I know I have lots of papers and memorabilia saved and I have a scrapbook room, but I can't get into it.

Also, DSGeek, packed up much of my stuff in unlabeled boxes and they are stacked in the garage and other areas. So this is my great ANXIETY that I have to take baby steps with. I have many Life Stories to write before I get forgetful or infirm. This is what brings on fear in my mind and soul.

So many decisions to make, projects to let go of and steps to begin. I'm anxious to get photos on a CD or some electronic device and copied so that they are in a different location in case of a flood, fire, earthquake. So I need to have faith and just plod along, and stay the course. Work on enjoying myself and yet get these goals of mine accomplished so that if I were to leave this earth tomorrow, my family won't be in a mess.

I'm pretty well ahead of most people, my pics are labeled and dated, and filed chronologically. But my Life Story isn't all written down and my children's early years in my view isn't all down either. Things use to be written down, but where exactly are they? So that is my greatest goal is putting these things in order and documented for others to find. Paislee

[tina martin]

We are diverting Jason's thread. Hope he is OK and joins us anytime. Yes, children are gone, "books" are here, substitute children. They sit on the shelf, get along, smile at me. Boss works. I am mostly alone and old. How's that for a combination? Truth is I now like it, after my time actively participating in virtual life here and at our previous site.

Paislee, what you are trying to put together sounds daunting. What I had in mind is a notebook and pens, post here. It is what has helped me tremendously. So I guess I'd wish the same for you. Hope your cold is all better. Mine is with extra Vit. C. Told my daughter I will soon look like a walking Vit C.

[Paisleegreen]

That's funny, Tina, a vit C! I'm doing much better now that I'm on anti-biotics and resting. Each day I feel my strength coming back and sinuses clear. I have had to stay away from Vit C's due to the anxiety symptoms I would feel after I took a vitamin. I'm just sensitive to everything I eat and have to remember what Lucinda says about that not all energizing feelings are going to bring on a Panic Attack. So it is mind vs matter, I guess, to tell myself, okay, this is just my body reacting to "chemicals" adding to my stomach and blood system and brain chemistry. And to not get anxious about what I'm feeling.

I realized after taking my anti biotics that I was suppose to take 2 pills twice a day instead of one twice a day. So I had to adjust to the extra dosage and what my body was experiencing because of it.

I don't want to take from this posting either and not sure where I'm suppose to post. I have a new problem that goes with old ones to work on and not sure where to post. WhatIf suggested a Courage Thread, not sure though if that goes with the Change thread already started. But I have a dilemma or challenge to work out that really affects all areas of my life, and might have to put it on the Expectations Session Section. Paislee

[tina martin]

This is interesting. We do have our chemistries to be mindful of. Anti-biotics create havoc in me, but I can pump in just about anything else (in supplements), not prescribed.

The other interesting observation is that neither you nor I will start a thread. You could start one right here. Maybe you want to call it Expectations or whatever issue you want to address. If you click Attacking Anxieties and Depression I think you would then click New Topic, in red, at the top, on the left of listing of all topics, state your subject and post your comment. Anyone can participate and you can post anything that matters to you. Paislee, I have no idea what I'm saying here, but am trying. Off to do Sun Salutations, some sitting yoga, etc. Bye for now. Then the phone will ring, etc. etc.

[Paisleegreen]

Thanks Tina...