scared to die

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:10 am

Thank you carinkacz. I actuaaly was feeling better wwhile doing the program and than something extremely stressful happened and i got very side tracked and in fact got worse than how i was before the program. . All these stresses started to happen and it has gotten the best of me. I know i need to start on the program again. I feel like i can stop a panic attack mostly. I am on session4 which i felt didn't apply to how i was feeling so it was easy for me to stop doing it. . i know o need to get back on. . I am really looking forward to "what if thinkers" and "obsessive scary thoughts."

sit-n-spin
I don't know why other peoples comments on my mental/physical health affect me so much. . The thing is I am not one to do things just to make everyone happy or try and be someone I am not it's just when other people act like there is something very wrong with me it scares me. Like I need people to not think its a big deal because than I wont and than the anxiety isn't so bad. But when people say I am worried about you It makes me think whats wrong with me? I dont like people to pity me. . I like to talk about how I feel and have people understand and be positive I guess. Like when my sister asks how are you I'll always tell the truth and she her comments are "wow that sucks" or "thats weird" Im like THANKS, next time don't ask how I am because you only make it worse!! LOL It's like in my heart I know it has to be anxiety yet i need reassurance that I will be ok and not to worry. . . I dont know, I just dont like people feeling sorry for me because it makes me feel more anxiety. . If that makes any sense. Yes what I am going through is painful but why cant I get out of it like other people have? There is no reason why i cant, right? I dont take any anti-depressant which a lot of people seem to think is the answer but its not for me. But, why whats wrong with doing this and recovering w/o anti depressants? People act like you cant do it without them or that I need them for sure but I know my body and how i react to them. . Anyway, just ranting now. thank you everyone for the replys!!

abbette · Post by **abbette** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:33 am

Holly you and I are so alike it freaking scares me! I had the same experience with people wondering if I was ok. Everything that happens in our life is only there so we can LEARN and GROW. It seems to me like you may have an issue with BELIEVING IN YOURSELF...maybe your Highself is trying to show you, you need to work on that. If you believed in yourself everyone could be saying you are going insane and you are a hopeless case that will never find peace and happiness again and even in your anxious state you could laugh at them cause YOU KNOW YOURSELF that you are going to be EVEN BETTER THAN BEFORE!...why? because YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I know it's hard to believe right now...but with constant repetition and patience you will eventually naturally believe it and feel it. The signs really help...putting just one peice of paper up on your wall that screams "I BELIEVE IN MYSELF and ALL IS GOOD!!!" to see that every morning right when you open your eyes will have an impact. I swear by the signs.

MarkLindemer · Post by **MarkLindemer** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:46 am

One thing I don't think I saw anyone say - Holly, you must be an exceptionally creative person. Your mind may be like mine; it never shuts off. Pick one of your creative passions and put your supersonic mind on it instead of using it to imagine negative brain-wave noise that can freak you out.

Holly J · Post by **Holly J** » Sat Jul 12, 2008 4:57 pm

thank you abbette. YOURE SO RIGHT!!! I dont believe in myself. i need other people to tell me i am ok and that makes me feel better. i do need to start believing in me. Mark thank you very much for the compliment. I do need to use my negative energy in positive things. I really want to learn how to sew... maybe i should learn and do that as a hobbie. iv LOOVE making things and always wanted to learn to make things on a sewing machine.my boyfriends mother night me one so might as well start using it. . . anyway, i am def going to start writing things in my bedroom. i used to do that actually when i first started the program. does anyone feel even more anxious when theyre doing the program than before? i mean i am only on session 4 but i did stop so maybe thats why i started feeling more anxious?