I've had that feeling a lot especially lately; it just won't lift I don't generally feel suicidal, but the urge to inflict pain and injury to "snap out of it" and drain some of the pain and "poison" from inside me is very strong at these times. Hopefully this isn't a trigger (talking about it at the wrong time can be for me) and I'm uncertain if this is what you mean... what I'm talking all around is that I have a history of self-injury (not suicide attempts) and I'm uncertain if that is what you may be referring to- if so, then you may try thrusting your hand into ice cold water. This trick has kept me from going too far but still letting me "take the edge off" and snap out of it without leaving a mark and all the shame that goes along with it. Sorry so graphic... and possibly not what you mean... hugs, and remember that you're not alone in any of this.Originally posted by Maeggie:
I am sitting here at work, tears rolling down my face with that overwhelming suicide feeling, wanting to hurt myself or self medicate and I wanted to ask everyone how do you deal with the overwhelming feeling of suicide? any advice/suggestions are greatly appreciated! there has to be a better way to deal with this feeling that hasnt passed since I woke up!
how do you handle the overwhelming suicide feeling?
-
cuttingirl
- Posts: 73
- Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 10:51 am
"I have lived a horrible life, none of which has actually happened"-Winston Churchill
Hi Cuttingirl:
Thanks for your post. Yes indeed that is a part of the feeling I am talking about, a big part.. I appreciate your ice suggestion, that sounds much less consequential than when I have really lost it in the past, crying and sort of hitting myself until I had two black eyes.. man that was a rough one to cover.. This feeling is horrible, absolutely horrible, endless.. or so it seems.. I have been sleeping SO MUCH and not eating at all two thing of which I feel I have no control, I gag when I try to eat and cannot imagine doing anything but sleep when Im not at work.. its a big black hole- Bottom line sister- I can relate!
I will send an extra word in prayer for you.. I hope we can both find the strength to get through it
Please keep in touch!
Thanks for your post. Yes indeed that is a part of the feeling I am talking about, a big part.. I appreciate your ice suggestion, that sounds much less consequential than when I have really lost it in the past, crying and sort of hitting myself until I had two black eyes.. man that was a rough one to cover.. This feeling is horrible, absolutely horrible, endless.. or so it seems.. I have been sleeping SO MUCH and not eating at all two thing of which I feel I have no control, I gag when I try to eat and cannot imagine doing anything but sleep when Im not at work.. its a big black hole- Bottom line sister- I can relate!
I will send an extra word in prayer for you.. I hope we can both find the strength to get through it
Please keep in touch!
-
hairtrigger
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Mon May 14, 2007 10:59 pm
WOW cutting.... I am so sorry to see that you understand how I am feeling. I used to cry at work monthly....[had to keep an eye on the olde female calendar]. In addition - my only reason for living right now is my 10-year old. Wish I had an answer for you, but truth be told, I too am TIRED OF LIVING. I joyfully await weekends where I can self medicate and sleep to avoid being awake & facing all the crap that life brings with it. Where's all the joy of living that we were supposed to encounter; hell if I know.
Best wishes...hang in there.
Hairtrigger
Best wishes...hang in there.
Hairtrigger
Maeggie, Please come on the conference prayer call tomorrow night at l0pm eastern and 9pm central. It's free. Go to the spiritual forum about"Praying Together". Please come on. There are many people there who care about you. I think it was 2 wks.or so when *D* asked us to pray for you. I will be praying for you. You are more than a conqueror so keep on keeping on. Hope to talk to you tomorrow night.
yo ladies were talkin cuttin and not wanting to live..you can never go back to where you were..you have come to far...what you need is what you are oing now. get it out in the open. there is hope and you have to work for it and you will get better..
i can not relate to what you are talking about and i know that there are others that are worse off then me and i pray for everyone in the frum and when we meet on wednesday nights things begin to happen and people that had not drove in a long time drove the next day. other that had not gone shopping went and some even drove to work...you have come this far...there is so much to live for.
the lady that said if it was not for her child a ten year old she would end it..i feel for you..i really do. what happened to bring you this point in your life. who hurt you that made you feel that way..i tell you what would make you feel better. turn your life back over to GOD..i ran from HIM for years and after i did things beging to change..i my be off course sayin that but as you talk i can feel the hurt you have inside if you..and will keep you in our prayers. isn't it good to be able to talk to others and thy do not put you down but rather hold you up and let you know that you are loved...
please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. cuttingirl i have talked to you awhile ago and had not heard from you. maeggie i have talked to you as well..
we go through things we do not understnd and some in here can tell you hoe they got through what you are going through now.
take care and GOD BLESS..
HEAVENLY FATHER I ASK THAT EACH OF THE LADIES THAT HAVEWROTE IN THE FORUM ABOUT THEIR FEELING AND WHAT THEY ARE THINKING THAT YOU GIVETHEM PEACE..YOU SAID IN YOUR OWRD THAT WHEN 2 OR 3 ARE GATHERED TOGETHER IN YOUR NAME THAT YOU ARE IN THEIR MIST...YOU ALSO SAID ASK ANYTHING FROM MY FATHER IN HEAVEN AND BELEIVE AND HAVE FAITH AND ITS YOURS..WE CLAIM IT AND BELEIVE IT AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE GREAT PHYSICIAN..IN JESUS NAME. THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES..AMEN AND AMEN..
DON
i can not relate to what you are talking about and i know that there are others that are worse off then me and i pray for everyone in the frum and when we meet on wednesday nights things begin to happen and people that had not drove in a long time drove the next day. other that had not gone shopping went and some even drove to work...you have come this far...there is so much to live for.
the lady that said if it was not for her child a ten year old she would end it..i feel for you..i really do. what happened to bring you this point in your life. who hurt you that made you feel that way..i tell you what would make you feel better. turn your life back over to GOD..i ran from HIM for years and after i did things beging to change..i my be off course sayin that but as you talk i can feel the hurt you have inside if you..and will keep you in our prayers. isn't it good to be able to talk to others and thy do not put you down but rather hold you up and let you know that you are loved...
please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. cuttingirl i have talked to you awhile ago and had not heard from you. maeggie i have talked to you as well..
we go through things we do not understnd and some in here can tell you hoe they got through what you are going through now.
take care and GOD BLESS..
HEAVENLY FATHER I ASK THAT EACH OF THE LADIES THAT HAVEWROTE IN THE FORUM ABOUT THEIR FEELING AND WHAT THEY ARE THINKING THAT YOU GIVETHEM PEACE..YOU SAID IN YOUR OWRD THAT WHEN 2 OR 3 ARE GATHERED TOGETHER IN YOUR NAME THAT YOU ARE IN THEIR MIST...YOU ALSO SAID ASK ANYTHING FROM MY FATHER IN HEAVEN AND BELEIVE AND HAVE FAITH AND ITS YOURS..WE CLAIM IT AND BELEIVE IT AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE GREAT PHYSICIAN..IN JESUS NAME. THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES..AMEN AND AMEN..
DON
Don:
Amen.
As I wipe away the thousandth tear this week I must compliment you on the way you write, it is truly beautiful. I know I have said that before but with such grace and wisdom..Thank you for the encouragement and time. I wish this would get easier and I do pray each day for strength.. This is the ONLY place I can poor out to- I refuse to show 'weakness' anywhere else (not that I believe this is weakness but the judgmental people around me do) and therefore am self contained and fake appearing to be completely together to the point where women in my office are jealous? nice front eh?! its like that women in titanic said "I feel like I am in the middle of a full room screaming and no one hears me.." thanks for hearing me on here..
God bless..
Amen.
As I wipe away the thousandth tear this week I must compliment you on the way you write, it is truly beautiful. I know I have said that before but with such grace and wisdom..Thank you for the encouragement and time. I wish this would get easier and I do pray each day for strength.. This is the ONLY place I can poor out to- I refuse to show 'weakness' anywhere else (not that I believe this is weakness but the judgmental people around me do) and therefore am self contained and fake appearing to be completely together to the point where women in my office are jealous? nice front eh?! its like that women in titanic said "I feel like I am in the middle of a full room screaming and no one hears me.." thanks for hearing me on here..
God bless..
Sort of a side note here, but I had never, ever heard of anyone else hitting themselves until they had black eyes...and I've done that in the past too.
Every day in here, it seems like, I am amazed at how what I thought were shameful, singular, and unique problems of mine are actually shared by so many others.
Hang in there Maeggie...we all deserve BETTER than this...and we're headed for it! As my good friend luvpiggy says, "One day at a time!"
Blessings,
Dawn
Every day in here, it seems like, I am amazed at how what I thought were shameful, singular, and unique problems of mine are actually shared by so many others.
Hang in there Maeggie...we all deserve BETTER than this...and we're headed for it! As my good friend luvpiggy says, "One day at a time!"
Blessings,
Dawn
Maeggie,
God bless you - hang in there.
I stopped the black eye thing a while ago, but I can see it translating into my life in the way that I feel the need to be sick so that I can have the attention that I want. And we all know how attention goes - even bad attention is better than no attention. Sigh.
The week before I got this program...in fact, while I was waiting for it to arrive, I had a relapse of those feelings from the past again and I sat there with sharp scissors to my wrist thinking if I could just push a little harder...it's a sick addiction in my mind.
That being said, I can NOT tell you enough how awed and amazed I am to read about your expereince and that of others with the same thing. I really thought I was just a freak with a serious mental problem that no one would ever understand...or if I told them about it, they would totally reject me. These boards are so awesome for overcoming that.
I hope your ONE DAY...today...shines brighter. And that your ONE DAY...tomorrow...is even better than that. You are not alone. God loves you and so do we.
BIG HUGS!
Blessings,
Dawn
God bless you - hang in there.
I stopped the black eye thing a while ago, but I can see it translating into my life in the way that I feel the need to be sick so that I can have the attention that I want. And we all know how attention goes - even bad attention is better than no attention. Sigh.
The week before I got this program...in fact, while I was waiting for it to arrive, I had a relapse of those feelings from the past again and I sat there with sharp scissors to my wrist thinking if I could just push a little harder...it's a sick addiction in my mind.
That being said, I can NOT tell you enough how awed and amazed I am to read about your expereince and that of others with the same thing. I really thought I was just a freak with a serious mental problem that no one would ever understand...or if I told them about it, they would totally reject me. These boards are so awesome for overcoming that.
I hope your ONE DAY...today...shines brighter. And that your ONE DAY...tomorrow...is even better than that. You are not alone. God loves you and so do we.
BIG HUGS!
Blessings,
Dawn