its not working at all

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:56 am

Dear; mmk22 Shouldnt I be seeing some real changes in myself by now?
it sounds like you are doing all the right things, but it has to be consistent if you are wanting to see a change in your husband, or your child, or your dogs, they haven't seen enough of the new you to be persuaded, this is going to last. If you are still yelling, still admonishing, instead of exhorting, they may not be convinced you have changed for long. You have named 6 stressors that would be too much for most of us.
You may need to drop something for a while. my daughter was getting stressed a few months ago, she just had to much to do, she dropped her masters class, she told her professor, even though she was getting A's she didn't feel she was learning because she had to much on her plate and it was stressing her, this course has taught her that life is worth living not just existing, her professor agreed with her. she will pick it up again when her life is easier, it ebbs and flows. I was so proud of her, she is doing so well since we took this course, and learned the tools for true happiness.
whats with the 1 step foreward, 5 steps back thing?
It is called growing pains, we all have them, and we will all our lives. learning how to live a balanced life is the key to surviving all the storms of life. We need to know who we are, we need to know we are loved, respected, and appreciated. With all you have going on, you can't float your love boat. you must speak peace to the winds and the waves. and throw over board, those unnesacarry things that are sinking our boat.
My mom was a yeller, Im a yeller. its making our baby stressed, and our dogs are stressed. 
There is a book "the 5 Languages of Love"{ even for children},so we can learn what the language of our loved ones are then we can fill their love tank and help them know they are loved, and everything is going to be OK in the midst of a Stress Storm like you are in just now.
Im on the anger session, thank God,
the Bible is full of stories that show us that growth comes in the midst of the Storms of life, How do people find the patients to deal with what life throws at them when they have no stability at all in their life? God's love can still the storms of life, Jesus gave us the power to speak peace to our storms, but without Love we have nothing. Ephesians tells us Women Honor your husband, it is so important, to fill his love tank all men need to feel honored, you must find something to appreciate about him every day, make a list of ways you can show him honor, Set aside the stresses of today, you married him because you loved him and appreciated something about him. I always give the bride to be at her shower, a journal and I tell her to keep a journal, write down everything about this man you like, every reason you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, because for the next 40 years you will have to read it over and over again, to get through the storms of life.
I should be able to take these things in stride
You must have more compassion for YOU, you are only human, we all walk the valleys of life, and we all stumble, that is why God sacrificed his son for our mistakes, that was enough, we don't need to beat ourselves up over these mistakes, we only need to pick our selves up, forgive ourselves, and start a new day, more determined to make a change for the better, one day at a time.
You are learning, so much in this course, all the tools, are important, and every one of them takes practice to make a real and lasting change, so that your first reaction, is automatically, peaceful, and powerful, so every one can gain understanding, and healing from your words. It sounds like yelling is a generational course, for you, but you can break it, your children, don't have to grow up hearing that, or doing that, it isn't genetic it is learned, and just as you learned it over years of hearing it, it will take a year of not yelling for your daughter to not do it.
Do not get discouraged in well doing! be encouraged in the small changes, you see every day, and build on them no matter what others are doing or saying, you can only control you! but they are watching, believe me your actions make a wold of diffrence, it is worth it I am 2 years out of this course, still haveing groing pains, but much easier to get through now, I can stand up for myself, with out yelling the tears still flow, but I can speak peace and understanding in my behalf, no more yelling, no more tantrums, and no more headaches.
I didn't find this class untill I had already raised my kids, but I got them on the program, and the next generation will not have the bad habits I learned, and they learned, because we are making that change now, and from now our behaivior is making life better and better in every way for us and for everyone around us.

"I am not wear I want to be, but I am not wear I used to be, I'm OK and I'm on my way" by Joyce Meyer. That statement helped me through out this program, and I pray it will help you too. Look for the smallest changes, they are there to give you Hope for that stable future you are praying for.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:01 am

luvpiggy - very nice letter to mmk

Mello Nello · Post by **Mello Nello** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:08 am

cfe - good letter to mmk.

Also, this helped me:

'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option'

Thanks!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:12 am

Dawn...that is EXACTLY what I was trying to say...thank you for re-iterating it. You put it much better than I did.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:18 pm

Alright..first off, I want to thank all of you for your wonderful heartfelt advice. Almost all of you. ShaSha, Prev31mom, MCgrace, thanks for just letting me vent and understanding that it is just venting. Tammy, I know what you're trying to say, but to be clear, I was just trying to say, give me advice without all the butterflies and life is great all the time stuff, but I think you got that. I do appreciate you taking the time to write all that to me. cfe, your idea on the journal was the best idea Ive heard in a long time. I promise to start that tonight because I do need reminders of why I fell in love with my husband to begin with.. he's a wonderful man, but its hard to see that when we arent seeing eye to eye and both he and I aren't being our shining best.
Luvpiggy, your right, yelling doesnt work, in fact, your all right, Im pretty clear on the fact that yelling doesnt work. I never liked it growing up, Im certain my family doesnt like it. I dont use the fact that my mother was a yeller as an excuse. I acknowledge it and dislike it and Im working on it. My mom was an alcoholic, she died when I was 12. I would give anything to hear her yell again, as silly as that sounds. But I dont think that my yelling is hereditary, I just think that I just know that in some ways its safe, because it never really hurt me. It was just, "oh moms flying off the handle again" I would like to be one of those women that takes everything in stride and never raises her voice. That was when I DO need to raise my voice, everyone will know I mean business.

Im getting there. Im becoming more and more aware of the behaviors that I have that I dont agree with and my frustration comes from the fact that I cant seem to find the strength to change these things as they're happening. I wrote this post this morning because I DO feel like Ive been making progress, then this morning happened and I just felt like crumbling because it seems like Im going backwards. Im sure you all have felt that way so I was hoping I could gain some insight into what you all have done to pull yourself out of these slumps that just seem to keep happening. And thankfully, you do understand and can see that Im venting and are there to help me see the bright side and know that it is just a bad day.
Which brings me to mainstaymama. Have you read all the other responses? You need to realize that people write these posts for support, not criticism. Not one other person responded with such an insulting tone, so please dont bother trying to offer anymore advice to me again. At least not until you learn why we are all here.

As for everyone else, thank you so much...you really help me to see the big picture and are helping me more than you'll ever know.
Marcy

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:44 pm

I think what you need most of all right now is hugs and unconditional love and acceptance. So, [[[[[[[[[Hugs]]]]]]]]]]]. Life can be very rough and it sounds like that's the way it is with your family right now. The negatives far outweigh the positives. Try and be as loving and accepting of yourself and your family as you can be. AS the tapes say, we tend to add internal stress from our own thinking to the external stress of our circumstances. Try and be as loving as you can to you so you don't add internal stress to an already stressful situation. One other suggestion would be to try and find something positive that you enjoy and spend some time on that daily or weekly to help counter balance all the other stuff going on in your life.

I dont want to have to say to him, "listen, your life will never get better until you change your negative attitude" I said that this morning and I got a door slammed in my face.

The truth is that if he decided to start loving himself and trying to improve his attitude things would be easier on him. He could handle stress better and have more emotional strength to deal with it. There are good positive, emotionally, and physically healthy reasons to try and have a good, balanced attitude under stress. It simply empowers you to stand up under it.

Glad you vented. Sometimes that's what we need.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:50 pm

Thank your Marcy; it sounds like you are having a better day now, I think we all know how much it helps to know some one else has been through this before, and made it through OK, and probably grew in the attempt, "what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" but we don't have to make all the same mistakes we have each other to learn from, and it is my pleasure to help when I can. You will make it! stronger and smarter, I can tell you are a winner your mind and heart is headed for victory, there will always be storms "Some times He calms the storm, and some times He calms His child.". We are all here to help one another. Do you have a church family? sometimes they are allot of help, I have a bible study group, I lean on.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 2:04 pm

if i could help in some way i would and if you read my profile it will help you some i am sure..i think that if others act kindly more often to you then throwing things in your face then it will make matters alot better.
we can not get better over night. it took me 60 years to finally get where i am now..
hang in there and know that you can over come it..never give in or give up..
take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS..
don
the tongue is the most powerful thing we have to use to help or hurt others...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 2:44 pm

Thanks for the hugs Don57, I need them! And you are absolutly right, venting is the best thing in the world. And the quote you wrote is a fabulous one by Walter D. Wintle, I carry it around every day with me. Theres actually quite a bit more, if your ever interested I can write it all down for you...
I am having a better day cfe, I got an apology from Kosta and all of this wonderful inspirational encouragement.
I'll be sure to read your profile Don, thanks for the response. I want so badly to be better as I get older, not worse. Im 23 now and I just cant wait for the day when I can say, remember how rediculus I used to be? Im so thankful that we as humans have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and grow with them, I just with I could be more consistent.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:47 am

mmk22,

I hope your Thursday is MUCH, much better! Venting is great and journaling was an even better idea. I hope you felt the love coming back to you from your post and the replies...the support in here is awesome and people really do care about you and your well-being.

You mentioned caring for your baby, school, going back to work, cheerleading your husband, etc. in your first post...that's a lot of positive steps forward...but remember they also all bring associated stress...which may feel like and/or bring some "backwards steps." That's ok too. Give yourself a break - you have a lot on you right now. You will get better - your desire to do so is obvious in your words...you just have to start believing that it will happen...and then the steps forward on that path will start to come a little bit easier.

We're all here for you. (((hugs)))

Blessings,
Dawn