red face and everyone laughs i want to cry...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:47 am

Hi Elizabeth,

I understand what you're going through. When all the attention is on me I freeze up sometimes and loose my train of thought because all these eyes are on me now! It's a self-esteem issue. In your childhood, you probably had no one "focus in" on you and build you up with encouragement so now in your adult life, it's awkward when it happens... and you revert back to that little child and think to yourself "why would anyone want to hear what I have to say... they never have before". BUT you are more than significant... you are beautifully and wonderfully made and are the center of God's eye. He knows every # of hair on your head, that's how important you are to God. I know what you mean when you say you are a clown... you make people laugh to get a smile and for them to like you. Me too. But it's always behind the scenes. God wants to teach you how to be yourself and make people laugh no matter who's watching. You can get there, just practice it day in and day out AND NEVER GIVE UP! No matter how grim a situation might be or how embarrassed you may have gotten, keep doing it.

I sent you a poem in a private message that touches on the "center of attention" struggle. I hope it helps you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 8:55 am

I used to have a HUGE problem with speaking in public, but after years of having to "fake it until you make it" - I'm fine with it now. You received some wonderful support and advice on here, but I just wanted to add one thing that helped me and may sometimes be able to help you. I used to stand in front of the mirror and rehearse questions that people might ask me - from "paper or plastic" (LOL) to "Do you have anything to add to this meeting" kind of things. At least that way I could (to a degree) have a response ready and practiced ahead of time so I didn't get caught so much off guard and so I didn't turn that lovely shade of red!

Of course you can't anticipate EVERY question, but it helps to practice so that you can feel comfortable with yourself and the words you choose to answer with.

And by the way - haven't you heard...RED is a hot fashion color - women with power wear it! LOL Be proud girl!

Blessings,
Dawn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:15 am

I wanted you all to know..I was taken away from my mom when i was 11 because she was going to kill me or i was going to do it first.. I moved in with my dad who has passed away. i have no living relatives, but i have a BEAUTIFUL daughter whi is now my world. Her dad left me for another when she was one, one month later my dad died. I have never felt so lost and alone since that moment. I have no family.And i have a lot of fear i am trying to get rid of. All this to say, this group has been nicer to me then anyone i have ever known my whole life and it makes me cry of joy... thank-you with all my heart.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 9:30 am

I am so sorry to hear about your life circumstances Elizabeth. I cannot even begin to say I understand as I have not experienced so much loss in my life. However, I can say I empathize with you. I too raised a child on my own for a period of time, but I did have parents to turn to. I couldn't have made it through that time without them. I have battled personal tragedies in my life and have made it through them all. I live by the motto "that which doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger," or and from the new Jesse McCartney song (yes, I am 32) the line "no stress, no stress, no stress, you derserve nothing but the best." You deserve the best as well. You are right. You have stumbled into a group of wonderful, supportive, understanding people. I have only been at this 4 weeks and they have helped me in so many ways already. If you ever need to reach out, I or they will be there. Take care of that little girl and yourself!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 02, 2008 1:30 pm

Abundant Living!! I'd love to read the poem you sent to Elizabeth. Could you e-mail it to me?? Thank you so much!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 5:43 am

Originally posted by MichiganMom:
Abundant Living!! I'd love to read the poem you sent to Elizabeth. Could you e-mail it to me?? Thank you so much!!!!

Not sure if you got this, if not here it is = )
For your eyes only... unless you know of someone else that is dealing with this

----------------------------

The Constant Contender

ever since you can remember
sorrow has been a constant contender
loved ones have died
at funerals, tears overflow your eyes
he was so young, he didn’t even get to live his life
he’s at eternal rest, but this terminal illness caused him much strife
in the midnight-hour on your knees you ask God...why?

ever since you can remember
sorrow has been a constant contender
you fell in love and gave him your heart
and from the start, you were a bit unsure but played the part
shortly after you gave it up to him, you discovered that the gentleman was a fake
family and friends say “I told you so” and now your reputation’s at stake
every time you see him you cut your eyes because you trusted him
but in reality the angers towards self because you realize it was lust and then…
in the mid-night hour with tears in your eyes
you’re back on your knees asking God… why?

ever since you can remember
sorrow has been a constant contender
your first day of class, the anxiety you try to mask
the teacher calls on you, but your brain freezes up until your face turns blue
the kids snicker as you hold back your tears
why do I do this, you wonder, as they continue to jeer
when you go home, you skip dinner and go straight to your room
try to sleep it off but your sorrow has you consumed
you drop to your knees as the tears stream from your eyes
looking up to the sky you persistently ask God...why?

ever since you can remember
sorrow has been a constant contender
SMACK! SCREAM! KICK! THUMP!
afterwards you comfort mommy, as you apply a wet rag to her lumps
on his 8th beer, daddy collapses in his easy chair, drunker than sin
in your rage you plot to kill that SOB if he lays his hands on her again
as she sleeps you gently hold her hand and silently pray
why God? why does she feel like she has to stay?

ever since you can remember
sorrow has been a constant contender
you came into college with your mind made up to succeed
now you’re selling your textbooks for cigarettes, ‘shrooms and weed
your roommate said “just try it...you won’t get hooked”
the devil is a liar because now you’re searching for loose change in every nook
now you’re doing cocaine and lost 15 pounds in one week
as you look into the mirror you don’t even recognize yourself and began to weep
how did I get here God, I only wanted to be accepted
why after all of this time do I still feel rejected?

ever since you can remember
sorrow has been a constant contender
but now you’re fed up with it and want no more to contend
you’ve concluded that the only way to find peace is for your life to end
with tears rolling down your cheeks and sleeping pills in hand
you hear an inner-voice softly say “My child, don’t give up, and above all stand!”
as your body collapses you weep uncontrollably and say
“Lord ...why so much sorrow...Lord why so much pain...”
The Lord softly answers and says “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7)
and you say, “but Lord I’m tired of always drudging through the bad weather”
then The Lord sayeth, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
right then you know it is time to put your faith to the test
as you kneel down you uttered these words with a repentant heart
“I need thee Lord Jesus, help me to make a brand new start...

...I NOW UNDERSTAND WHY SORROW MUST FLOW!
FOR WITHOUT IT THE SEEDS OF JOY WILL NOT SPROUT AND GROW!

I NOW UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS TRYING TO FIND FULFILLMENT IN DRUGS!
BUT NOTHING WILL EVER BE ABLE TO FILL THE HOLE IN MY SOUL THAT ONLY GOD CAN PLUG!

I NOW UNDERSTAND WHY YOU PUT ME IN THE MIDST OF ALL THAT DYSFUNCTION!
FOR I EXPERIENCED THE GRIEF FIRST HAND AND NOW I’M DETERMINED THAT MY FAMILY WILL LIVE IN CONJUNCTION!

I NOW UNDERSTAND WHY YOU PUT THE BURDEN OF ANXIETY ATTACKS ON MY SHOULDERS!
TO BECOME SENSITIVE TO OTHERS, THEN AFTER I MOVE MINE, I CAN HELP THEM MOVE THEIR BOULDER!

I NOW UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ALLOWED ME TO GET INVOLVED WITH THAT SNAKE!
SO I CAN CLEARLY SEE THEM IN THE GRASS NOW AND NO MORE WILL I GET BIT BY MISTAKE!

I NOW UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE DIE SO YOUNG!
FOR THEY HAVE SIMPLY COMPLETED THEIR PURPOSE AND HAVE GONE HOME TO BE EMBRACED BY THE SON!

SO THANK YOU LORD FOR HELPING ME FIGURE IT OUT, I WILL ALWAYS TURN TO YOUR HOLY WORD WHENEVER I HAVE A QUESTION OR IN DOUBT!

AbundantLiving © All Rights Reserved.

Yes you can. Stop being afraid of your capability.

Alayna · Post by **Alayna** » Mon Aug 04, 2008 3:39 pm

Just wanted to let you know, I know exactly how you feel! For as long as I can remember this is about the first thing that happens to me when I'm nervous. I get hives sometimes on my neck, and it's really embarrassing. And people always love to point it out, which never helps. Anyways I'm working on letting this all go and stop having insecurities about it. I hope you can do the same, you're not alone