veterans -help please

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:25 am

Thanks to all of you for your posts on this topic!!! It is so reassuring to read that others are going/have gone through the same things that I am.
You all just helped me to realize that my spurts of anxiety are related to my being overwhelmed with life issues right now. Plus I also get the hormonal induced anxiety as well. This is my second time through the program and I'm finally getting it. Thanks again for helping me figure this out. You've done more for me in this one post than a therapist did for me in 2 wasted sessions.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:49 am

Whoo Hoo- I got the last piece of the puzzle in the program and can now connect the dots. I'm happy!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Aug 13, 2008 12:15 pm

JennLP- So happy that these posts have helped you. What a great feeling that we are making some really good progress.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:50 am

The best thing I did on my journey to recovery was get in serious tune w/ me/my thought/feelings/emotions. Doing that allowed the pandora's box to my emotional self TO OPEN UP. I began to TRUST MYSELF - so that when I needed to find ans's, my ans's, I could then turn to myself. I could then get it all out = resolve/disolve & let go. I could make room for the good stuff.

For me, my 2NDARY GAIN was 2 FOLD:

1) I had abandonment issues fr childhood. So, even as unhealthy as things may have been - I held on tight, yes - often to all the wrong things, namely the past & all the negative emotions attached. I was afraid to Let go cause to me, something was better than nothing. The things I experienced "back then" were, in large part, the cause of my anxiety disorder - or the "under-lying" issues as to MY WHY'S. My realizing this was very instrumental to my recovery - cause long b/4 I could even begin to face & change myself (heck, long b/4 I even knew I desperately needed to) I needed to heal + unburden myself w/ the negative emotional burdens I'd been carrying for yrs + I needed the <span class="ev_code_RED">PAST'S</span> truths. I needed to realize it did happen & I needed someone else to know it did happen to me - sadly that, it was all true = I needed validation + I can't change it(though I fantasized about doing so for many yrssssssssssss) + it did scare me & hurt me - then feel those things + it wasn't my fault. This created the necessary degree of separation I needed b/w the past & me, the WOMAN LENORE. I needed to heal myself, b/4 I could change myself.

2) I had very deep seeded low self esteem issues. I held on to my anxiety, often pointing the finger at him/her/they/them so I didn't have to face myself. I didn't have to take self accountability or responsibility for my life/my actions/ my emotional state. Why? Hell, I didn't think I had what it takes - I so doubted myself in all ways - it was just easier blaming or remaing the FOREVER VICTIM. Me LETTING GO of the past & healing, me CHOOSING TO, meant I was ready to face myself & take responsibility - to learn to trust myself. It meant I was ready for my emotional independance - I was ready to GROW UP. I was ready to CHANGE - emotionally ready. It was THEN, that I truly began to heal/recover fr anxiety disorder. I had always been so darn emotionally dependant on anyone willing to give me the time of day - I assumed it. Changing that for me meant TRUE RECOVERY fr the worst of anxiety disorder. I wanted to FEEL BETTER.

LENORE

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 3:51 am

Lenore - Thanks a bunch for your input. Always helpful and always inspirational!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:08 am

Lenore,
You are such an amazing person!!!
You really have insipred many people including myself.

I still struggle with my secondary gains too.
I am doing the program for a thrid time now and am on session 5. But... from doing the program before, I always got stuck on session 12.

I so think though that I may have an inkling here.

Ever since I was a little girl, I always needed my Mom to feel safe. If I was scared, I went ot mom, if I was upset, I went to Mom, if I felt down, I went to mom.

When I developed stomach problems when I was 8 years old or so, I wanted my Mom to tell me that I would NOT throw up.
This is when my anxiety shot through the roof, however at that time I didn't know that's what "it" was.

Now, as an adult,25 years old, i still sometimes struglle with wanting her to tell me i will be ok, or I am normal, or whatever it may be that I am obsessing about.

I have come SO far with this though.
I just bought my first car two days ago, all by myself!
My bf helped me find it of course, but I signed all the papers and that by myself. it was very empowering!

So, all in all, I think my secondary gains are that I don't have to make myself feel better, someone else can as long as I am anxious.

That's pretty hard to admit, especially now seeing it in writing but that is definitely where it all stems from!

Wow!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:17 am

Ld26angell - Thanks for your input. A lot of people have problems with this concept and think that this particular session can be a real breakthrough for a lot of people when they feel they really 'get it.' I know it was for me.