:p 
I just turned 40 on 8/15. I made a deliberate decision to be HAPPY & to CELEBRATE. I had just come out of the hardest 3 1/2 yrs of my entire life - BIG TIME. In that time, I faced/felt/dealt w/ some of the most difficult/painful things 1 can fathom possible in therapy. In addition, I experienced the worst of anxiety disorder & then depression. Finally, I faced MYSELF - lol, what a dooooooooosy, lol(joking). In their totality, it was not easy. HOWEVER & BUT(yep, there's a but): <span class="ev_code_RED">I've come out on the OTHER SIDE - I've recovered fr anxiety disorder + I am recovering fr the depression = I am now on the lowest dosage possible w/ the medication & soon will be off it completely(as is my personal goal) + I've come out of this process, having faced what I needed to W/O A HARDENED HEART = I am not angry/bitter/resentful - I believe in LIFE/LOVE/FAMILY/FRIENDS & MYSELF IN SPITE OF "THE FACTS" + "THE PROCESS" + "WHAT ANXIETY DISORDER & DEPRESSION" TRIED TO THROW @ ME. I have changed my dietary intake, established a consistant exercise regime & have lost 70lbs thus far(1.6 more to go, lol) - THAT IS WAY COOL W/ MY TURNING 40, LOL.</span>
I suppose I realized I just finished spending the past 3 1/2 yrs being filled w/ pain/sadness - I didn't like it obviously. I wanted more for myself - I decided I was deserving & entitled to a life of happiness = I was ready to leave that behind. I DID IT FOR ME. On the morning of my bday, I got up b/4 my husband. I had my traditional 1 cup of coffee & sat by myself - w/ some music on. IN that EXACT moment, I literally thought "how am I gonna choose to address/feel about this day & my turning 40?" I replied to myself, lol(you can say it, I am crazy, lol hahahahah) "I want to celebrate where I am + how far I've come + focus on what I do have opposed to what I don't + the love I am blessed w/ by those in my life & the wonderful people I have met in the anxiety disorder world + the love I have for myself + the love I have fr our God." So, while sitting there early in the morning, w/ my hot cup of coffee, music playing, feeling calm/cool/collected/relaxed/@ peace, I compiled a list of apprx 10+ things I am greatful for.
Yes, there were many bdays in yrs gone by(all prior to anxiety disorder triggering & my having to take this journey) where my expectations of myself & particularly OTHERS were EXTREMELY DISTORTED - therefore, something/anything was never enough, for 1 reason or another. I set myself up for disappointment - I just didn't realize it. The GOOD THING IS, this "JOURNEY" allowed me to see that. Now, I know better - I can do better = I can choose how I choose to react/feel. I know it sounds corney kind of, but honest engine - that morning I knew I deserved happiness + love + peace - not looking back on the past anymore but rather, looking @ right here & now. Things for me could have been so much different, the facts of my past & the level of my anxiety disorder told me that - that is why I celebrate. I am blessed.
Lucinda was right(again, lol) when she said we choose how we want to react & feel w/ many things. RAKER, don't let that 1 negative friend or any other negative person mess w/ your positive vibe - let them stay miserable. Rather, you be happy for you. Surround yourself w/ positive people + focus on what you do have, NOT what you don't - celebrate the wonderful person you are - do it for you.
Your friend,
LENORE
<img src="http://i521.photobucket.com/albums/w334 ... rthday.jpg">
