getting out the 1st time

Shifrah · Post by **Shifrah** » Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:35 pm

Hi Nana,

One thing you will learn through the program is that you are not responsible for others' happiness. I'm actually reading this in The Happiness Makeover by M.J. Ryan at the moment.

The very best thing you can do right now - cut any emotional ties with the 21 years old, meaning let her fix herself. And do very little to emotionally help the others. I know that sounds a little cruel, but they need to learn to "fix" themselves. There is nothing wrong with counseling or guiding them if they ask, but don't be an enabler!

Of course they are going to blame you, as most of us blame our parents throughout time, but that only gets us so far doesn't it.

You can also have a family meeting and tell the girls there will be no yelling in the house. You say it in a calm but stern manner and they will listen to you.

You can let the 21 year old know that if she disrespects you under your own roof, she can find her own house. Don't let her finagle her disorder to you trying to gain sympathy, you'd be really surprised how quickly she'll get over her issues - if you were gone she'd really have to buck up if she was on her own completely.

This really is the best thing you can do for them. Supporting their habits will backfire on them and they'll never be emotionally or financially independent if you continue to allow them to have their way with you.

I know this probably sounds harsh but it would be a blessing for them, seriously.

Nanaof4 · Post by **Nanaof4** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:21 am

Hi Shif,
Thanks for all the very good advice. I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately the judge ordered that the kids be here, but gave her custody. She(judge)felt that after several bad decisions concerning the babies that my daughter could not be on her own with them. I have discussed with my husband going back to court and asking the judge to release us from the order but I am so afraid for the babies. She neglects them here, what will happen when my daughter has no one watching her?

jillzmind · Post by **jillzmind** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 7:24 am

Nana
you are in a pinch. I will keep you and the whole situation in my prayers. Take good care
of yourself.

Nanaof4 · Post by **Nanaof4** » Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:33 am

Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers.

I was just telling my hubby that I have been through so much and that even though it has been hard Gods angels have always kept me safe. They have watched over my family and made sure that the things that were important were always taken care of.
I am working very hard to stay positive and keep moving foward with my own recovery and hope that they will benefit from it. My husband is so much happier now that he does not have to hear me cry from sadness and fear. I did not know how torn up he has been over it until now. I am really blessed to have him.
So this morning I went for a ride on my Harley( my 3rd since I started the program)and this afternnon I went up to town(yes Im a country girl)and went to 3 stores and shopped without any panic and anxiety so small it was hardly noticable. Soon I am going to get out on my own. small steps , just around the block and adding a little more on as I go. I cant believe how powerful our minds are! 1st we convince ourselves that the fear is real and then we can re program ourselves that it isnt!

Nana

Nanaof4 · Post by **Nanaof4** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:47 am

Something fantastic happened today! I was out riding and not only did I not have any anxiety but I didnt think of home or my husband as my safe place. I was my safe place!!!! I had the complete feeling of independence.

fixme · Post by **fixme** » Mon Jul 13, 2009 2:36 pm

congrats, it will keep getting better.

Tofte · Post by **Tofte** » Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:15 pm

wow, you are doing so great.......and a harley girl, lucky you. I have only experienced it from the back seat but love it. You are blessed to have a loving and supportive husband, that is priceless.

Nanaof4 · Post by **Nanaof4** » Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:58 am

I am lucky and blessed! These past few weeks have been amazing. We really can re program our thinking and I have learned not to set myself up for failure. I know now that it wont be long before I will be doing anything I want without even thinking about anxiety.

This weekend we are going for a real ride. I think maybe to the mountains. Its not far, about 45 miles each way. I love it there and it is great on the bike. I hope you all are doing well.
Nana

Nanaof4 · Post by **Nanaof4** » Sat Jul 18, 2009 2:24 am

I have been spending time reading peoples stories and am amazed how many of us there are and how many ways anxiety can attack us. I cant help but wonder if people 200 or 400 yrs ago suffered like this. I dont think they did. The stress and tention we live with in modern day is not how we were meant to live. I own a farm and work with animals and I do organic farming so I am a bit closer to nature than a lot of you and I wonder how much worse it would have been for me if I lived in the city and did not have the wonder of nature at my back door. I think it would have been a lot worse because I love to hear the birds and look up at the stars at night and walk in my woods. The sky is so clear here it always amazes me to look up at night. We have a lot of wild animals that come up on the property and its fun to observe them. We have binoculars and cameras so we see a lot of action. So Im thinking that it would help a lot of you to get out into nature, slow down and smell the air and listen to the birds sing.
Get closer to mother nature, its a natural cure to what ails us.

Nana

forever young 06 · Post by **forever young 06** » Sat Jul 18, 2009 4:22 am

nanaof4,
I am amazed at you, I went back to the beginning of this thread and read where you couldn't leave your house with your husband for three months.I have never been totally house bound but very area bound in a very small circle I lost a very dear friend to cancer this week and couldn't go to her veiwing or funeral it was 50 miles away on an intestate, I live in the country and thought it was a hender wished I lived in town or the city I have the program and have not fully devoted myself you really are an encouragment keep up the good work and keep posting it is very helpful this is what we need to hear