I felt i needed to come to this site and write down how i am feeling because i have no one who will understand how i am feeling and i feel so alone.. i feel like no body can help everybody is mad at me for not going with them somewhere because i am scared and they keep telling me they can do this then change plans or lie about the whole thing i've been lied to for the 4th time this week and it keeps bothering me im so angry i got so angry i HATED them i hate them so much for doing this to me and they keep saying that "its your fault its your fault for not going out you need to do this or that" but its not so easy.. they dont understand how i feel and when i try to tell them they say stuff against my words and put me down like they know what is right.. i can't deal wtih it my parents have beend oing this to me since forever.. and they can't help my anxiety tehy keep making it worse and right now after beign angry i told them but they didn t listen and i am here my body feels so weak my head hurts i feel so weakk i can't stop crying idk what i have to do for someone to understand the way i feel i want it to stop i keep praying to god for the feelings to stop i m sorry if i am afraid to go out but they sholdnt be mean to me and keep pushing me saying that i should its my fault the reason why is that im stuck in this house with no job but I CANT GET OUT im scared and everyone makes me angry i hate them they wont listen !!! the only thing i had was my cat he never yelled at me he was there for me to hug im scared to hug my parents because i do nt even know why i just cant hug them ... my father is very sarcastic and calls me stupid and fat and jokes around too much and it hurts my feelings even though he doesnt do it but when i got all upset the only person i could hug was my cat he was there for me now the only thing i had to hold onto is dead he died on new years and since then everything has gotten worse.. i feel alone lik ei have noone all my freinds are gone i lost my best freind since she lied to me all my freins are online and its just a few i feel so alone im afraid of even people because they would lie to me or make fun of me or hurt me in some way or be likemy parents are and its hard to besoemones freind for them not to judge you or bash you.I feel like im going to pass out or its going to get worse... I am scared of everything because i dont know where to go im so afraid and alone idk what to do im just going to s it here in my room and cry and pray to god to help.
I FEEL LIKE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE IM SHAKING ALOT !! IM SCARED...EVERYTHING FEELS NUMB.. MY FATHER CAEM IN THE DOOR A FEW MINUTES AND BUGGED ME ABOUT GOING TO THIS SHOP AND HE WONT STOP HES BEGGING ME TO GO MAKING IT WORSE THIS PLACE WHERE I HAD THE RECK THE SAME PLACE ITS HARD FOR ME AND HE WONT STOP NO ONE WILL LEAVE ME ALONE !!! IM SCARED I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I CANT CONTROL MY FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS!! ... my arm and leg feels numb my throat is tight .. im scared they keep pushign me ... they wont stop.
GOD HELP ME
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OmahaIsBeautiful
- Posts: 10
- Joined: Sat May 30, 2009 8:01 pm
Hi Lostgirl!
First, take a very deep breath, hold it for a second, and then slowly let it out. It sounds like you're having a panic attack right now. You will not pass out, and although it's not easy to get through, it WILL pass.
Thank you for sharing all of your fears and concerns. Do you feel any better for having written them all out? I find that writing down any angry or frightened feelings that I have is a great way to release them. I hope that just putting all of your emotions into words has helped you, even if it's just a little bit helpful.
I'm sorry about your cat. Do you have any stuffed animals you can hug? I know they could never take the place of a living being that loves you, but at least they could give you something to hold onto physically while you're feeling so distressed.
You're going to get through these feelings. You're going to be okay. It may take some time, and anxiety is not something that is going to disappear altogether, but this moment will pass. (I apologize if it seems like I'm just repeating trite phrases, but I know it really helps me to remember that my anxiety attacks are only temporary and that sooner or later I will feel calmer and more in control.)
I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way!!
First, take a very deep breath, hold it for a second, and then slowly let it out. It sounds like you're having a panic attack right now. You will not pass out, and although it's not easy to get through, it WILL pass.
Thank you for sharing all of your fears and concerns. Do you feel any better for having written them all out? I find that writing down any angry or frightened feelings that I have is a great way to release them. I hope that just putting all of your emotions into words has helped you, even if it's just a little bit helpful.
I'm sorry about your cat. Do you have any stuffed animals you can hug? I know they could never take the place of a living being that loves you, but at least they could give you something to hold onto physically while you're feeling so distressed.
You're going to get through these feelings. You're going to be okay. It may take some time, and anxiety is not something that is going to disappear altogether, but this moment will pass. (I apologize if it seems like I'm just repeating trite phrases, but I know it really helps me to remember that my anxiety attacks are only temporary and that sooner or later I will feel calmer and more in control.)
I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way!!
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Butterfly22
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:38 am
Hi XLostgirlX, Butterfly22 here,I read some of what you had written, and believe/KNOW that I have definitely been there, especially a couple weeks ago, I was physically sick and a basket case, but it was because for the first time in my life, I looked back on my whole life and realized I had not dealt with the triggers or trauma I experienced at a very young age, so I started having full blown symptoms like never before.
I believe it is because after reading Lucinda's book and some materials I started to see part of where all these terrible feelings came from and for the first time in my life I experienced anger, and all the symptoms, my sisters were glad because I was finally getting it all out. So now some few days later, I have stopped blaming myself and beating myself up for things out of my control and realizing that it's healthy to become my own best friend.
I felt like I was spinning out of control with anxiety, fuzzy feelings and confusion. But now I realize the reason I was making bad decisions was because I didn't relax, the mistakes I made were when I wasn't thinking clearly because of enormous anxiety and racing thoughts. I'm not far into the program, but am feeling calm and feeling comfortable just being me and being kind to myself and accepting.
I think you may be not relaxing enough to slow down and say, "Forget about everybody else and what they care, but what things really make me uniquely happy and bring joy. That's all you should concern yourself with is taking care of yourself, doing what you really want to do and taking the negative dialogue out that tells you you can't handle this or that. There's a lot I could say, so I hope what I chose to say here helps, because I have felt the way you describe and I know it's painful.
One thing that makes a huge difference was changing subconscious negative thoughts I had in my head like being perfect (despite having a rich spiritual life), expecting others and the world to be perfect, and then I could just relax and go with the imperfection and make mistakes in order to learn - it's no longer the end of the world to make mistakes or be less than perfect.
Good luck to you -please hang in there because you are NOT alone in the feelings you describe.
I believe it is because after reading Lucinda's book and some materials I started to see part of where all these terrible feelings came from and for the first time in my life I experienced anger, and all the symptoms, my sisters were glad because I was finally getting it all out. So now some few days later, I have stopped blaming myself and beating myself up for things out of my control and realizing that it's healthy to become my own best friend.
I felt like I was spinning out of control with anxiety, fuzzy feelings and confusion. But now I realize the reason I was making bad decisions was because I didn't relax, the mistakes I made were when I wasn't thinking clearly because of enormous anxiety and racing thoughts. I'm not far into the program, but am feeling calm and feeling comfortable just being me and being kind to myself and accepting.
I think you may be not relaxing enough to slow down and say, "Forget about everybody else and what they care, but what things really make me uniquely happy and bring joy. That's all you should concern yourself with is taking care of yourself, doing what you really want to do and taking the negative dialogue out that tells you you can't handle this or that. There's a lot I could say, so I hope what I chose to say here helps, because I have felt the way you describe and I know it's painful.
One thing that makes a huge difference was changing subconscious negative thoughts I had in my head like being perfect (despite having a rich spiritual life), expecting others and the world to be perfect, and then I could just relax and go with the imperfection and make mistakes in order to learn - it's no longer the end of the world to make mistakes or be less than perfect.
Good luck to you -please hang in there because you are NOT alone in the feelings you describe.
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Butterfly22
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:38 am
XLostgirlX,
Butterfly22 here again. You mentioned why can't I get out of the house to do my work? Possibly the work you're doing is not suited for you and so it makes you feel worse because maybe you're a perfectionist like me because you want to do a good job. I am just now transitioning a little in my career and starting a job at the beginning of August because the work I've done for years is agitating the problem.
That's probably because it's time for me to try other things, so I'm happy about the situation. I would still like to work in some areas I like in my original career, but other areas of it are taking a toll on me and I have to recognize it's not good for me now because it has a negative aspect that hurts me so it's not worth it to keep doing this with the affect it has on me. I don't know if you need to look around for something you would be at home in working at if that would make a difference, but I know that I am making some changes. I just hope this helps.
Butterfly22 here again. You mentioned why can't I get out of the house to do my work? Possibly the work you're doing is not suited for you and so it makes you feel worse because maybe you're a perfectionist like me because you want to do a good job. I am just now transitioning a little in my career and starting a job at the beginning of August because the work I've done for years is agitating the problem.
That's probably because it's time for me to try other things, so I'm happy about the situation. I would still like to work in some areas I like in my original career, but other areas of it are taking a toll on me and I have to recognize it's not good for me now because it has a negative aspect that hurts me so it's not worth it to keep doing this with the affect it has on me. I don't know if you need to look around for something you would be at home in working at if that would make a difference, but I know that I am making some changes. I just hope this helps.