Fearing success

pinkeetoz · Post by **pinkeetoz** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 8:43 am

I fear success. I catch myself, even in house chores, wanting to stop right before I am completely done. Why is that?

I am also really discouraged right now because I had started to not have anymore panic attacks after the second or third week into the program. I am now on session 14 and for the last 2 weeks I have been so very anxious again, having trouble sleeping, can't find peace. Can anyone that's completed the program throw me out a life raft and share your thoughts please, pinkee

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:29 am

Hi pinkeetoz,

Well I completed the program in December and have been free of panic/anxiety attacks and have had no depression so far at all. I am wondering if there is anything you are eating or drinking or something you have altered at all prior to feeling this way again.
Has anything at all happened within your life or is it possible that you are affraid to feel better. That is so common with any kind of health issue be it physical or emotional. Only you can try to pinpoint even the smallest change. Read over your journal to see if it's gone backwards instead of forward with your thought processes, positive comments, what you are telling yourself daily and see if anything is pointing south. I hope you can find an answer as it's so amazing to feel inner peace and be smiling and laughing rather than crying and feeling crappy.

Sending you many healing hugs and good wishes.

Take care!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 12:57 pm

It may be resistance surfacing. Even though we want to change, and even though we don't want to be like we were before, resistance to change may still come up. I had to work really hard on allowing myself to change because it felt so uncomfortable and foreign to me. It sounds very strange to say we may have a fear of feeling better, but it happens. I had to repeatedly tell myself that it was ok to be without the anxiety and that it was ok to feel good. Montysmom had a good idea about reading over your journal. There may be things you are telling yourself that are causing the recent anxiety. Have you been reviewing session 3 while completing the rest of the program? You may want to re do session 12 on secondary gains, as there may be some payoffs from having this anxiety that you are not yet willing to let go of. I wouldn't get too upset over this, as we have all had setbacks and detours along the way. It doesn't seem to be a straight line and does zigzag a bit.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 1:05 pm

I do have a physcial problem that I am really concerned about and will be seeing a specialist about it next week.

I do have a child that will be coming home next month after being away at a behavior modification school for the last 18 months.

Of course, when I think about either of those two things, they are pretty big and it would cause anyone to be uneasy. How did I let the anxiety get so extreme????? Will I make it back through? How do I do it? pinkee

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 1:38 pm

Let me first say I am not an expert. I can relate though. I think as much I fear what I have gone through. I have become comfortable with it. Not relaxed about it. But I fear change. And this is a change. A very good change but a change. I have had some challenging things in my life and now that things are getting a little better it is as if I am warning myself still to "be careful, watch out, things couldn’t be this good for me" Deep down I know I deserve this and so does my son but it is still hard to grasp. We will always have ups and downs and challenges in life. We just need to learn how to handle them. Personally if I wake up and am just having one of those days. I have to tell myself that it is okay to be down. EVERYONE has them.
I really hope your son is okay and wish you the best. Anyone in your situation would be stressed with or without an anxiety disorder.
Also I am sure you are not the only one who has fear when things are getting better. I have all my stock licenses and for some reason wont go for the job I deserve for fear of failure or the overwhelming pressure of the job. I am working on that right now.
I just want you to know that you are not alone in this and that you will get better. I will say a prayer for what you are going through medically to!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 2:03 pm

Originally posted by pinkeetoz:
I do have a physcial problem that I am really concerned about and will be seeing a specialist about it next week.

I do have a child that will be coming home next month after being away at a behavior modification school for the last 18 months.

Of course, when I think about either of those two things, they are pretty big and it would cause anyone to be uneasy. How did I let the anxiety get so extreme????? Will I make it back through? How do I do it? pinkee

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate so feeling anxious right now is something that has a valid reason. Don't be hard on yourself and keep all your thoughts in your journal and use the relaxation cd's as many times a day as you can right now. If you can remember how much better you were feeling then draw from that and try to fill your brain with all those positives. I know you can do this. I believe in your strength and you as a person.

Remember that worrying is negative energy and is sending that info to your brain causing all the chemicals being released.
Worry never changes the outcome of anything. It simply causes stress, anxiety, depression and illnesses.

I've been through 5 months of severe pain and just was diagnosed 2 weeks ago. I was very lucky that I didn't worry about what was going on but I drew from the skills I learned throughout the program. I hope you to can use your skills and get off the worry treadmill again.

Sending you many hugs that all goes wonderfully for you.

God Bless!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Feb 12, 2009 5:42 pm

I am right there with you....I love the fact that you are catching yourself setting yourself up for failure....now you can push through it.

I do self talk when I catch myself in negative behavior. I force myself to move forward...I say,"ok Michelle you know your trying to make yourself late so you will not have to go out at all." I give myself a time limit and go...I also do this with tasks around the house or school. It may sound cheesey but it works...and it does get easier.

I also agree you have sooooo much on your plate. Do you have a good support system. That helped me once I admitted my issues to others. I will be thinking of you.

Destiny123 · Post by **Destiny123** » Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:10 am

Thank you so much for the support, pinkee