Why do we go back to the same fears over and over?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 31, 2009 1:42 pm

I worry about my husband too. But, he's stuck with me now for 21 years, and I've had some of this off and on that whole time. . . so it must not bother him THAT much. LOL

In fact recently I said something about "I hope my daughter doesn't end up like me" and my husband said "it's not all bad. . . there are good parts of the way your personality is that make you really good at your work. That made me feel good.

But yeah, sometimes I think he gets a little annoyed. But then. . . I get annoyed that he has ADD and forgets to put stuff away and loses things all the time too. Doesn't mean I'm going anywhere. We just put up with each others' quirks.

I was thinking tonight that I hoped I didn't have a panic attack again tonight when I try to go to sleep like last night. Then I remembered. Once I have the really bad one, and if I get back to feeling clear headed for awhile. . . which I did today. . . then I don't tend to have another one. It's when I have periods where I'm totally anxious and can't get a clear thought that I'm more inclined to have more and more and have it escalate.

The good thing is that even though I have these repeating themes, it seems to take less time to get it back "together" each time, and that's good news.

The hard part is believing it with all of my being and recovering

This is exactly true. . . for me though I have come to accept that I probably never will be COMPLETELY free of this. I just learn how to take care of myself when I have a bad day and not let it turn into a bad week, month, year!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:47 am

Faith_TX

Ok so the examples you gave to me were mostly about antidepressants. The first example was about what meds? And was that person on other meds that could have been conflicting each other?

I do not blame you for being afraid of antidepressants, I'm afraid of them too. I had only tried taking Paxil and that gave me sexual side effects that scared the crap outta me.

Alright so Antidepressants have a potential risk and from all the experiences from other people, I'd say this is pretty reasonable to feel this way about those. These meds are based on the nervous and hormone systems.

How about cold medication? When was the last time you heard of someone having dramatic effects with that? Or Vitamines?

Mike

jjohnson · Post by **jjohnson** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:08 am

I FEEL THE SAME WAY THAT YOU ALL DO...I FEEL LIKE THIS ATACK IS DIFFEREDT AND I AM NOT GOING TO GET THREW THIS ONE..AND I AM SCARD THAT I AM GOING TO GO CRAZY...AND BE LOCKED UP.....WELL THEN I DO FEEL GOOD AFTER A FEW DAYS....AND IF I SEE OR HEAR THINGS THAT R NEGATIVE IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO JUST LOSE MY MINE...DO ANYONE EVER FEEL LIKE THAT...LET ME NO...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:51 am

I think you're overcomplicating everything by trying to figure it out. (I find myself doing the same sometimes)
This is going to take a lot of repetition. You have proven to yourself that there's nothing to fear with these thoughts when the next day you see how silly it was.
Where do they go?
How do they end?
They go nowhere. There's nothing there waiting for you; no danger. There's nothing to fear.
The more you can welcome in those terribly uncomfortable feelings that the thought of "going crazy" make you feel, the more quickly you'll realize there's no danger. Then, the intensity will start to lessen. This will take longer than you'd like, but trying to figure out "why" we're still so affected does no good.
Hope that helps.

Bakedpears · Post by **Bakedpears** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:23 am

Originally posted by NinjaFrodo:
Faith_TX
I do not blame you for being afraid of antidepressants, I'm afraid of them too.

How about cold medication? When was the last time you heard of someone having dramatic effects with that? Or Vitamines?

Mike

Yes my main concern is for antidepressants. . .however one example I gave is for pain meds (the spiders). . .the other is for Tamiflu (the devil).

So, pretty much everything worries me some. I do take vitamins, but I'm very selective. A few days ago I accidentally took my DH's vitamin instead of mine and I was so worried about it. I considered making myself throw up. But I didn't die or go crazy.

If I have a cold I very very rarely take medication because it makes my heart race. I don't like that feeling. The last time I took something was a cough medicine at night before bed, and I took something that is meant for kids, so I wouldn't have too much. One time many years ago my husband gave me cold medicine and gave me 2TB instead of 2TS by mistake, and it was like I was really out of it. I hear teenagers sometimes take high doses of cold medicine to hallucinate.

The thing is you never know how your body will react to any drug. My cousin has the same problem. She's very sensitive to medication and always starts out with 1/2 dose just to make sure nothing strange happens.

I really made a big jump when I got myself to take the birth control pills. I was so worried they'd do something horrible to me. Hormones are strong things! Well, I survived that and so that was a relief, but now 4 months later I'm feeling so tired all the time I'm blaming it on the pill . . . go figure

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 6:30 am

This is so true. I have been going thru this for the past two weeks off and on. I have been reading more into the thoughts than I should.I know all about the thoughts and that it's just anxiety but I always scare myself over and over with the thoughts, even though the thoughts are lies.. Then I go back and think about the thoughts later and laugh and wonder why I thought that and how silly it was..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:02 am

Hey love31,
I don't know. I'm going through the same thing. I resigned from my first teaching position (the principal didn't want me there, this is not a read in, she suggested that I resign) and have been scared to apply for others. I had been substituting, but the job situation here is so bad in education that I have recently begun working for a temp agency. I saw some long-term sub jobs on the hotline and applied for 2. I am very anxious over the fact that I might be called, even though there were 100 applicants for the last position I put in for and I didn't get a call an interview. I am afraid that I wasted my time going back to school for something I'm not suited for, afraid that I won't get a job teaching, and afraid I will get a job and then lose it again. I had been an instructional assistant for 9 years, graduated magna cum laude and received an exemplary in my senior internship and loved it, so I thought I would be a great teacher. My first teaching position was so isolating and the school climate so different from the school where I had been working that I was anxious from the start and my fear of failure became a self fulfilling prophecy. I'm on session 4 and hoped I would be past this, but I'm not.

I'm actually enjoying working in an office, but have anxiety over finding a permanent office job because of my lack of experience in the field. Any advice out there?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:37 am

kittylover - have you considered applying at a private school? If you're in elementary education, private schools are generally a lot smaller than public schools. This allows for more support and cameraderie from the staff. Also, private schools are often more in need of subs than public schools, 'cause they can't pay as much for substitutes as public schools can, so teachers don't apply with them.

If you loved it when you were interning, I'm sure you'll be a great teacher!

Shubert

"Live simply, that others may simply live." Gandhi

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:50 am

it's so annoying. i do it over and over. i think "how does a person with anxiety know when they are really having a heart attack?" and come up empty of a good answer. i guess this is where trust and acceptance comes in, but my over analyzer self just can't let it go. ugh.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:38 am

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Shubert!!

I changed my resume slightly to adapt and am going to apply at the preschool/kindergarten at my church. They don't have openings now, but maybe for the 2009/2010 school year. For now, I'll keep working for Kelly Temporary Services and substituting. I'm learning new software skills through Kelly and have been accepted for qualifying to score state tests for CTB/McGraw Hill. I'm not sure how to go about applying at other private schools, maybe at careerbuilder.com or something like that. Anyway, thanks again for the input.
kittylover