Dear Diary

[tina martin]

This is so wonderful, J. You are correct about the attempt in the past. I remember it. Yes, it is about leaving our cares at the door and leaving them there as we leave. Yes, yes, the beauty in us and those around us. We can discuss any position if you like. Nothing needs to be perfect. No problems with my legs: they and the torso are short, ha ha.

My daughter, who introduced me to it, took her first yoga lessons in a Buddhist temple. The awareness of our spine struck me right away and never left me. Also the focus on breathing. Balance comes into play too. So happy for you, Good Night, Love..........T

PS. Just see your link. Will check it out. Let's hope she is a better teacher than I am. I'm sure she is. I know yoga fairly well, am actually certified to teach. Substituted in one class, a woman walked out, and that was the end of it. Can smile about it now.

[CurbsideProphet]

Jerry Seinfeld did a bit during his show where he says, “According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

The reason I bring this up is because I believe it's true, at least in my case. I can't think of anything I'd prefer to do less than speak in public. Well this past weekend I got married and of course had to do a thank you speech to the room. Ugh.

I had written down a lot of what I wanted to say but when it came time to do the speech I thought, "You know what, lets just do this from the heart." Yes, I was anxious but I told myself that I'm surrounded by friends and family, the people who care the most about me. At that moment, I was grateful and humble all at the same time and I think those emotions really pushed the anxiety to the side.

To my surprise as I walked the room later in the night everyone was commenting on what a great speech I gave. Heartwarming was one of the words I recall.

As I look back on the night and my battle with anxiety in general, it's a very self-centered condition. What will people think of me? Did I do a good job? Am I going to embarass myself? Everything is centered around you. I think when you let that go, it opens yourself to feeling other emotions. Taking the focus off yourself and more importantly what you perceive others will think of you (often erroneously) really eases the anxiety.

Public speaking still isn't my cup of tea but I'm glad I didn't shy away from it. As the program says, facing your fears with the tools needed to overcome them is the key. This was a nice little step in the right direction.

[Loveslife]

".......What will people think of me? Did I do a good job? Am I going to embarass myself? Everything is centered around you. I think when you let that go, it opens yourself to feeling other emotions. Taking the focus off yourself and more importantly what you perceive others will think of you (often erroneously) really eases the anxiety. ...."

Very, very wise words, Prophet.

It's strange, because I just came back from Yoga class, where the focus is ALL on you. Only you, (me, in this case), but also about forgiveness and love for oneself.

So, it is an interesting sort of dichotomy.

And, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MARRIAGE. Thank you for sharing part of your day with us.
XO
J.
PS
I can't move, I'm so sore, so into the bath I go, with lavender bath salts.

[tina martin]

This is an interesting paradox. I agree that there can be insecurity and too much focus on the self in anxiety something we don't want, yet we do want to strengthen self image which can be a goal of yoga. We want a strong self that is self confident, that is not ruled by what others think, or believe, or judge. It's what yoga (and other exercise) can strive to do. The mind body connection.

J, I hope it is not yoga sending you home in pain. That, it seems, could be too much of a good thing.

[Loveslife]

Dear Diary,

Today was a great day. I had a great session with my psychiatrist and we spent much of the time practicing healthy assertiveness is a sort of role play. I have a fear of anger, but there is a healthy and constructive way to be assertive.
I'm learning that now.

AND.......

I had the very best Yoga class tonight. My first yoga class out of 3 where I wasn't in pain. I love this instructor and it's called
restorative yoga. I'm hooked.

AND........

We are busy working with the accountant as a team, filing all of our taxes since 2006. (PDOC want's to know why I'm not mad that he lied to me and said he mailed the taxes, but I'm just not. I'm just happy that they are finally being done.)

SO...........

A great day.

PS

It's my anniversary today. 24 years. I didn't acknowledge it, because I feel there is nothing to celebrate.

PPS

That's probably a good thing that I didn't fake being happy that it is my anniversary and get a card, etc.
My marriage will be something I deal with once I learn how to properly stand up for myself.

LOVE TO ALL
XO
J.

[tina martin]

Not familiar with restorative yoga as distinct from other yoga. It can all be restorative in that it seeks to enhance our physical and mental well-being. The main thing is you are keeping at it.

As for the rest, J, you are accepting reality and doing what you can, looking forward. And anniversaries, what can I say? Make him sign a new contract under penalties of perjury of all your expectations for the next 24 years if he thinks he can remain a husband instead of a divorcee wandering the streets. They don't appreciate what they have so we must help them grow a few brain cells in their heads. J, are you smiling? I'll be smiling at my upcoming anniversary demanding diamonds, ha ha, Love.............T

[Paisleegreen]

Glad to hear you Yoga is getting easier! Also that your taxes are getting taking care of, I know that that an be a big relief. I know this b/c we own a small business and sometimes have to get an extension, but it weighs heavily on your mind.

I'm feeling calmer these days as I started to use a bio identical progesterone cream. It really helped to calm down the anxiety symptoms which might be hormone related as my Psychiatrist thought.

I also saw my eye Dr yesterday, after putting off seeing him, since the prescription he gave was the wrong one. I didn't realize this until I had it filled and it was too strong! I wanted prescription reader that allows me to see music from a certain distance and also small type books and computer screen at about 18 inches to 21 or so. I can read fine, but since both eyeballs see differently by a couple clicks, I see shadows and it BOTHERS me.

So I was ready to pay the price of the appt but didn't want my eyes dilated as I already had that done and that was not my purpose. I was so happy to find out at the check out desk that there was no charge. I think the Dr realized that I has asked specifically when I went in months ago that I wanted glasses for reading music while I play the piano. And that the readers you buy at the drugstore doesn't work when one eye sees just a bit different than the other.

So reading isn't as enjoyable or seeing shadows on sheet music isn't fun either. Ugh..

Well, I hope you all are enjoying the beginning of Autumn. Paislee

[SoWhatif]

J, your welcome and I'am glad your glad....

P I can very much relate to the aggravation that goes with glasses.
The reflections from the lens are one of my biggest stessors. Hope you get your eye pieces to where you need them.

T, your being awfully quiet, are you fairing well ?

[Paisleegreen]

Thanks, R, hope you are doing well. Hope to hear from T and J as well.

[tina martin]

Thanks for asking, R. I'm here now and then but also keep things bottled up. Meditating twice a day helps along with lots of exercise. Nature is still a great comfort every day. It is so beautiful out there at this time. Remember when we once sat on a branch of a tree for harvest moon? Well, I discovered Neil Young's Harvest Moon and dance to it.

Hope all is well with you and everyone.