Today is tough.
Today is tough.
Today I feel like I'm going to end up in a mental ward and I'm going to have to live like this the rest of my life. It's a beautiful day here and I can't even enjoy it because I'm feeling so tired of trying to live with this disorder. My daughter started 8th grade today and I gave her a hug and a kiss and sent her to school but it all seemed like I was just acting happy for her sake, I couldn't even enjoy the moment.
Re: Today is tough.
You were there for your daughter and that is wonderful. So you were acting happy for her sake ...that is generous of you! You could have been shitty and miserable or you could have stayed in bed and felt sorry for yourself. You did something thoughtful and kind for someone else during a time when you were suffering inside. That was an unselfish act. That is something to feel good about. You did something good today. You were feeling really crappy earlier today and so it is not unreasonable that you were not enjoying anything. When I am feeling very badly about myself I am not enjoying much at that time. Today is tough ..you said it yourself ...be kind to yourself ... today will pass. maybe try to get moving like take a walk for an hour ...do something physical even if you don't feel like it.
-
tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Today is tough.
Sometimes we can't do it alone. Do you have the program here? Do you have a therapist? Some low dose meds can be a help. Posting here is a good sign you can and will make it.
No giving up. We who are here are fighters.
No giving up. We who are here are fighters.
Re: Today is tough.
John,
I know the feeling all too well...overwhelmed or so down that you feel like you are going to burst or end up in a mental ward. I describe the feeling as if my skeleton is going to jump out of my body!
It's the worst feeling, I know.
First off, that is GREAT that you were able to hug and kiss your daughter before she went off to school. Expressing love and affection to those we care about (even when we are at our worst) is very important. Don't stop that behavior.
My suggestion is that when you realized that you weren't enjoying the moment, you need to snap yourself out of it and say to yourself, "Hey! Look at your beautiful daughter going off to school, the 8th grade no less! Look how much she has grown into a wonderful young adult." Give yourself credit John, she didn't get here by herself. You had a hand in her development and you should be proud of that. Stop the negative voice and focus on your love for your daughter and the times you share together. A lot of parents would love it if their child would hug and kiss them before school but a lot of kids these days don't have time or think it's 'uncool' to show their parent(s) affection. I'm not a parent myself but I remember how I treated my parents when I was your daughter's age and I also have been working in a Middle school for many years. Be thankful and enjoy the hugs and kisses while they last.
Look at baby pictures of your daughter and remember to smile and keep thinking positively. I personally don't know what you are going through but sometimes when I look back at earlier times in my life, although I am smiling, there is this gnawing inside of me reminding me of a more simple, easier time. If that happens you need to stop yourself and say, although things seem more difficult right now, it is just temporary!
Maybe go on a walk if it is nice out and look at all of the beauty around you. Don't let negative thoughts try to clog your mind. If they sneak in, say, "NO.," and allow yourself to get back on track to more positive things. Or read a book that brings you joy. You need to treat yourself daily to something that brings you happiness.
I know I should be practicing what I am saying right now and I hope to do so. I just started this program but I also have a degree in Psychology so I am familiar with a lot of these feelings and the idea of changing the patterns of our thinking. I just need to implement these helpful tools into my daily life. I am hoping to do so with this online support as I have felt so alone looking around at friends and family that seem to have everything all figured out.
But I saw your post and it hit home. I hope that you can see past the dark clouds and the looming feeling of despair and remain positive for yourself and your daughter. You owe her that and you ESPECIALLY owe yourself that!!! Good luck!
I know the feeling all too well...overwhelmed or so down that you feel like you are going to burst or end up in a mental ward. I describe the feeling as if my skeleton is going to jump out of my body!
It's the worst feeling, I know. First off, that is GREAT that you were able to hug and kiss your daughter before she went off to school. Expressing love and affection to those we care about (even when we are at our worst) is very important. Don't stop that behavior.
My suggestion is that when you realized that you weren't enjoying the moment, you need to snap yourself out of it and say to yourself, "Hey! Look at your beautiful daughter going off to school, the 8th grade no less! Look how much she has grown into a wonderful young adult." Give yourself credit John, she didn't get here by herself. You had a hand in her development and you should be proud of that. Stop the negative voice and focus on your love for your daughter and the times you share together. A lot of parents would love it if their child would hug and kiss them before school but a lot of kids these days don't have time or think it's 'uncool' to show their parent(s) affection. I'm not a parent myself but I remember how I treated my parents when I was your daughter's age and I also have been working in a Middle school for many years. Be thankful and enjoy the hugs and kisses while they last.
Look at baby pictures of your daughter and remember to smile and keep thinking positively. I personally don't know what you are going through but sometimes when I look back at earlier times in my life, although I am smiling, there is this gnawing inside of me reminding me of a more simple, easier time. If that happens you need to stop yourself and say, although things seem more difficult right now, it is just temporary!
Maybe go on a walk if it is nice out and look at all of the beauty around you. Don't let negative thoughts try to clog your mind. If they sneak in, say, "NO.," and allow yourself to get back on track to more positive things. Or read a book that brings you joy. You need to treat yourself daily to something that brings you happiness.
I know I should be practicing what I am saying right now and I hope to do so. I just started this program but I also have a degree in Psychology so I am familiar with a lot of these feelings and the idea of changing the patterns of our thinking. I just need to implement these helpful tools into my daily life. I am hoping to do so with this online support as I have felt so alone looking around at friends and family that seem to have everything all figured out.
But I saw your post and it hit home. I hope that you can see past the dark clouds and the looming feeling of despair and remain positive for yourself and your daughter. You owe her that and you ESPECIALLY owe yourself that!!! Good luck!
Re: Today is tough.
Thank you all for the kind words and support! I do have the proram but I never seem to get past lesson 3, I start to feel better and stop. I'm so busy in life I guess I get lazy when doing things for my mental health. I just started seeing a therapist and I've been on paxil for a while but I seem to be having a bad week or so. Negative thinking is deffinately my weakness and I really struggle countering the thoughts, sometimes it seems like I'm punishing myself for what ever reason.
-
Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Today is tough.
Hi John, I've had those feelings as well. Then I was pleasantly surprised to get a call from my Psychiatrist office to see if I could come in to see him 2 weeks earlier than planned, which was actually delayed from seeing him early in Sept. So I couldn't wait to visit him and discuss my recent feelings as I haven't seen him for a year. Then I get a call that says he isn't back in town yet. A little bit depressing but I continued on a task I had been putting off for 2 years. I had started it at around 5:00AM yesterday when I couldn't sleep.
The task was to clear off my headboard. It had piled of papers, and what not on it. It always seemed that other things were more important, but I this was affecting me. Just to look at the mess and then not be able to find anything drove me crazy,
and it was depressing to look at everyday.
But I started to attack it, taking one piece of item or paper off and put it in a different pile to go elsewhere and also a trash pile.
I was very happy to find phone numbers and addresses of friends I didn't have. Plus many other things pics, cards, jewelry, coins, and what not. It felt good to get down to the surface and clean it and see everything so shiny and new.
I did worked on this until I was tired and then got back on it after I realized I'm not going to see the Dr until two more weeks. So I feel much better, and I'm still working on the remaining areas of the headboard/shelves. I don't know if this is going to help me completely, as there are so many scenarios on why I feel anxious at this time in my life. But to have some "control" in just small areas is making me feel better.
I can't control my son's behavior or husband's or even other children or people, but If I can at least know where things are and let go of things I'm keeping for a rainy day that will never come then I'm going to feel more free to go out and do other things that make me happy. I hope you have a good day, John. Paislee
The task was to clear off my headboard. It had piled of papers, and what not on it. It always seemed that other things were more important, but I this was affecting me. Just to look at the mess and then not be able to find anything drove me crazy,
and it was depressing to look at everyday. But I started to attack it, taking one piece of item or paper off and put it in a different pile to go elsewhere and also a trash pile.
I was very happy to find phone numbers and addresses of friends I didn't have. Plus many other things pics, cards, jewelry, coins, and what not. It felt good to get down to the surface and clean it and see everything so shiny and new.
I did worked on this until I was tired and then got back on it after I realized I'm not going to see the Dr until two more weeks. So I feel much better, and I'm still working on the remaining areas of the headboard/shelves. I don't know if this is going to help me completely, as there are so many scenarios on why I feel anxious at this time in my life. But to have some "control" in just small areas is making me feel better.
I can't control my son's behavior or husband's or even other children or people, but If I can at least know where things are and let go of things I'm keeping for a rainy day that will never come then I'm going to feel more free to go out and do other things that make me happy. I hope you have a good day, John. Paislee
-
bonita2243
- Posts: 24
- Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 9:43 am
- Location: chicago
- Contact:
Re: Today is tough.
i really hope that you are feeling better im new to the program and im very optimistic you have to really stick with it .it helps read it when you have time trust and believe tell your self you are going to get better noone can change how you are feeling but you hold on to God if you have to with all your might with spiriyual guidance and prayer and this prrogrammed i know im gonna be ok your not alone we are all in this together.
mona