Domestic Violence - Any type abuse

[Sunflower2716]

Good Day! I am sunflower2716 and I am new here. My ID is sunflower because right now that is what I am striving to be. I want to stand up tall, have a bright glowing face, and be able to give others something they can use.

I searched for threads for any that deal with DV matters and I did not come up to be very unsuccessful. I was really surprised but not after a little thought. No I was not surprised at all because Domestic Violence is a "private matter". I am here to tell you DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT A PRIVATE MATTER. It is a matter that affects many people and it needs to stop.

I am here because I am a woman that has lived many different types of domestic violence in my life. All this violence I have lived has made me the person I am good and bad. The abuse influenced my personality and the way I deal with things. I took that assessment test today. Wow did it describe me to a T! And I am this person because of sexual abuse as a child thru teenage years, being battered as a teen, and lived in a emotionally, mentally, and sexually abusive relationship for 8 years in my 30s. I just turned 40 this May. It is time to focus on me.

I am done being abused. My childhood and teen issues are almost resolved. But the anxiety and depression has been an undercurrent for years and is still there because I never learned the coping skills to deal with all the emotions that go with these conditions. As for the 8 years of the abusive relationship I am proud to say "I AM OUT!!" Yeah out but not free. I am still trying to break free. The violence escalated when I left. There are now criminal charges pending, and my lawyer sucked and I did not get my final restraining order. So this has empowered a narcissistic, ex cop to stalk me.

So with that being said, I am suffering from serve anxiety and depression. I want to learn to get over all the negative things in my life. I have to retrain my brain to know that I am worth the dirt I stand on. I want to grow to be a huge sunflower and bring joy back into my life and help others with theirs. No one deserves to be told "your worthless" or any other degrading words.

So please anyone on this site that has been through domestic violence or someone that has. Make a post. To say Hi, or just put a smiley face let me know there are people out there. Please even tell how this program has helped you deal and learn to live your life your way I want to know I am not the only one in this world that is suffering, and that there are people out there that do care. I am alone and struggling, I want to be like a sunflower thriving in the sun.

I truly hope this program will help.

Sunflower2716

[Paisleegreen]

Hi Sunflower--I'm here to say Hello and Welcome. I know people who have suffered abuse, I also have a son that was bullied enough that he committed suicide. I've been verbally abused, but there are so many levels of abuse that I can't say what level of verbal abuse is "abuse" to some people and maybe not to others. I might be more sensitive...than others. I guess that is more the question for some people that might post on here. As for your chart, I couldn't post on it, meaning when I clicked on it, nothing happened, I don't know if you really can press something that on here.

I'm sorry that you are going through this experience and I truly hope that StressCenter.com will help you. Paislee

[myveryownmidwest]

Hello Sunflower,

I have been a victim of emotional and verbal abuse recently. But to think of it, I grew up in a verbally and emotionally abusive family. I don't think they have really realized it but as I have researched the topic and looked up information trying to heal myself it is very evident that THAT is what it was. I was physically abused by a brother of mine growing up. My parents never did anything about it!!! They just thought of it as normal sibling fighting. Even as a young girl I realized that it was wrong...why didn't my parents realize it??? I just don't get it! Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on a tangent about myself like that but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am Christian so I hope you don't mind if I say a prayer for you. I started StressCenter program today and I feel like I'm on my way to recovery. It's a great feeling. Are you doing the program?

[Paisleegreen]

Stress-I don't think you were going off on a tangent at all. That is what this place is for...this is something that needs to be discussed. I for one had a creepy neighbor who was the father of my friend when I was a little girl. I felt enough in my soul that his actions were inappropriate and stayed away from that house and would always cross the street when I had to walk by his house. I asked my little friend about what her father was doing and she said he does it to her and her sisters all the time.

It was a sad family and at the time I knew nothing of that type of abuse, just my soul knew it and I had good parents. Then a creepy man would call to ask if my Mother was home, then tell me stuff. I told my brothers was this man was saying and they told my Mom. Then they talked to me about either not answering the phone or tell my brothers right away. That this man was a creep. Only one other time I remember walking home from high school and I could hear a bike coming down the sidewalk. I stopped to let the bike pass, the boy, stopped and started to lift up my dress. I wouldn't let him and was quite surprised and told him to cut it out.

I never walked home that way again and since had become more aware that the world is not a nice place. I did have friends that told me stuff their stepfather did, totally shocked. Lucky for her, her mother got a divorce and the guy was in court or something, again I was about 11 learning about this. Life was very innocent back then, and not much was talked about as far as my world was concerned. My mother was even a School Nurse, but maybe keeping things quiet unless it was given as a need to know status.

My mother wasn't an easy person to talk to anyway. She was very nervous and stressed with whatever her expectations were in life. My dad was more gentle and too embarrassed to talk even about biology. They were good parents, just my mother yelled a lot or blamed us kids for something when it really was her fault. I would have to say that I got slapped a few times for talking back and never really got spanked due me being a pretty obedient kid. Usually it was a chair in the corner.
I never saw physical abuse in my home, only arguments.