Really struggling today

[John61]

I'm sitting at my desk at work feeling really bad right now. I feel like I'm never going to be whole again and I keep looking at my kids pictures and thinking they are going to fatherless! What is wrong with me and why do I have these thoughts?
It's a beautiful day out but I'm sitting here fealing like this? I can't concentrate and I keep having these bad thoughts. Does anyone ever get like this?

[LMH2011]

I wonder if it's the day today. I have had the worst day that I've had in a loooooooooong time! I've been extremely stressed out lately and I guess I'm not handling it too well. I almost feel like I have to start the program over (I'm on session 5 right now). It seems like for the last couple of days, everything that I've done through the program has gone out the window and isn't working for me. I've taken .75mg of Xanax today so far - that's the most I've EVER taken since it's been prescribed to me, although I can take up to 1mg per day. I just went through my 2nd panic attack today, this one lasting for 3 hours! Now I feel completely spacey and unfocused. Not to mention, drained. My 7 year old daughter has been the one calming me down today, telling me that everything will be OK and I will be OK. That's sad if you ask me. I just really need to find a way to move on and not depend on those stupid pills to make me feel good.

So I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one having a bad day today! Maybe tomorrow will be better!

[ms2ndchance]

John 61: No you are not the only one to feel like this. It's all from the anxiety. Sometimes i get to the point where I feel like I am going to die today. I hate feeling like that and sometimes I feel like I am going to pass out or my heart is going to stop beating. I know how you feel John I think we all do. Just remember that you are not alone and even though I know it's hard to do when feeling down and depressed just smile and say to yourself that today is going to be a good day and things will get better. You will feel whole again. Just have faith and you will. I hope you feel better.

[John61]

Thanks for the comments, they did help me! I just rode 20 minutes on the stationary bike and 20 minutes 0n the treadmill and that helped too. It's been a really long time since I've felt like this and it caught me off guard. I also feel like I need to start over. Unfortunately I have the tapes but I can't find anything else so I'll have to wing it.

[John61]

Well I found my book which is good, I actually had it in my desk at work. I woke up this morning with alot of fear and scary thoughts. Most of my thoughts are around work, things like going out on disability or flat out loosing my job. The thing is I'm held in good standing at work, I know I am. I've always had great reviews and positive compliments so why do I think I'll loose it??? In the morning my first thought is annalyzing my body. Do I have any tingling or flushed face, is my heart pounding? Which of course makes it pound. I haven't taken an anxiety med like xanax or klonopin in about 4 years and I don't really want to but maybe I should. Very frustrated.

[tina martin]

Hi John: Do think positively about your job, the things you specifically mention, all very good. Do work the program, giving it the time and attention it calls for.

You may want to check with a doctor to get a low dose med for now. It may help you to get past the current flare-up you're experiencing. Wish you the best.

[Mgee317]

I have my "days too"...I think we all do. But I now try to just ride them out, and keep telling myself, tomorrow will be a new day...it's just ONE bad day, out of the MANY good days to you probably had and are to come.
Just know, it is only "stress" triggering it...and nothing else. All those thoughts, are something you are creating, you make your thoughts, your thoughts don't make YOU!

OH! and you know what I do too when I am having "that day"...I turn on the radio at work, and I sing along to my own words with the beat of the song that is playing...silly...but it does help! ahaha... ...no matter how down you are, FORCE yourself...until you find yourself giggling at yourself

[John61]

Today has been better. I listened to the relaxation tape from this program before going to sleep last night and started on lesson 1 again yesterday. I'm not sure if that helped but I'll take it any way it comes.

[tina martin]

Good news. Happy for you. Am a great believer in the potentially outstanding results of meditation. I devote time to it every day, twice a day, about 15 minutes each session. Can't praise it enough. Be patient with it, the results are cumulative.

[John61]

Last night I was laying around the house after going to the gym and the negative thoughts were really flowing! Guess what? I had a panic attack and another this morning. Isn't it predictable how that type of thinking really gets me(us) going. Today a friend I was talking to mentioned about using the same method Ceasar Millan uses with dogs on the Dog Wisperer when he taps the dog and makes a moise to break their thought pattern and bring them back to reality. At first I thought it to be crazy but it kind of works. As soon as I feel myself going down that road I tap myself on the forehead and make that noise and it breaks the pattern. Now I just hope I don't tap so much I get a bruise on my forehead!