I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

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kty_rs
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:47 am

I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

Post by kty_rs » Thu Apr 28, 2011 4:41 am

I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me, I felt I was doing so well until today and then as quickly as the progress was made it was gone, The person that I have tried not to be for so long is back and I feel like such a failure. I am really scared that my last shot at "happy and normal" is slipping away. I don't know the answer to this one, I know I have all the tools right here yet I feel so angry and hopeless again.

AimCat
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2008 10:28 am

Re: I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

Post by AimCat » Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:39 am

Hi, kty_rs:

I wish I knew more about what you are experiencing, but a couple of things you said really chimed with me this morning. This is my first time back to this forum since I last thought I’d licked my depression. So here you are expressing much of what I’m feeling now. (I felt I was doing so well until today and then as quickly as the progress was made it was gone, The person that I have tried not to be for so long is back and I feel like such a failure.)

Where does this come from?? I don’t know. I woke at 4 a.m., afraid – of ruining my children, my marriage, my life. I do know that this is my 4th “relapse” since I first identified my depression 6 years ago. It’s been a few weeks that I’ve been perceiving that my depression was lurking in my life again. And it hit hard this morning, refusing to be ignored or denied.

You also said, “I am really scared that my last shot at "happy and normal" is slipping away.” And that really made me stop and think. I, too, want happy and normal some more, again. But I want to encourage you to not see this time as a last shot. I could see through your words that I don’t want this to be my last shot. I’ve had other shots, and I, too, feel angry and hopeless and like a failure right now. The 12 steppers talk about “working their program” and that seems as good a plan as any. Your post made me see that here I am, doing this again – facing/beating/learning from/experiencing/surviving a bout of depression again.

Don’t give up all hope. Do the things you know. For me, depression has been a recurring cycle. Thanks for reaching out today. You helped me. Let me/us know how you are doing.

newrunner
Posts: 143
Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:18 am

Re: I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

Post by newrunner » Thu Apr 28, 2011 2:29 pm

Hello Ladies-

I hope you are back in balance and can look in the mirror and put that rug right back where it belongs.
Some days suck.
Just climb back on the horse. Never, never, never give up. You can tweak, but keep on trying.
I'll be praying for you both. To let the Lord into your life and let Him take over. He can give you peace that is not understandable by us.

kty_rs
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:47 am

Re: I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

Post by kty_rs » Thu Apr 28, 2011 3:43 pm

Thank you both, you are right it is not my last chance. And am going to try with all that I have to climb back on that horse. I work in a very negative environment and when Lucinda says misery loves company she is so right because last night I fed off of the negativity, I feel much better today and I hope you do to. I am so glad that You are all there to remind someone like me that I can do this. God bless you both.

newrunner
Posts: 143
Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:18 am

Re: I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

Post by newrunner » Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:14 pm

hours after I posted to you, I had a BIG shocker in my life. And I also felt the rug go Bye Bye.
I hauled out the old StressCenter.com workbook, cried a bit, then made a list of what I can control and what I can't. I'll get on the horn with the appropriate people on Monday and we'll go from there.

It's harder than I thought-- Now I have even more empathy than previous.

kty_rs
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Apr 23, 2011 4:47 am

Re: I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me

Post by kty_rs » Sun May 01, 2011 6:27 am

I hope you are doing better now. Your right it is very hard, It is probably the hardest thing we may ever do in our lives. But we will get there and have the life we working so hard for. God bless you and thank you.

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