This will be cathartic, so please bear with me. I am new to the program, although I purchased it in 2008 but never fully committed. I had my first panic attack as a teenager (I am now 53) while visiting my father in the hospital. He had a broken back from falling down a hay chute, which I witnessed. I half blamed myself but grew up in a family where we never discussed ANYTHING so I couldn't share that with anyone or hear an "It wasn't your fault." The next ten years I had occassional panic attacks, even once going to an urgent care center with chest pains. The past 40 years have been absolute hell with physical symptoms (fibromyalgia) and sensitivities to medications along with the anxiety and depression. I definitely have a perfectionistic personality, am afraid of bridges, need people to like me, and over analyze everything. And I've basically been a door mat for all of my adult life. I've watched people take advantage of that and could never understand how I could be treated that way when I was SO NICE! HA!
I am making a commitment to finish this program, and finish in fifteen weeks. I've started it a few times before but felt like I had to have it down before I moved on to the next session so I never got very far, plus I never signed in to this website before. I have suffered way too long with anxiety and am seeing it now as my mortal enemy. I look forward to moving forward with you and overcoming this condition. Thanks in advance for all the support.
Newbie
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Newbie
Hi BEP--Welcome, I hope you will start feeling better as you work the program. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's accident. That would be scary to witness that. Paislee
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Newbie
Welcome BEP. I can certainly relate to the type of personality you describe. In fact, I got all excited when I read that researchers discovered a D-Personality. Not all aspects fit me, but I have come up with a laundry list of D words (none too good) that fit only too well, doormat being one of them and another one is dutiful. I even went so far as to suggest I have no Self, am just a composite of others (the pleasing part you mention).
What I want to say to you is that you can and will rebuild yourself. A rebuilt motor may not be quite as good as the original, but it works. It does not happen overnight. Takes time, work, and much patience. We are experienced mechanics here (joking).
The other matter we seem to have in common is the medication issue. I have a keen, distinct aversion to them. They do help some people, to be sure. But I much prefer to help myself. And watch out when a D-Personality wakes up. They turn into P-Personality, P for Power. I just made that up, but I think I sometimes see a P-Personality when I look into the mirror. That may happen to you too.
What I want to say to you is that you can and will rebuild yourself. A rebuilt motor may not be quite as good as the original, but it works. It does not happen overnight. Takes time, work, and much patience. We are experienced mechanics here (joking).
The other matter we seem to have in common is the medication issue. I have a keen, distinct aversion to them. They do help some people, to be sure. But I much prefer to help myself. And watch out when a D-Personality wakes up. They turn into P-Personality, P for Power. I just made that up, but I think I sometimes see a P-Personality when I look into the mirror. That may happen to you too.
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Newbie
Tina, I had to chuckle at your D personality traits or conditions. I would have to say I've experienced that before but didn't know what is was called until one Marriage counselor years ago asked me why I'm letting my husband treat me like a doormat. So the fun thing I did to that problem was as he suggested, was to get a babysitter and then just take off and stay at a motel somewhere and not tell him where I was going. Because he was so use to me being there to take care of the kids and whatnot, but he didn't share the same responsibility.
Although the experiment was impactful, I was scared and lonely at the motel and didn't sleep well. It was near a college campus and on Friday night after some football game. So it was noisy, and then the adjoining rooms were on the sides of my room and upstairs were quite noisy. I didn't have any sleep aids at that time and probably I had anxiety that wasn't recognized as that term back then.
DH was really surprised to not have a clue as to where I went and so "unlike" my predicted behavior. But I had had enough, of his behavior, as he was on unemployment at the time and not looking for another job before it ran out, I was going to school, babysitting other people's little chldren and my own, and he would get frustrated because he had to fix dinner or my time was focused on this extra schooling. He had latched onto a Type A personality friend that could make money with the drop of his hat due to his intelligence and gift of speech. Quite the salesman, which included selling Life Insurance, so he had money and DH didn't, but he would take DH to the movies, dinner, boating, and other things and left me alone with our children and I was not having any recreation or fun. We were struggling financially so the Marriage Counselor really helped me out.
We didn't have much money to spare to see the Marriage counselor, but it was worth the sacrifice. This was over 20 odd years ago. I happened to have seen this counselor just last year and he was very helpful again, but left town for some studies elsewhere. When he returned I already found my new Psychologist who is helping now and is a younger man and uses new techniques such as CBT and he knows what GAD means. So he is more up to date with today's findings in help with anxiety disorders and etc. Paislee
Although the experiment was impactful, I was scared and lonely at the motel and didn't sleep well. It was near a college campus and on Friday night after some football game. So it was noisy, and then the adjoining rooms were on the sides of my room and upstairs were quite noisy. I didn't have any sleep aids at that time and probably I had anxiety that wasn't recognized as that term back then.
DH was really surprised to not have a clue as to where I went and so "unlike" my predicted behavior. But I had had enough, of his behavior, as he was on unemployment at the time and not looking for another job before it ran out, I was going to school, babysitting other people's little chldren and my own, and he would get frustrated because he had to fix dinner or my time was focused on this extra schooling. He had latched onto a Type A personality friend that could make money with the drop of his hat due to his intelligence and gift of speech. Quite the salesman, which included selling Life Insurance, so he had money and DH didn't, but he would take DH to the movies, dinner, boating, and other things and left me alone with our children and I was not having any recreation or fun. We were struggling financially so the Marriage Counselor really helped me out.
We didn't have much money to spare to see the Marriage counselor, but it was worth the sacrifice. This was over 20 odd years ago. I happened to have seen this counselor just last year and he was very helpful again, but left town for some studies elsewhere. When he returned I already found my new Psychologist who is helping now and is a younger man and uses new techniques such as CBT and he knows what GAD means. So he is more up to date with today's findings in help with anxiety disorders and etc. Paislee
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tina martin
- Posts: 792
- Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:24 pm
Re: Newbie
Paislee, that was brave and adventuresome of you. Issues of work, too little or too much, are not uncommon. Is there a definitive book on marriage out there? Probably not because it is such an incredibly complex undertaking. Maybe they can research which personality types make it. That can be a new criteria for handing out a marriage license.
BEP, we are not trying to hijack your thread. Paislee and I are long marrieds and are skilled mechanics in that area too (joking). We hope you are doing well with the program and are starting to feel better.
BEP, we are not trying to hijack your thread. Paislee and I are long marrieds and are skilled mechanics in that area too (joking). We hope you are doing well with the program and are starting to feel better.