im a mess!has anyone else been like this??

[shence]

hi, thank you for reading,ill start with my story, i didnt have the best childhood,it was filled with stress and seperations,so i think ive always had to face stress and anxiety at a young age,but it didnt really effect me untill i was around 18 or 19, i wasnt in the best place, flunked out seinor year and was hanging with the stoner crowd,smoking pot and experimenting with the drugs that go along with that scene once in a while.but mostly just the pot.i started to get really depressed and anxious with my lack of progression,and it overwhelmed me, i lost appetite and convinced myself i had ulcers and couldnt eat and lost a bunch of weight. after weeks of misery i was walking to my job as a dishwasher at the time smoking some pot,and this feeling came over me,i felt so sick dizzy, i couldnt breath,i was hot,my heart was pounding.i was having a panic attack,but had no idea what it was. i called my mother and we went to the emergency room because i was convinced i was having a heartattack at 19 years old.they ran tests everything was clear and said it was anxiety.i went to a primary care and they started me on paxil and larazepam.but being an anxious person medicine scared me,so it was tuff.i took the paxil for a couple months and it was hard at first but kinda numbed to it,and i just stopped taking it.i started changing things,i stoped smoking pot and hanging out with that bad crowd i got a new job,and moved on.as the years prgressed i did alot,moved out on my own,met the woman i always wanted,got a job with benefits (dont like the job but it paid the bills).over the years i still had anxiety fron time to time,but mostly just in social situations like at a resturant or party,and i could ignore it or walk out and get some fresh air and it would pass and id feel "normal" again.now im 27 years old,but over the past 2 months the anxiety has gotten more frequent,more often at social situations and at work. i have been hating work more and under pressure from my gf to get enganged,and moved to a new more expensive apartment and bought a new car.but it all came the worst 3 weeks ago when i was takin into the office at work and warned about inappropriate internet use like youtube and netflix,which everyone else does too,but i felt singled out.and since that point everyday i would go to work filled wit anxiety like "is today the day i get fired".and i saw all the things i would stand to lose,like how would i pay rent, or my car payment,or the engagment ring my gf wants,and i got so overwhelmed i started having anxiety attacks at work. i called out for 3 days before finnally going to the urgent care dr.she gave me xanax .25 and put me out of work for 10 days..i felt terrible the whole time, i lost my appetite,lost like 10 pounds in the 2 weeks,i feel weak,depressed,so frustrated that i cant get back to my old self, the feelings of unreal and spaced out so terrible,and i have like no emotion to my gf or family and friends.im spending alot of time in the house on the couch but still not comfortable there either,,this is so hard! and i started seeing a therapist..the xanax helped with the immediate anxiety but didnt take away the feelings of depersonnalization and just feelings of outside myself which is so scary! so i went to a primary care and decided i needed more help cuz i couldnt shake this, she started me on 25 mg of zoloft for the first week and then im supposed to up it to 50mg after that, i ve only been on the 25mg for 5 days now and 2 days ago i tried to go back to work which was a huge mistake,it was only my 3rd day on the zoloft and i was nervous about side effects and all that.my mind raced all day a mile a miute i couldnt focus and i felt on the edge all day and just wanted to get out of there,i suffered this for 7 hours before i finnaly had enough and left. the anxiety it caused lasted all night and i only slept like 3 hours that night,i feel like it set me back cuz iv been feeling more anxious since and my loss of apetite is worse.im so frustrated i just want to wake up from this night mare, i just want the medicine to start working and help me through this, i just want to feel hungry and eat a good meal without worrying if my stomach will hurt.i want to be me again,feel "normal" ..get out of my house and feel confident i can handle whatever comes,not avoid normal things like dinner at a friends or socializing,things i used to not have trouble with!this is just so scary, and i feel like i cant do it,i want to give up, and im afraid ill end up in some hospital druged up! has anyone else been this bad before? how did you make it out? everyday is so hard..i just want to cry man...i guess im just looking not to feel alone,to hear that someone else has been in my position and felt like me and made it out,it would mean the world...any advice or encouragement would help...thank you all so much....

[footballfan32]

everyone thinks weed is harmless. plently of people will agrue how it is harmless. however this happens a lot. people smoke it and get a panic attacks and feel weird. stop smoking the weed now and quit. others than that realize what your problems was.......a panic attack. now you know what is it tell yourself you are fine. remember panic attacks dont hurt you.

[footballfan32]

you smoked weed and did not care what it did, but you are nervous from taking a medicine that is regulated by the FDA. everyone who has had panic attacks and anxiety worries about their medicine but what you taking is a small dose. however xanax and klonopin are a class of medicine you dont want to take because it can become very addicting. so if you take it get off that medicine as soon as you can. you got to nip this in the but as soon as possible and by what your going through I can tell you still have time to nip it in the but because it is not too bad yet. remember thousands of people have this, you are not alone and you will beat it if you want to. that is the great part about this conidition is that it cant hurt you.

[cj20520]

Shence:
Thank you for sharing. You just described me last July(minus the pot). I couldnt work, i didnt eat, i was a wreck and felt like i was never going to feel any better. I went to a psychiatrist and she put me on zoloft and got me off of Paxil. It took awhile and with the help of the Xanax, i am finally on a dose of zoloft of 200 mg. I dont take the xanax very much anymore, but it is nice to know i can when i need it. I could not have gotten through that time without the xanax. I was just too revved up to function. It also helped to calm my stomach. Today, i am back to work and eating pretty well. I still have some tummy issues, but i dont address them as anxiety. I am one of those people that needs to eat small meals several times a day to keep something in my stomach. Tea is very helpful for that too. The best thing i did was to start Viactive yogurt in the a.m. when i take my meds. It helps a lot.

Dont give up and dont think you are going to go back to feeling good over night. Baby steps are better. That way what you create will stay with you. I do think you need to look into a new job. You sound miserable there. Find something that makes you feel good about you because no amount of money can give you the feeling of self satisfaction.

Good Luck
CJ

[Paisleegreen]

Yes, you are not alone, most of us have gone through the same experience minus the weed, although others have being using pot and then had a panic attack.

You are under some stress, you are being pressured from all sides, your GF, your job, and then social events. If you are working Lucinda's program, the CDs are going to help you. Also, Dr David Burns 10 Steps to Self Esteem workbook. It deals with CBT principles. I can't recall if you are seeing a Psychologist. Keep on posting and let us know how you are doing.

You might have to learn how to be assertive with your GF and discuss that maybe you guys just can't afford a new car and an engagement ring at this time. Maybe a less expensive ring. Also, do you want to marry this girl, does this give you anxiety to get married and be committed? paislee

[shence]

thank you guys so much for responding! i appreciate all of you! its been hard but im starting to try to think positivly more and more.im still scared and get anxious about leaving my comfort zone.the house"..but im taking my dog for like a 3 mile walk every day the past 3 days,and im becoming a little more accepting of the medication and trying not to let it scare me as much. im out of work still and i think it might be best to stay out at least untill i get more confidence and face more situations and get through them, i def do beleive my job does have a lot to do with the anxiety and depression because im so bored with it and its mindless unrewarding work,so my mind just races all day,and usaully in the negative direction. im noticing alot of things by decideing to face my condition,and a major one is that i am a negative thinker. i let the negative thoughts and critical way i talk to myself effect me deeply. i think that this bad habbit has mad me a quitter most of my life..ill start something and then as soon as it gets hard or i start feeling anxious about situations it might put me in,i convince myself its not for me or i cant do it or dont want to, and i move to something else. and once again my negative thinking and anxiety has gotten the best of me and stopped me from a possible good experiance. i think that effects my relationship too,i love my gf and i do want to marry her and have a family with her.but i know that my anxiety and negative thinking is constantly trying to make me think otherwise,like shes not the one,youll get a divorce like the rest of your family,your not good enough for her..things like that.so im sure it has played a big part in the stress thats got me to this broken down point.that fear of the commitment and the change that comes with it. but shes not pressuring me presently at all,shes being supportive and knows im in a very hard place right now, but of course it makes her nervous and upset to see me struggling like i am with this condition.its just hard facing all this and dealing with it all, but i know thats the only way to beat it,i just wish i didnt have to in the first place, more of my negative thinking getting in the way," its to hard you cant do it"..i have to break the way i think and change it to positive thinking. it helps to hear that alot of you have been in the same position and worked to get yourselves out, im trying to start telling myself ive been here before and got out,i can do it again! i need to love myself unconditionaly and keep fighting.i need to be more patient, i tend to want instant results and i know thats not gonna happen. so baby steps,one victory at a time. thanks again for talking everyone,im here if any of you need to vent or anything.thanks for the reassurance and advice it helps so much,all is welcome....

[cj20520]

Shence
You sound sooo much better today! I am so happy to hear your GF is supporting you. Just tell her that her time will come and you will be there for her when she is in labor with your kids. LOL. I have heard from my husband and guy friends that labor is the most useless feeling time for men. They push, but it doesn't help.

Anyway, keep on keepin on, you can do this and we are all here to help each other.
CJ

[shence]

hey cj, thanks alot for the kind words..yea im still really scared of dealing with this and all the feelings and emotions that come with it,but i have to try,i wont get any results doing the same thing ive always done.i guess it just seems so hard because of how far i feel i have to go,just to get to feeling "normal" again. but im gonna take baby steps,and all the time i need.i just really hope i can get there,i dream of reaching the point were i look back at all this like its nothing more than a distant memory. to get to a place were i can relax and feel free of any of this holding me back.i feel so far at the bottom of this right now, but im hopeing through hard work, faith, and maybe a little luck, one day soon ill be on top with a smile.so thats were im at i guess..but what about you? how are you doing? what gets you through?.............shence

[Paisleegreen]

Hi SHENCE- Glad to hear things are going a bit better for you. This will become a distant memory for you. Just remember baby steps and keep doing what you are doing. It will get better. Paislee