I need a tuneup...of my thinking..help!

Karmerri · Post by **Karmerri** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:15 am

Hello everyone. I don't get on here as much as I like to, but on the positive side, I've been doing pretty good. There is something I think many of you could relate to and some may give me some quick advice. obviously I need to refresh with the program, perhaps the self-talk, what-if thinking etc. but here's the problem.

In the past few weeks, these are things that were made known to me by friends and family.

1. My neighbor down the street might need back surgery, right now he is doing physical therapy.
2. My cousin (who I am not so close to and she lives on the west coast) recently had a seizure.
3. My other neighbor's father is needing a triple bypass and his gallbladder.
4. My yet another neighbor just found out he is diabetic and his wife (who has MS) might've had a stroke, they don't know but she's not too good.
5. Right before Thanksgiving, my girlfriends husband had a stent put in, he's fine so far.
6. And to boot, I heard about John Travolta's son and yes, I FEEL terrible about that...

Wow, before writing this I never realized how much stuff has been flooding me....And my problem with anxiety tends to be hypochondriasis. I have to say, I have been feeling fine and I thank the Lord and have gratitude everyday. That's helped a lot, but do any of you have any tricks up your sleeves for not becoming, i guess, so attached to other people's problems?\

Oh, and by the way, I have offered help to the neighbors and the people I could and always let them know I am there if they need me.

Thanks for listening.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:22 am

Not sure if you are a reader but, I lead a small group study on the book "Boundaries" and it has added to my growth greatly. It talks about this exact issue. Townsend is the author..he is a Christian. You might want to check it out. My coach with this program also stated when I brought up stuff like this was to just notice, listen, and choose when to and not to act and/or react. That we can be empathetic but, practice the art of letting go and not hanging on to others problems. At first, I thought it was a cold approach however, it works for us that are oversenistive to peoples issues and cannot let it go.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:36 am

Originally posted by Karmerri:
Hello everyone. I don't get on here as much as I like to, but on the positive side, I've been doing pretty good. There is something I think many of you could relate to and some may give me some quick advice. obviously I need to refresh with the program, perhaps the self-talk, what-if thinking etc. but here's the problem.

In the past few weeks, these are things that were made known to me by friends and family.

1. My neighbor down the street might need back surgery, right now he is doing physical therapy.
2. My cousin (who I am not so close to and she lives on the west coast) recently had a seizure.
3. My other neighbor's father is needing a triple bypass and his gallbladder.
4. My yet another neighbor just found out he is diabetic and his wife (who has MS) might've had a stroke, they don't know but she's not too good.
5. Right before Thanksgiving, my girlfriends husband had a stent put in, he's fine so far.
6. And to boot, I heard about John Travolta's son and yes, I FEEL terrible about that...

Wow, before writing this I never realized how much stuff has been flooding me....And my problem with anxiety tends to be hypochondriasis. I have to say, I have been feeling fine and I thank the Lord and have gratitude everyday. That's helped a lot, but do any of you have any tricks up your sleeves for not becoming, i guess, so attached to other people's problems?\

Oh, and by the way, I have offered help to the neighbors and the people I could and always let them know I am there if they need me.

Thanks for listening.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 7:49 am

Hi Im new to this site an your comment was the first I read.I understand how you feel.its owful when bad things seem to get higher an higher.It will get better.Try looking at the bright side of things even though its hard to find sometimes

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:06 am

Hi Karmerri! You, as most of us are, have the inate ability to be oversensitive to what is going on around you. You are taking all of these things in and dwelling on them. But, I'm sure you noticed what you are taking in.... are they not all negative things??? Where are the positive things in your life that you could list? Huh? Where did they trundle off to? Are they hiding? Come on out, positive things!

Seriously, we anxiety sufferers tend to dwell on the negative and never even consider the positive. There is nothing you can do about what you have listed. You have offered your support and that is the ultimate thing that you can offer these people.

I used to have the same problem. I am an empathic person by nature, I used to take in take in everyone else's problems and then dwell on them until I became anxious. I ended up being more anxious than my friends were! So, I started listening to tapes and reading books on how to dispel negative thinking and thoughts and how to contain and maintain positive ones. I also now tend to shy away from negatives, whether they be people, news, etc. I refuse to be flooded by negativity. This has taken me a long time and lots of practice, but I assure you it can be done.

If, for example, someone starts a conversation with me about a horrific, terrible event, I let it slide through my brain, I don't let it get lodged in there. I then give reassurances to the person, if needed, and end it there and change the subject to a positive tone. I don't want these negative vibes and I will not let them create anxiety in my life. You can learn to do this without the other person even knowing. In fact, if you do it correctly, the other person will go away feeling much better as well!

I know what you are feeling and I know what you are doing to yourself. So, tear up those negative lists, write down some positive ones and you will be much happier, have less stress and less anxiety.

Good luck, my friend!

Bob.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 10:27 am

Karmerri -
I've been thinking about what you wrote and I think it is great that you are so concerned about other people and their needs. However, there is always a reason for everything under the sun (including sickness), and honestly it's not under your control, but you can comfort and pray for them. Make sure to focus on yourself and be joyful for the health you now have.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:18 pm

that is so interesting that you would write about this. This christmas time break, all in my family got sick, either with the crud or the stomach flu. My dad was the last one down. He got the stomach flu and a fever. It hit him so hard-- when he gets a fever spike, his legs and arms get weak and he falls. It scares the heck out of me and my mom. I started obsessing and thinking death, etc. and then remembered a sermon that I heard not long ago. It's that worry is unhealthy, unnecessary and not useful. God is in control. I am not. So, I found that when I was niggling a worry about my dad, I would pray for him and ask God to give me peace. And I encouraged my dad to do the self care things to prevent dehydration and brought him popsicles, etc. But- I also get the rush of adrenaline when I hear/read/see things. Has anyone ever read "The Highly Sensitive Person" book? I think that is what it is called. I just bawled when I read it, because it describes me to a T. I am getting to be able to see it not only as a curse, but sometimes as a blessing too.

I have the "Boundaries" book, and am going to go reread that part about letting stuff slide in and out.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:39 pm

I also deal with the not being able to hear bad news or tragedies. I find that I can be feeling perfectly fine but then I hear of someone that has died, or had an illness and I feel so anxious and then I start to obsess about the illness and I start to focus in on my body and then I start to notice (or think I'm noticing) aches, or the same symptoms! I have heard so much bad news lately about people until it's hard for me to not think about it. I know that with time I will be better, and we all will!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:48 pm

People are always going to get sick, die , suffer,You will be able to contribute more by looking for the positive. Offering your help is great but you can't carry everyone's burdens.I had a client John, whose wife Helen died after a bout with cancer. He continued his community involvement with Kiwanis, and had a cheerful spirit until the end. I was his financial adviser and I remember him being upbeat, no matter what was going on. Being cheerful did not dishonor the memory of his wife. Despite what is going on it is alright for you to be happy.

Justin O. Pinyon · Post by **Justin O. Pinyon** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 1:06 am

I have the same problem sometimes. It got so bad at one point that I announced to family and friends to please NOT tell me about people they knew who had this or that disease or who died from what!!!!!!!
I didn't want to hear it anymore.....because I too would get caught up in all the negatives of it and would wind up really anxious as a result.
Now when I hear stuff, I listen and try not to attach myself to it, offer an ear or a shoulder where I can and really try to see the positive side of things.
Plus I try not to watch ER, Gray's Anatomy..those types of shows.....I can control that, but sometimes you can't always control what people are going to tell you or what you will hear.
Good topic, one that we can all relate to at some point in our life. It wasn't until I realized all about anxiety, that I discovered how sensitive I was to other peoples diseases/disorders/symptoms!!!!