It still bothers me. And I think it should! How dare my whole family go to my nieces wedding after my sister made it a point of not inviting me, my wife and my child!!! I feel everyone should not have gone! I don't talk to my sister or her family anymore. In fact, the hell has started to implode! I just learned that my other niece had to move out because her brother caused hell. The police were called and she MOVED OUT! So I guess it wasn't just me who was the problem.
I just feel my sister should pay a price for hating us so much that she did not invite us.... what disrespect.
I have to get over this!! I should not want revenge.
It Still Bothers Me!
-
DEB EMENHISER
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Thu Dec 11, 2008 8:39 am
Oohh...tough one. I was in a similar situation once. A years-long friend of mine (one I had been intimate with) finally met a woman and was going to marry her. In the beginning, he even told me I could be his best woman! As time went on, he decided that it was too non-traditional and in the end, I wasn't even invited to the wedding because I "didn't know the bride very well and her parents were paying for the wedding." They invited my best friend to the wedding (whom they had only known for about 6 months) because she had met and hung out with the bride a couple times. Well, needless to say, I was extremely bitter for a LONG time but that has nothing to do with my best friend and her relationship with them. It took me a while to realize that but there's no sense in resenting them AND her.
She's still my best friend and I haven't talked to my years-long friend since the incident (years ago).
She's still my best friend and I haven't talked to my years-long friend since the incident (years ago).
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose." -Dr. Seuss
You can steer yourself any direction you choose." -Dr. Seuss
-
SongWriter
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:04 pm
Thanks for the responses. But I feel violated. And I feel my wife and young child were violated by my horrible hateful sister and her family.
Believe you me, I said some horrible things. But no worse than what others have said in my family! And they so conveniently forget about their horrible hurtful words.
I just feel my other sister should have totally written my niece off like my niece's family have written her and her family off.
I really have to come to terms with this.
Believe you me, I said some horrible things. But no worse than what others have said in my family! And they so conveniently forget about their horrible hurtful words.
I just feel my other sister should have totally written my niece off like my niece's family have written her and her family off.
I really have to come to terms with this.
-
SongWriter
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:04 pm
hi songwriter...i won't say i know how you feel because i don't know what you're feeling right now but let me tell you i have a few weird-acting and hateful-hearted people in my family. you know the type, the ones who spread hurtful lies to ruin your relationship with others, who become ecstatic when they hear that you're dealing with personal problems, who deliberately leave family members out because they're too busy playing the role of "god" and judging everyone's life choices and so on and so forth...i think we all have someone in the family like that (and if there is someone out there who doesn't, all i can say is...wow)...anyway, for me, the best way i dealt with these family members was to just leave it...let it go...i realize now that its not worth making myself sick with bitterness by comparing how family members treat each other...even if it is unfair...and i also saw and believe big-time in "whatever and however you are to others will return 10X worse...and in the long run (in my experience) when you're really true, people including your family will see and come back to you...sometimes, not every family member will be as close to you as before but i'm sure you'll have some friends (in my experience) who'll become or already are your siblings due to the loyalty and love these friends show....so sorry for the ramblings and long post... its just that dealing with some family members and family situations can be soooooooo hard and stressful and i feel for you...constantly comparing can make your heart sick and heavy...my best, best wishes to you and your family and i truly hope things will work out for you folks!!! Much peace to you!!!
......like the great rapper Jay Z says, "go and brush your shoulders off....You gotta get that dirt off your shoulder..." (sorry, had to add that)
......like the great rapper Jay Z says, "go and brush your shoulders off....You gotta get that dirt off your shoulder..." (sorry, had to add that)
In 1998 or 1999 the way my sister in law had behaved towards me in 1996, when my dad past away and mother was hospitalized for anxiety over his passsing, still bothered me. I felt she never respected me, even going back to when I first met her when I was 11. To her I was always doing something that didn't meet her performance criteria, never good enough. It almost did me in in 1999. I knew I had to do something differently. The emotional pain was unbearable. I started trying to be assertive but it showed up as aggression. I didn't know what assertiveness meant. But I wasn't going to be sick anymore.
I realized that forgiveness is not just for others, it's for us as well. Letting go of a wrong or wrongs and not demanding payback releases us from an emotional prison and hell. We may need to stand up for our selves and say something to the person, but after that we have no control as to how they respond. [I suggest saying something as kind as possbile if you want the other person to consider your side. Otherwise they are going to throw what you have to say out the window] At that point, we need to just let it go. Unforgiveness or bitterness is drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. My SIL didn't deserve forgiveness, but I deserved to be free of emotional pain and that's what the situation called for, letting go of it. I forgave for me, not her.
I realized that forgiveness is not just for others, it's for us as well. Letting go of a wrong or wrongs and not demanding payback releases us from an emotional prison and hell. We may need to stand up for our selves and say something to the person, but after that we have no control as to how they respond. [I suggest saying something as kind as possbile if you want the other person to consider your side. Otherwise they are going to throw what you have to say out the window] At that point, we need to just let it go. Unforgiveness or bitterness is drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. My SIL didn't deserve forgiveness, but I deserved to be free of emotional pain and that's what the situation called for, letting go of it. I forgave for me, not her.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger, the smarter, the faster hand; But sooner or later the person who wins is the one who thinks "I can." Author Unknown
http://dp19032k9.webs.com
http://dp19032k9.webs.com
Hi Song:
The origin of the word resent actually breaks down to re-feel.
Over the years, I have had several of my friends tell me that it isn't good for ME to resent any of my family members for the wrongs they committed against me. (Believe me, some of the worst things ever done to me, have been done by my mother and sister). I even had one friend tell me that when I resent anyone, I should find a stone and put it in my pocket for as long as I feel the resentment. For a year, I walked around with two stones in a pocket of what ever I had on, until I realized exactly how insane it was to carry the stones around.
At that moment, I realized how bad it was for me to resent anyone and their actions. The persons or people we resent never know, or even feel our anger toward them. And, if they do, it doesn't bother them the way it bothers us.
We are kind, sensitive people who expect to be treated as we treat others. It makes us angry when that doesn't happen, and feeling angry over it is justified. However, re-feeling it until we can't let it go, and it angers us, causes a panic attack, or increases our feelings of depression is just not good.
For your own sake, you need to let this go. It's not good for you to hold onto it.
~Lynnier
The origin of the word resent actually breaks down to re-feel.
Over the years, I have had several of my friends tell me that it isn't good for ME to resent any of my family members for the wrongs they committed against me. (Believe me, some of the worst things ever done to me, have been done by my mother and sister). I even had one friend tell me that when I resent anyone, I should find a stone and put it in my pocket for as long as I feel the resentment. For a year, I walked around with two stones in a pocket of what ever I had on, until I realized exactly how insane it was to carry the stones around.
At that moment, I realized how bad it was for me to resent anyone and their actions. The persons or people we resent never know, or even feel our anger toward them. And, if they do, it doesn't bother them the way it bothers us.
We are kind, sensitive people who expect to be treated as we treat others. It makes us angry when that doesn't happen, and feeling angry over it is justified. However, re-feeling it until we can't let it go, and it angers us, causes a panic attack, or increases our feelings of depression is just not good.
For your own sake, you need to let this go. It's not good for you to hold onto it.
~Lynnier
-
Guest
Song-Writer and others:
I am dealing with a situation in the family that is very destressing also.
I hope to let it go. I am trying to.
I recently had surgery for breast cancer. My children don't live in the same town that I do.
I have a brother here.
My brother seemed to become unbalanced someway that I was going to undergo surgery. I can't figure it out. I don't know but he seemed to feel that he was going to wind up being responcible for me. He does seem to have some kind of severe mental problem.
Anyway, the surgery is now 12 days behind me.
My son came up for the surgery. But he had to go home.
I haveen't asked for anything. Nothing at all.
I've been here by myself all this time.
But every day I will get at least one weird email from my brother. His emails are contentious. He seems to be trying to assure me that he can't do anything for me.
It causes me much stress. It causes me anger, and resentment. I have done nothing to cause this.
I am trying to get well.
Songwriter, it happens in nearly all the families that I know. I absolutely don't know why.
This brother has verbally attacked me on several instances. He feels neglected and put upon.
I can't cope with him so I plan to move away.
But I can't move until I am stronger and until my lease is up here.
Tonight was no exception. I got one of his weird emails. He should have had a good day.
He went to church where he sees memebers of his family.
He is retired and so far as I've been able to
ascertain, he has everything he needs or ever will need.
I so glad that all of you wrote about this.
Because I'd just gotten that last weird email from him and I was so nervous and , yes, a little scared. I dp not to try to answer him.
I know I have to let it go.
I'm sorry you all have to suffer from this kind of thing - but I have to tell you that it helps me a lot right now, knowing I'm not alone with these horrible feelings.
I'm just getting over surgery for cancer of breast and all I long for is just some peace.
My son is going to help me move later on. I'll be nearer my son. But right now I just have to deal with this situation here
and all your words have helped so much.
Thank you all for sharing.
MJ
I am dealing with a situation in the family that is very destressing also.
I hope to let it go. I am trying to.
I recently had surgery for breast cancer. My children don't live in the same town that I do.
I have a brother here.
My brother seemed to become unbalanced someway that I was going to undergo surgery. I can't figure it out. I don't know but he seemed to feel that he was going to wind up being responcible for me. He does seem to have some kind of severe mental problem.
Anyway, the surgery is now 12 days behind me.
My son came up for the surgery. But he had to go home.
I haveen't asked for anything. Nothing at all.
I've been here by myself all this time.
But every day I will get at least one weird email from my brother. His emails are contentious. He seems to be trying to assure me that he can't do anything for me.
It causes me much stress. It causes me anger, and resentment. I have done nothing to cause this.
I am trying to get well.
Songwriter, it happens in nearly all the families that I know. I absolutely don't know why.
This brother has verbally attacked me on several instances. He feels neglected and put upon.
I can't cope with him so I plan to move away.
But I can't move until I am stronger and until my lease is up here.
Tonight was no exception. I got one of his weird emails. He should have had a good day.
He went to church where he sees memebers of his family.
He is retired and so far as I've been able to
ascertain, he has everything he needs or ever will need.
I so glad that all of you wrote about this.
Because I'd just gotten that last weird email from him and I was so nervous and , yes, a little scared. I dp not to try to answer him.
I know I have to let it go.
I'm sorry you all have to suffer from this kind of thing - but I have to tell you that it helps me a lot right now, knowing I'm not alone with these horrible feelings.
I'm just getting over surgery for cancer of breast and all I long for is just some peace.
My son is going to help me move later on. I'll be nearer my son. But right now I just have to deal with this situation here
and all your words have helped so much.
Thank you all for sharing.
MJ