A few months ago I started therapy for social (and generalized) anxiety that I've had my whole life. I feel like I'm making good progress (though not as quick as I'd like--it's a process). It's helping me open up my world little by little but at the same time I get discouraged thinking about how far I have to go, and depressed at the reality that I have no friends (and feel like I never will). I also tend to be pessimistic and all I can think about are bad things--post-partum depression, isolation, loss of freedom, loss of career, etc.
I hate the idea of waiting too long before having children--I'm especially concerned the closer I get to age 35. I also can't imagine staying at my current job longer than this year. My coworkers are very nice but the environment is toxically stressful (preschool for kids with special needs with an open door policy=parents always around watching through the one-way windows, listening on intercoms, me never able to relax, EVER
). I've learned so much but I've never felt sicker or more stressed than this year when I started working there. I feel like the baby would be good timing because we could have the family we want and I could have an exit from that job, then later segue into somewhere that's comfortable and pleasant to work.
I really want to make the right decision. Part of the problem is that my intense emotions cloud my judgement and my fear keeps me from doing things. I just don't know what to do, and I don't want to keep waiting (if I waited till I was ready I would never do anything). Any advice appreciated.
Edited to add: there are so many things in life I've postponed or not done because I was too afraid. I don't want to let life pass me by because of my fears.
